Changing to the Positive: Is It Working?

[alat]

So, for the past couple of weeks, my neighbors have been quiet, which made it easier to focus on my well-being, but today all hell broke loose, there were extremely loud children screams all over their yard at night, but this time it was mixed with the older brother's shouts, who is an adult (they have an adult son who visits them almost daily but this is the first time he is being noisy too). It was so loud and so annoying, but I tried not to make it bother me so I forced myself to use the bathroom while it was happening (exposure therapy, eh?). They stopped eventually, but I don't know how I feel about it. I know I am bothered by it, but is it having the same paralyzing affect it did have for the past year? I don't know, I am not as angry as usual. Angry, just not as much.

I just wish it were possible for me to completely soundproof my home, but not only is it not financially available, but I'll have to practically bring down the whole house to do it. Why can't they just teach their kids not shout like someone is trying to hurt them when they play outside?

Also, my ears were getting blisters and boils from the earphones I kept wearing to keep the noise out, so I switched to headphones, but they also hurt my outer ears so much, does anyone know how to relieve the pain?

In the end, maybe I am confused because I am ashamed or afraid of admitting that the fact it happened again is taking me back to square one? Maybe I am feeling the same feelings I used to have when they screamed but my brain won't admit that all the progress we made over the past 3 weeks was demolished by a couple of screams?

I also want to clarify that I do have many other anxieties, not just my noisy neighbors, but I can control them a bit, the noisy neighbors are not within the means of my control so that anxiety is the one that has the most effect on me.

UPDATE: they started shouting again, but this time it was VERY late, so even a person without anxiety would be bothered, and guess what? I got myself to go there to confront them, I knocked on the door many times, rang the bell, but of course, no one opened for me, but it was such a great change to have myself go there to tell someone you are doing something wrong to me. As soon as I knocked on the door, they became quiet, but no one opened.

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

Try not to look at it as going back to square 1. I know we with anxiety, when we have setbacks or any kind of hardship & we get anxious about it we see that as a negative. Our minds quickly go to that as if we are not getting better.

But we are. Its just part of the process. You are going to have great days where you feel "normal". Other days where you feel afraid to even leave your house without some type of crutch just to get through the day.

I struggle with that myself. Today I managed to get somethings done today. Felt good about that. Then watch Drink Champs on YouTube. While in the middle of this funny podcast, I felt anxious. I don't know why. Just did. Shock it off and reengage with the program. The feeling return.

When I started to feel this way, my mind instantly went to what if I had a bad panic attack. What if I have this panic attack at my friend's Christmas party? I had to check myself. The only way out of it is through. There is no magic bullet. I've come to understand that. I just told myself if you (Anxiety) are going to give me an attack let's do it because I'm tired.

We have to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Because anxiety really becomes a problem in the fight of it. Trying not to let it happen. Trying not to think about it and ignore it but it has a way of coming back around again. So gotta face that head on. Like yeah this feeling sucks but it's just a feeling. Can't hurt me. I know I don't like it. But it's not going to kill me.

So let go of that shame. You are doing great. And have nothing to feel ashamed about. Remember bad days don't last forever.

Look at you confronting the problem. Most folks with anxiety would have to stayed in the house and not deal with it. You went over there to knock and ask politely to keep it down. Granted you didn't get to talk to your neighbors but your knock was enough to convey the message that they are being loud. Proud of you. ❤️ Don't let a bad day take away your progress. Neither will I. I got anxious today, doesn't mean I haven't improved. Gotta keep pushing forward ☺️⏩

[alat in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thanks a lot! Your comments always manage to put me in a good mood. Are you a therapist in disguise?

I wish I could reach the acceptance of it you have, let it happen then get on with it. How do I do it when the thing is happening? When they are screaming as I am panicking? I keep putting "contingency" plans to when it occurs, but when it happens I forget all logic and abandon all planning.

I am also angry that another human being has so much power over my well-being and not only that, but they don't care and they think that I am mad and mean.

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to alat]

Nah, it's just that I've been in therapy for a really long time that I've picked up a thing.or 2 😂

It isn't easy being accepting to this.. Hell I still struggle with it. Yes, it's hard to remain logical when you enter panic mode all that goes out the window. I know.

It about trying not to enter panic mode. When you first get those signs. Where you are feeling a little bit froggy 🐸 where you are jumpy and sweaty or whatever sensations you feel before anxiety monster shows up. Kind of have to figure out how to let go of those thoughts. Just observse them. Sit and meditate with nosie cancelling headphones 🎧 on. Look and observe your thoughts. So you can go ooh that's how it starts for me. That's my warning alarm. Then it's about accepting and yeah exposure therapy works best for these things because you cant avoid children. They are everywhere! 😂 I'm not a fan of kids myself. 😂

Its something you have to keep at it often. Eventually you'll start seeing the results. Kind of like weight loss when you drop 5lbs you don't notice any changes in the mirror. You think about giving up on your diet or workout routine because it ain't happening fast enough. Then before you know it you have lost around 5lbs and it's like hey my jeans don't fit as tight anymore. Its slow but you'll see it in little things.

And it's not horrible to have a backup plan. So don't feel ashamed ❤️ I always have one. But I do my best to try not to use it.

[alat in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

I tried blocking out the sound, and it works, I can't hear them, but knowing they are screaming still throws me into panic and anger (especially when they're doing it super late, the inconsideration annoys me [I don't even know why their kids aren't like other kids and sleep early]), does that mean I am extra-unreasonable or something?

[CL3V3R-G1RL in reply to alat]

Well in order to be unreasonable you have to look at well what time of night it is that they’re making noise? If it’s 8 PM OK maybe you’re being unreasonable. But if it’s like 10 PM 12 AM etc. then yeah that is not your problem. That is an inconsiderate neighbor.

You might be what it’s called in a sensitive person. You just fill things really deeply. It happens with people with PTSD. Which I think you may have. It happens with children who have been abused. I know I see it in my father. There are triggers for him. And there are triggers for me. I don’t like yelling either. You know I’ve been verbally abuse a good part of my childhood. And my biggest trigger is being yelled at. And he can send me into a panic or severe anxiousness. It’s just a matter of recognizing that and coming to terms with the trauma in our past. And then learning to go forward from there. And learning how to handle the world at large. Because kids are going to be kids. And some kids are for lack of a better word little 💩 😂 . We have to kind of deal with it.

[alat in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Yeah, the thing is, their screams are not predictable, that's a huge part of my anxiety. They can play at 6 PM on a Monday, then 9 AM on a Friday, then 12 AM on a Wednesday; they can play for 5 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour. There is no telling when and for how long. They would go silent for some days, then I'd come home from a tiring workday to hear them screaming like someone is running after them with an axe. I can't say "Oh, they scream for an hour, every day from 4 PM to 5 PM, so after work I'll take a walk for an hour then be back." No, you never know. I also don't know if they go to school or not because they always seem so loud and energetic.

I don't know about PTSD, my father is abusive now, he has bipolar, but when we were kids, he was not abusive (that's why we [my mother, siblings, and I] take care of him now, because when we were children he was a good father and husband). We weren't really yelled at as kids, but I do remember when I did something wrong, I didn't like being yelled at in front of others only, but I didn't care if I were yelled at at home.

I myself didn't develop this anxiety of screaming children until exactly a year ago, literally last November. Screaming kids didn't bother me before, it's just that a friend commented (lightheartedly) on how loud they are and it just started making me anxious whenever I hear it.