Being mad at the world and knowing it's me that I'm really mad at!

[Jewels76]

This is my first ever online support group. I don't know if anyone can relate or not, but I feel like everyone has wronged me by not being attentive enough with me. But in reality, it's me that's wanting people to fix me because I don't know how to fix myself. I know that I feed this unhealthy thinking by completely isolating myself. Sometimes that feels safer, yet deafening.

[Starrlight]

hi Jewels! Welcome!

[Hidden]

Hello Jewels76. I'm new to online support too, and I'm no expert, but these are my thoughts. Generally, how we see other people treating us is a reflection of how we treat ourselves. In other words, people not being attentive enough to you is a reflection of you not being attentive enough to yourself. As you said, you are looking outside yourself, looking for others to fix you. Look inside yourself. You have the answers. You already know that isolating yourself is not a solution. Isolation just reinforces your sense of not being attended to. Try breaking that pattern by giving yourself the attention and love that you need and deserve. You may not know how to fix yourself right now, but with attention and love, the answers will come to you.

[designguy]

welcome Jewels and although it feels disconcerting it's good that you have the awareness that the issue is you and not them. You might find working with a therapist beneficial if you are not and also check out youtube for info on improving your self worth and self-acceptance.

[scansnap]

I think that there are probably millions, if not billions, of people who can relate to what you are saying.

It sounds like you already have some insight into what is going on and that you have unrealistic expectations of how people should treat you because you do not know how to treat yourself. However, you can learn to treat yourself and feel better unless angry. This sounds like a situation where cognitive behavioral therapy would be very useful. It addresses the negative bias that almost all people have in their thinking and helps you to correct that. I generally recommend the book Feeling Great by David Burns as one of the best ways to learn about CBT and teach yourself how to do it for yourself.