Do I actually have anxiety?

[Nova0]

I suffered from major depression a long time ago, and have been on anti-depressants for years. I tried stopping a few times but would feel bad again if I did. Recently the meds don't seem to be working, so I asked my doctor about switching to something else. But when the doctor asks me about my symptoms, it definitely fits more with anxiety than depression. I don't feel anxious about things, at least not consciously. It's frustrating to try to describe the problem and only be able to say "i just feel bad". I don't feel sad or want to cry. I feel agitated and get frustrated easily and am way too sensitive about everything. But the thing is, there is nothing in particular that is bothering me. I don't worry about the future, and I don't focus on anything bad. I consciously choose to shut down any negative thoughts. But it's like my mind is still having those thoughts and now I just can't access them. How am I supposed to deal with problems if I can't really think of any problems I have? I don't know why I feel upset and want to self-harm. I don't know if I have depression or anxiety, and I guess it doesn't really matter since the same meds seem to treat them both. But I would really like to know what is wrong with me sometimes. And to figure out how I can deal with something that my mind KNOWS is no big deal, but my body doesn't seem to agree.

[FauxxTrot]

You sound like you might have the need/urge to fix, analyze, know what's going on like I do. Depression is commonly perceived as "sad" but really it can be a feeling of empty nothingness too. Like a complete apathetic lack of interest. There might not actually be anything "wrong" or bothering you specifically. It could just be a chemical imbalance that's making you feel this way. Be patient and kind to yourself, I'm sure you've heard the phrase "this too shall pass" and it could be that you just need time and patience to let the feelings pass. Sometimes thinking about them and trying to solve them just gives them more power. It's like watching traffic go by and instead of trying to read and memorize each license plate on the highway going by just step back and acknowledge the traffic. Let the thought car drive away. Your subconscious is powerful and can work out somethings when you let it. Maybe focus more on learning how you tick than trying to solve the symptoms would be helpful

[designguy]

It could be that you do have anxiety and it is from suppressing your past emotions and you could also possibly be dealing with some form of trauma that you suffered as a child. Suppressing those emotions and trauma can definitely create anxiety which is trying to tell you to acknowledge the pain and trauma, and process the difficult emotions of it. The impact of those repressed emotions are also stored in our body and are needing to be processed to heal.

It could be that you have denied your past hurt and pain in order to protect yourself so you aren't aware of it but the anxiety is trying to tell you to deal with it.

I found meds alone did not resolve my anxiety or issues. To really heal I needed therapy to investigate and understand my past , acknowledge my painful emotions and process them.

[Dell12345]

Hi Nova, I know exactly what you mean.

I also struggle to know why I feel a certain way. I found that a good therapist can help a lot. They help you uncover what may be really bothering you deep down.

X

[Nova0]

Thanks everyone. I just want to learn everything I can about the best way to 'get better'. I did see a therapist for a lot of years - actually several different ones - but it never seemed to help. The only thing that did was the meds. I am finding it helpful to learn more about psychology and medical stuff though. For example I recently learned about something called 'highly sensitive people', and it explained a lot about me. Even stupid stuff, like how sometimes I can't remember if I was actually somewhere or if I just read about it in a book or saw it in a movie. It's really nice to know that can be kind of normal for some people. You know, kind of like... introverts unite! Separately...in your own homes. I'm surrounded by people who don't feel like I do or have the same issues I do, and it's good to find there are others like me, even if they're also hiding in their homes and avoiding all human contact.

[designguy]

Another suggestion is when you feel tressed, agitated, tense or irritated pay attention to your thoughts and wrote them down. Keep a thought journal and even pause throughout the day and pay attention to your thoughts and write them down. Most people are only aware of 3 - 5 percent of their thoughts in a day. So the more we can become aware of them the more we start to hear the stories we are telling ourself and we can start to understand our conscious and more importantly, our subconscious programming and beliefs and choose to change those that don't work for us anymore and keep the ones that do. Learning and practicing simple mindfulness meditation also helps with thought awareness and calming ourselves.