Today my mother has a doctor's appointment out of town, a 2nd opinion. She left in a medical transport in a gurney with her RN. The caregiver and the power of attorney went in my mother's new car that was bought just recently.
My mother has had private caregivers 24/7 (with 2-twelve hour shifts) for 6 months now. Recently, since October to present , January 11, 2023, my mother has had Asian caregivers ( with previous agencies it has been different caregivers each time out, but recently I have had non stop problems with these caregivers). They are hostile, intimidating, etc and I do not like my mother's care team, and medical treatment. It has taken from me personally, and it has taken attention off my mother and her care because of what they are doing.
I have not incited, provoked, or encouraged any of their behavior. I am not a racist. I grew up with multicultural community and never had an issues. As a daughter, I have experienced a lot adult bullying, trespasses, psychological and emotional abuse the last 6 months.
My mother has been in the ER 8 times since August 5, 2022. The lead caregiver who is an Asian male is an intimidator, trying to control the family, intimidating the females of the house (only 3 women in the house including the senior) and I have experienced adult bullying, intimidation, belittling, abuse, hostility, etc from them with depression as a result. I have seen the Asian caregivers team up and experienced hostility, etc from 11 of them (both male and female asian caregivers). I thought it would stop. It did not. They have leveraged me (and are leveraging me) during a vulnerable, fragile time with my mother and family.
The power of attorney, and the caregiver are in my mother's Mercedes today driving it out of town to my mother's doctor appointment. The lead caregiver is actually the driver, driving to the hospital. I disagree with this. My mother is unaware of it. I don't know if I will bring that up with her because I don't want her bothered by it, in any way. I don't want it to discourage her mental health and her physical recovery.
She had a surgery in August that left her unable to walk, and she had rehab in September that was for 28 days and she hasn't been able to meet her physical therapy goals to walk again.
I am personally upset by this despite home health coming out to the house (8 times to the house) to do physical therapy with her for an 1 and 30 minutes each visit.
This particular caregiver has trespassed, been crossing and testing boundaries, and is teasing me by driving my mother's new Mercedes Benz, today. The power of attorney doesn't know how I feel about the situation because we do not speak. And, the adult bullying and intimidation has effected me communicating well with the power of attorney in an effective clear way. However, the caregiver has leveraged the family dynamic to his benefit and to their benefit.
I have also seen the Asian caregivers block other workers (from other racial groups) at my house and effecting others work and care for my mother. It has been upsetting for me, isolating, and trespass. I don't expect anything optimistic out the future with activity like this.
I have seen this caregiver (and other caregivers) personally discourage my mother's physical therapy saying she is "not ready" to be in a wheelchair (or in a Sara Steady, a rehabilitation equipment piece that allows her to be taken around the house at ease) and it has caused my mother's health to further decline during critical time periods in October and November when recovery was at a critical time period for bouncing back faster. The physical therapist said she is not ready either which did not support me as a daughter to get my mother to recover faster. I disagree with my mother's medical team, caregivers, etc.
My mother pays for her 24/7 caregiver services since August 5, 2022 to present date. She is retired in real estate. She pays out of pocket for her caregiver services.
I feel intimidated, powerless, afraid, and worried. I am not sure what to do. I am sidelined and I do not have any control over what has been going on. I notice when I take notice of my mother's health, appointments, family communication, the lead caregiver, the Asian male, takes notice in a negative and controlling way. It is emotionally and psychologically upsetting.
Why should I be paying for this in any way? It has taken from me, my mother, and my private life with my family. I have not been able to enjoy my mother's life and our precious time together since she got ill. Our private home is suffering, and in these ways.
What do I do in a situation like this? Any support for a non power of attorney for navigating in a private home with issues and concerns like this? Thank you.
xx
Abusive mother in law
Breakfast with my mother 
I want my mother to understand
