Tired of fulfilling others expectations

[pratyaya_23]

Me n My surroundings They n Their expectations

Me n My limitations

We, all experience this at some point in life.... ok ok, my bad😬🙈..... to be honest, almost daily. We come across so many situations, circumstances, people, relationships where we have to keep trying to create balance between fulfilling others expectations and your own limitations. Its a game of how much you are capable of stretching out your boundaries. Sometimes, we succeed sometimes we fail, its part of a game, called life.

But it gets really tougher when everyone around you, keep on expecting from you all the time. You are always being scrutinized under microscope, if you do anything which dont meet their expectations then you ll be labelled as egoistic or selfish or non-adjusting etc etc etc. They keep on expecting you to understand them all the time, expect you to adjust, to understand, keep on pushing you, pressurising you that its always your duty to keep the relationships working, ofcourse by forgetting, ignoring what others did to you. And this is more important when you dont have your own family ( consisting of husband n inlaws n extended family), how will you manage alone, so its your need and thats why you have to keep on putting efforts. Noone admits, they dont realise, they either dont want or cant see how much you are already pushing your limits. They just keep on pressurising you, in the name of being eldest or being strongest or you are easy to manipulate or easy to make things work by emotional blackmailing.

I have already reached at my saturation point, if I push my limits more, I'll surely encountered with nervous breakdown ( m not afraid of death, but this oscillating like pendulum between death n life, I wont be able to handle🙈🤦‍♀️). Why it is so difficult for others to understand, that their continuous expectations of understanding, adjustments from me are killing me ( being killed is different from dying), its making my conditions worse. Is it so difficult for them to show some empathy or even sympathy ( see how much I'm tired of them, that I'm even ready to have sympathy, which I always hate to ask or to have)?

Isn't it wrong to take my soft,emotional feelings as my weakness?

I know I have to push back , to create boundaries, to save myself but I don't know how or if I dare to be honest, I'm afraid to lose people, 'coz deep inside I feel that if I stop giving what others want from me, I 'll lose them. I know if this is the case, its not worth to have such relations but what can be done if your parent is also among those people? How to create boundary for them? Why its important for me to keep on proving my worth again n again n again in other's lives? Why only I'm afraid of losing them? Won't it affect others if I walk out of their lives? Is it wrong to expect from others a little understanding of my situation, a little effort to keep me in their lives?

Don't know whether I will get these answers or be able to create more boundaries.... but one thing is for sure, most of the people around me are sucking my blood and I know they will keep doing so till the last drop of blood in me🙆‍♀️🤦‍♀️☹ and icing on cake will be, I wont die even after whole blood being sucked, medicines wont let me die!!

I'm so hell tired, tired of all this drama. I, really don't know when it will end. I'm feeling bad about myself, I hate myself little more 'coz of this. I'm the only one who is not capable enough to tackle this problem. What a shame!! What a waste of time!! I'm nothing but a piece of shit!!

[Blueruth]

being dependent on the approval of others is a terrible, exhausting place to be. The people who care about you will gain respect if you put up boundaries. The people that leave are using you. Someone constantly trying to look for approval either make people uncomfortable or are selfish.

There is a lot of self help out there for this. There are concrete measurable skills you can learn. I recommend Brene brown’s first book but find the mentor that works for you.

[pratyaya_23 in reply to Blueruth]

will read the book u mentioned for sure. Thanx!!

[pratyaya_23]

Thnx for understanding my point of view🙏

[JasmineJaz]

I really admire how you put all the thoughts and feelings into words so well-organized and well-versed, and pin-pointed the core conflict so precisely. Looks like you already know the choices and their pros and cons, just hesitating on whether or not to take the leap.

My experience is somewhat similar to you, in that my family also expected me to cater to their needs, ignoring my feelings and opinions. My emotional issues started during college, to the point that I wanted to end it all. I mentioned it to my parents on a good day, asking for support to see a therapist. Their reaction was to blame me for even bringing it up because it made them feel worried, and no child should worry their parents like that. I stopped asking for help after that.

But I wasn't afraid to be left alone. Unlike you, I was fixated on what's taken from me, without realizing that the relationship I deem toxic also gives back. That ignorance allowed me to "bravely" start a life in another country. The reason was simple: I was on the verge of killing myself; isolation can't be worse than death. The choice backfired on me. People in my old social circle judged me for not being with my parents. I didn't get enough support to start a new life, handling everything alone.

If given another choice, I'll still take the leap. But there are 2 challenges that I wish I knew early on. One is to find inner motivation. I was always pushed around, doing whatever is expected of me. The new environment doesn't have that any more. The uncertainty was scary and confusing, I was at loss about what I really wanted. It takes time to explore and it takes failures to try out options. I should've tried everything instead of waiting for a solid optimal answer. The other is to keep away from people that act like the ones that hurt me before. The personality and habits developed in the old environment came along into the new life, and they push me towards those who eventually hurt me in the same way. It all happened so naturally at first. In a foreign environment, ironically, being with them felt like home. It was so easy to ignore what it meant when things were working out at first. And that's how I missed the chance to get out of it when the damage is still limited.

But this is only my story. Sorry for such a lengthy reply, hope it doesn't look too condescending or self-centered... I hope others would share their similar experiences with me just for the reference, that's why I do the same to others. My most sincere wishes that you will find a much better way to go through this ordeal, better than I did.

[pratyaya_23 in reply to JasmineJaz]

Thankyou so much for sharing ur story!! This is the reason I always try to choose this platform to reach out/vent out, coz i knw there will b someone out there who have similar stories n their approach to deal with it. You always get different perspectives, give emotional support that u r not alone. N if others can or keep struggling to come out of this, i can too

[JasmineJaz in reply to pratyaya_23]

Thanks for the reply, really glad to be helpful! Life is always a struggle, but as adults we sometimes get to choose which challenge to take. We will come out of it one day ☀️ **sending positive energy**