Bodily illness and familial toxicity

[God-sFavourite]

I have been keeping ill since 3 days with severe headaches, a heavy head and running nose which started after sore throat resulting from an allergy. Day before yesterday, I kinda avoided it, thinking of it to get better with time but when it didn't, I finally decided to start off with my antibiotics as I have an exam lined up in 2 weeks and this illness is becoming a hindrance in my preparation for the same.

I'm unable to focus due to fatigue and the weather outside being cold too. I don't demand sympathy from anybody but the least one can do is empathise with the person who is already suffering from a mental condition and now a physical illness.

But no! I have been mocked, teased and forced to feel guilty of being physically and mentally unfit by my own family!

Why? I don't know 🤷‍♀

No matter what, I've always held myself up, even if my mind and body has allowed me to do so or not. I have never asked for even a glass of water from anybody unlike the others in my family who make sure to let every single one know that they aren't feeling good and are not being taken care of.

Despite supporting your child who has a very important exam in a few days, you are leaving no stone unturned to spoil her mental condition and mock the shit out of her!

Due to the depressive symptoms (which I obviously couldn't discuss with anybody as they mock me for that too!), I haven't been able to do the required hard work which in turn has been eating me inside out. No one even tries to understand what I'm feeling and going through despite knowing my diagnosis.

It has been a very difficult ride.

I really want to pass this exam or else I won't be able to forgive myself. Even if I do, these people will make sure to not let me succeed through it.

My only hope is my dear Lord. I wish he forgives my sins and makes me mark the correct answers or else I would die from inside 😔

Also, passing it would help me shifting to another city which is the desperate need of the time. I'll start making a living for myself and I'll be away from this toxic environment.

[012703060610]

Oh my, am so sorry to read this. When your own family is toxic it can be the hardest cycle to break. Now that I am a parent of three young kids, I am doing things a lot different. Yes, I'm screwing it all up, but where I knew my parents or siblings were wrong...I am a totally different parent. I recently told my sister I no longer wished to hear from her. Earth shattering for her. My family doesn't talk about mental illness but we are all medicated. It's a pretend everything is OK mentality. I suspect right about now you are worried about your wholistic safety. Trying to find that space in a depressive mode is difficult and nearly impossible if your family isn't supportive. However, you are still working your butt off and studying. My best advice is to get out of the toxic environment when you can (as you suggest new city). You already know the next steps. Stay strong. It is OK to let family go. I have had a therapist tell me this over and over so that it is OK. This forum has been great for me. You certainly are not alone and all of us here are struggling in some way or another.

[God-sFavourite in reply to 012703060610]

You are right that all of us are struggling in some way or the other. This forum makes me realise that I'm not alone in what I feel. Otherwise things get really hard when you have no one to understand what you are going through.

I'm glad to know that you are trying to put the best of yourself for your kids 🫂

Thank you understanding my point of view. As soon as I pass this upcoming exam (wish I genuinely wish I do 🤞🏻) , I'll start working. It will be a great distraction for me and of course, a change of place always does good.