What's wrong with me? I need a diagnizis. I need ppl to understand. Granma called and ruined me. Can't stop crying, tahicardia, hate, worry

[Against_the_current]

I don't want her to die.I finally desided to call mom to ask for new year but she changed her number so i called granma. She's again with this sick voice. Said she's getting back to hospital after the holidays. Felt really upset.

Tried to cheer up by talking about pets. I told her i will get a Pet once i get a job and bigger accomodation. She said the daughter of the priest Studies, works and helps her father in the farm. Said mom also worked while studying. First granma doesn't give me the money to live, this is between me and dad. If dad tells me to work, i will. But granma has no right to judge. Second i'm 1 year behind her-She's graduated, i haven't. 3rd she's a teacher, mom's a doctor, i'm a psychology student. Teachers and doctors in Bulgaria get hired without even applying. Psychologists have hard time finding a job, getting a licence, courses, qualifications... 4th I'M DUCKING ILL AND THEY MADE ME. DO THEY UNDERSTAND GENETICS AND PSYCHOLOGY? NO, THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY MADE ME ILL.

THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY SHOULD HAVE MERCY ON ME. ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION ARE JUST BEING WEAK FOR THEM. THEY DON'T SEE THEM AS REAL ILLNESSES THEY CAUSES. Plus i have C-PTSD making me act like a...the way i act. (i wrote ducking on purpose so it's not too explicit lol).

The fact that only anti epileptic meds are able to help me act like a human not like a monster for some brief hours is making me think what if i have epilepsy. I trembled through the night. Idk. I need a serious diagnizis so my family stops treating me like shiz.

I forgot what i was about to write. My heart is going insane.... But Who cares? Ppl think that because i'm 20 something im immortal and invincible. I want to scream and curse. I'm not like that. I'm usually really shy but since cptsd im vulgar and angry all the time. It was hard for me to not scream to grandma but i knew it would kill her. Idk how i will survive Christmas with her. I have to medicate myself hard and still will panic.

Btw my first su1cide attempt was december 2018 when i was 18 and Grandma told me my coisin works and i'm not. Then my sister found me, screamed, Grandma came and slapped me with words "ligla" which is like "a bitch who is weak and only pretends and

[Mohammad-341]

I m sure ucan take control of ur life Ptsd will be things of the past

[Against_the_current in reply to Mohammad-341]

Thanks. Mom just triggered me. How can she be so manipulative? Any interaction with her Ruins me

[Sillysausage234]

Hi leroy …I’ve got a pimple on my left bum cheek it’s being a real pain what’s your professional opinion

[MadBunny in reply to Sillysausage234]

And I've got a feeling of deja vu.......

[Sillysausage234 in reply to MadBunny]

and Vu…..hope your xmas is peaceful….good time of year to be a domesticated rabbit I bet lots of veggies 🥕

[MadBunny in reply to Sillysausage234]

And yours too. Dont like the brussels sprouts, though 😝

[Sillysausage234 in reply to MadBunny]

Ille have yours

[MadBunny in reply to Sillysausage234]

Swap you for the carrots

[Sillysausage234]

how’s asprin the cat ???

[Against_the_current in reply to Sillysausage234]

Thanks for asking. Unfortunately she passed away

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Against_the_current]

aww really…sorry to hear that

[Against_the_current in reply to Sillysausage234]

Appreciate it

[Against_the_current]

Feels nice to hear it's Treat able tho i don't feel like it it

[Against_the_current]

Thank you. I'm losing it. I can't even explain it now im that unwell. You can check out my last posts for my situation. Thank you for being here for me

[PeaceNeed]

You sound like me an d your family like mine in way. I talk myself into cptsd, dep, and Gad.I take antiseizure meds.

[Against_the_current in reply to PeaceNeed]

Same here. Im sorry to hear you're there too but glad im not alone. And same with the meds, only this type helps, ive tried everything but family,dep, gad and cptsd are too much. Here if you want to talk with someone with similar problems