Had a bad night

[Hope4me1]

I am usually very upbeat and positive but last night I felt what I call the dreaded difficult night. I am trying to wean myself off my clonazepam (have been down to .25 mg for weeks now) but I keep having to up my dose during very difficult, crippling anxiety. It’s very discouraging. Last night I was at a loss to find a way to ease my anxiety and sleep. Usually I can use my tools such as soothing music, reading, crocheting, but in the end I could not find peaceful rest.

Does anyone have suggestions for me to help when this happens? Thanks all 😊💕

[Brokenbeardedbear]

The only advice I can think to give is dont beat yourself up for struggling to sleep. You did the best you could to relax. Even if you dont sleep you still got some "me time" reading and crotcheting and listening to music. Sounds like you used your time perfectly to me and at least got chance to relax your mind somewhat by doing those things.

[Raggedy-Ann]

my first question is why are you doing that?

[Hope4me1 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

I guess you are referring to my trying to wean off clonazepam? I have been taking it for almost 4 years and from what I read, it’s only supposed to be taken for a few months. I am scared of its lasting effects on my physical health. I am 63 years old and would love to go back to the days where I could do without it. I have had anxiety since I was very young. I know my dr says I can take up to 1 mg a day, but this is conflict with what many people say and other drs say. I have resumed to .5 mg a day again after this episode.

[Hidden]

I think Raggedy-Ann brings up a good question. Drugs affect your chemical balance, so it's not as easy as wanting to stop. In fact, sometimes stopping, especially abruptly, can bring about harmful side effects. You probably already are, but make sure you're consulting with a medical professional before changing your dosage. Anxiety is tough. Hang in there!

[Hope4me1 in reply to Hidden]

I never stop taking it. I just lower the dose gradually as advised.

[Raggedy-Ann]

if you were okay on clonazepam, may be that's what you need. I 've been on it for decades it works for me. doctors want to take me off it because it is a scheduled medication. I tell them no, because it works for me. we are often made to feel bad or guilty for our struggle with mental illness, and the same thing goes for our taking medication. People will push you to get off your meds when you are doing well, actually your doing well because of your meds.

[Hope4me1 in reply to Raggedy-Ann]

You have a valid point. But a year ago I was feeling good and down to .25 mg and then dropped to half of that a day and then stopped. I was doing well on just my fluoxetine for 6 to 8 months with no clonazepam. I put my spare pills hidden away and frankly forgot about them. But then I decided to stop my Fluoxetine slowly over a month. I was good with that for a time, but then I had a relapse and I believe it was because I discontinued the Fluoxetine. So I will stay continually on that antidepressant (10 mg every other day). Never going to try to end that one again.

So you see I still have hope that I can stop the Clonazepam. If not, I guess I will continue it.

[Hope4me1]

What a wise and helpful post, snowdayze! Thank you for the advice and you make me feel so relieved. I agree with your suggestions and your philosophy! You are very sweet!❤️

[designguy]

I would suggest you stay on the klonopin and get yourself more stabilized and less anxious and sleeping better for a period of time before changing your med situation. It will be a lot easier if you aren't overly stressed when you try it again. Also make sure you are doing a very slow taper, you can even get a pill cutter at your pharmacy if you need one.

The other thing to consider is that in my experience and from what I have read is quite common, meds helped reduce my anxiety but did not eliminate it. I had to learn what it really is and how to constructively deal with it. I've read a lot about anxiety and done lots of different therapy and found the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos to be very helpful for healing my anxiety. Another good book that helped is "At last a life and beyond" by Paul David.

[Hope4me1 in reply to designguy]

Thank you for your input, designerguy. I agree with you and have increased my clonazepam for now. I am feeling more like myself now and last night I had a good night’s sleep. I am truly thankful for that; it helped greatly.

I did want to say that the way I take my Clonazepam is to cut a .5 mg pill in equal 4ths with a pill splitter. I take a quarter every 4 hours or so as I need. So when I taper I take away one dose at a time over a span of at least 2 or more weeks. I was only taking 2 doses .25 mg each day for many weeks and would then drop down to one dose .125 mg. Unfortunately I had a bad anxiety episode and had to up it lately. It did help and I do benefit still by this medication. But in this way I feel I don’t have to keep going up on my initial dose because my body forms a tolerance to it. I agree with you that I must be in a better place with my anxiety to stop altogether at this point.

I have researched GAD which is my anxiety problem that was determined by a psychiatrist four years ago. I understand about the primitive brain and the vagus nerve and amygdala that plays a large role in my anxiety for fight or flight/freeze. I have the books by Claire Weeks and will look up David’s info, too. I journal and practice meditation and affirmations. I still see a therapist about twice a month. Still a lot that causes me to feel high levels of anxiety still baffles me. I can fluctuate day to day. I have many days of calm normalcy. I have accepted the fact that this is my life and I must learn to deal with the difficult days.

Thanks again for your suggestions 😊

[designguy in reply to Hope4me1]

You're welcome and it sounds like you have learned a lot and are doing a lot of good things. I still occasionally use klonopin if I am stuck or have even had a prolonged period without sleep. One if the things i've learned over my journey is that anxiety is actually trying to help us and it's helpful to make friends with it. Unfortunately our instinct is to fight it and resist it and even most therapists advise trying to out think it or make it go away by some method. if we can learn to sit with it and ask it what it is trying to tell us it can help and yes, surrendering to it and learning what we can really control and what we can't is really helpful.

I think it is helpful to try to determine where our anxiety is coming from although how we deal with it is the same no matter where or what kind of anxiety it is. I've found it is usually from the past from suppressing emotions/trauma, etc... or worries about the future. I started having panic attacks and was able to get over them but then was diagnosed with GAD and continued to have anxiety issues. I finally determined that I was really dealing with social anxiety from growing up in a emotionally repressive home environment with physical and emotional abuse and shamed for expressing even healthy anger and trying to stand up for myself. I was also bullied in school which led to the social anxiety. I also had no self-worth or self-esteem. I did a online program for the social anxiety which helped but still continued to have anxiety/issues. I then realized I was actually dealing with c-ptsd/trauma from the childhood abuse and bullying. I started working with a therapist that specialized in treating trauma/c-ptsd and used emdr as part of the therapy and it really helped. I also started working on improving my self-esteem and learning to be more compassionate and accepting of myself. Another helpful thing is taking time to determine what your conscious but more importantly your subconscious beliefs are about yourself, others and life and determine the ones that work for you and replace the ones that don't with helpful constructive ones. Understanding our programming helps us reprogram ourselves and how we view ourselves, others and the world. I like a book and the youtube videos of Julia Kristina and her book "Drive your own darn bus".

[Hope4me1 in reply to designguy]

I sure can identify with a lot of what you are saying and I’m sorry for what you have gone through. I’m sure it was very painful.

I also have c-pstd from growing up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home environment. I go to Al-anon meetings to help with that. I also practice nurturing my faith and remembering self compassion as well as caring about others.

Thank you for all your suggestions and helpful tips. I can always use the opinions of others. That’s how we share knowledge. Be well😊

[designguy in reply to Hope4me1]

You're so welcome, glad to help and it sounds like you are and have done a lot of good, positive and healing things for yourself.

I forgot to add earlier that one of the other sources of my anxiety was suppressed anger over how I was raised and the bullying as well as the shame from all of it. It took me quite a while to admit it and have the courage to get in touch with it. Therapy helped and I got in touch with it, focused on who or what I was angry about and and beat the crap out of pillows to vent it and release it. I also did the same thing at home when I was triggered and even got a plastic baseball bat and beat the pillow with it. It helped over time drain all that repressed anger I had and felt good. The only tricky part of it was being aware when the anger was at myself and instead being able to direct it and focus it on my perpetrators.

Best to you and be well also.

[Hope4me1]

You and I, I think, are quite similar! Chat with me if you like anytime. Maybe we can be support to each other!😊❤️. Thank you for faith in my regimen! I work very hard as I know you do. Well wishes to you!💕🕊️