Misophonia: I'm NOT a Jerk

[alat]

I have misophonia, but no one seems to get it. I tried to explain it to my neighbor when I asked him to not let their kids scream all the time (they literally play from any time 10 AM - 12:30 AM), he called me a mad jerk and shut the door in my face. I was very friendly about it (I wasn't being entitled or demanding and I didn't suggest that they shouldn't play at all, I only said that if they could please keep their voices down when they play outside), and I am a non-confrontational person in general, so I can't be tough even if I wanted to. It took me about a year to gain the courage to knock on my neighbor's door and ask him to keep it down, and I wasn't planning on explaining my situation as it is my right to have quietness especially in the early morning and the late night even if I didn't have misophonia, but it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and I got a horrible reaction I didn't expect to receive. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. I tried to knock again, but he completely ignored me.

The thing is, I have terrible anxiety, so all the kid-screaming has become a horrible fear of mine, all the time, even when they're not screaming, it is all I am worried about. My house is my safe place from all the things that can give me anxiety, but the kids screaming is the only thing that can perforate that haven and conquer me in my safety. It is like misophonia and anxiety are just planning to give me a heart attack. I am a grown man and I hear a kid screaming and sends within me this horrible, deep fear and anger and annoyance and I am not a jerk because I can't seem to control it.

Even my brothers are saying I am exaggerating, kids are supposed to play in the street or in the garden, but, for me, there are six things that make me angry and afraid:

1-It is a constant, daily reminder about how I can't confront others.

2-It triggers my misophonia which kind of paralyzes me.

3-There is no predicting it, it can happen at any time, at any day, so there isn't a pattern where I can build my life around it like other anxieties I have and create a system to make me less anxious about it .

4-The lack of respect of letting them scream at early mornings on holidays and weekends or at late nights on work nights.

5-The fact they scream all the time, they don't play quietly, they SCREAM, and their parents seem to think it's okay.

6-That there seems to be no other neighbor bothered by this, it makes me feel abnormal.

I am just so tired of this, a whole year of paralysis within my own home. There are certain rooms I avoid going into just because it is on the side of the house closer to those neighbors, because what if there kids were screaming now? It'll ruin my whole day.

I used to LOVE winter, but now I dread it, because it is the time they play outside the most, unlike the summer when it is hot.

As I said, I have many anxieties, but this is the first one that paralyzes me within my home, the first one to cause me to have depressive episodes.

I am a collector, I collect things like first edition books, figures, china, vintage perfumes, even DVDs in the age of streaming services, being home was the pinnacle of my happiness, but now I don't enjoy my collections because they are there, in the house, where screaming from my neighbors might occur and then I'll just be sad and angry for the rest of the day with no interest in expanding my collections or going out. I can't even use the bathroom properly because it is on their side, so I use it quickly before someone screams and my day is ruined.

[Hidden]

soooooooooooooooooooo relate...........sooo get it........grew up wth fighting endlessly and those screams and all.........omg.............only thing that helps me is head phones esp as i can plug in my music......ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........(i love collecting tooo oh thank u thank u thank u.) and hate screaming and fighting and loud noises.....all im saying is ..........head phones help me......me me me mememe ...not not not nto not pushing..........just sharing a very very soft sincere feel for u ...feel for u feel for u.......thought...........not ......not not pushing (as i dont like being lectured....myself)....just a thoght and feel for u....happy collecting.......is it the best???????????????????????????

[alat in reply to Hidden]

I can't wear headphones for long, they give me earache and headache, so I have white noise machines, but after a while of them being on, they become annoying and I can't think or function so I have to turn them off, sometimes I turn them and no one screams (but I get anxious throughout the period that someone might), and sometimes I turn them off and someone screams and it ruins my whole day.

Collecting is the best, yes, but I miss tending to my collection and enjoying it. Now I am happy with every excuse that makes me leave the house.

[Hidden in reply to alat]

horses are exceptonally senstive to sound.......beng a horse guy and hope ur not offended by the comparision.............why wouldnt u want to get away from harsh sounds........only sensitible........they use that stuff for torture...........like i say my career is with animals.........u should see how upset they are when separated from a mate.......they wil come unglued..........ya.......all good horsemen work to put their horses at ease and fnd.......soluttions........whatever that might be..........feel for u.......whatever works for u .........

[alat in reply to Hidden]

Nothing is working for me. I am slowly losing my interest in everything and anything. I just want to sleep all the time and think about nothing.

[Celestialbird]

I can’t stand the sound of someone chewing, especially when they chew with their mouth open. I’m too afraid to say anything, because I don’t want to look like an a**hole. It gives me such an amount of rage and anxiety, I try not to eat with others. I understand how you feel. People don’t care about anyone but themselves, now.

Have you tried headphones, or ear plugs? I believe they make some specifically for sensory overload issues.

[alat in reply to Celestialbird]

I tried both, they give me a headache after a while, and, in a way, constantly wearing them makes me feel defeated, sad, and weak, as I had to resort to a constant change to my life that causes me pain just because they don't care about their neighbors. Does that make sense?

[DodgeDhanda]

HI A,

I get what U mean to a degree as my eldest daughter has it , especially others chewing loudly & I would say this is for a vast amount of people & that is ....

When a fork scrapes & scratches across a plate sets all of us off.

I believe its not just like nails across a chalk board but everyday things ALSO it's not a joke or a put on , it's recognised as something people suffer from

To help others understand its like U driving down the motorway & smelling fresh manure spread across field & throwing up.

Is there anything that helps U or techniques that can help

[alat in reply to DodgeDhanda]

No. Nothing is helping me. I am drowning. Anxiety, misophonia, and it seems I'm on the way to hosting a third guest: depression. I am slowly losing interest in people I love, in things that bring me joy; in my job, in my home. I am slowly being suffocated by it.

It infuriates me further that there is another human being who is the source of it all, and from today, I can tell they'll never care nor understand and there is nothing in my hands to do. People will always think me the jerk for being annoyed by kids doing what they're supposed to do, doing the thing adults envy them for the most: playing carefree. The authorities do not investigate children playing (regardless how loud and when they're playing), so I can't even report it. The people around me don't understand my condition. I am wrestling a beast within that everyone seems to recognize as only an exaggeration of my own nice, problem-free life, thus I created these imaginations and worries to keep my mind going.

For the first time ever, I can't think of anything to save me. With my anxiety of cars, as long as I am not in one, it is not there; with my anxiety of dirt, as long as I am home, knowing that I am in the place I cleaned according to how clean a place should be to my standards, it is not there; with my anxiety of work, as long as I am not in work or don't have meetings, it is not there; with my anxiety of diseases, as long as my tests are okay, it is not there; with my anxiety of being useless or poor, as long as I have a job and a home, it is not there, and so on, but with this one, it is different: it occurs all the time, and it invades me in my home, in my haven, and it has no specific rhythm or timing to it, and it is completely without the realms of my control. I am so tired.

[Hidden in reply to alat]

sounds very very frustrating and exhausting...very...feel for u.....id start to get discouraged and depressed myself always dealng with all that....wish i had answers but sure feel for u......

[alat in reply to Hidden]

It's okay, thanks for replying.

[Hidden in reply to alat]

maybe u have things that will come to u or others that have insights..feel for u

[Blueruth]

I’ve never heard of a landlord or HOA that didn’t have quiet time. Mental illness is irrelevant.

DVDs are actually making a comeback. My theory is, besides the scarcity of vinyl, these are people comparing the quality to Spotify which has the worst quality of streaming even on the paid. Either that or it is the satisfaction of stuff.

[alat in reply to Blueruth]

We don't have a landlord, each is the owner of their property (house). We also don't have an HOA. One of our neighbors has been having constructions since January, but I am not bothered by it, although they work on weekends too and as early as 7 AM. It is specifically the sound of children, especially when it's a time they shouldn't be playing at, that sends me into those whirls of anxiety attacks.

[Blueruth in reply to alat]

A neighbor of mine who lived through communist Romania said HOAs are the worst form of communism. That said I guess they have their uses. Still without knowing which country you are in the city has a noise ordinance. You should be able to look it up. You could probably print the rule and show or drop it at their door. Ideally it would be better to reason but sometimes that is not possible.

[alat in reply to Blueruth]

No, in my country HOAs are not a thing, they do not exist. I tried contacting multiple bodies but each tells me they are not mandated to look into noise, then I finally went to the police, they said they can't investigate children noises as "it is expected and normal in a neighborhood and a home".

[Blueruth in reply to alat]

Ah, yea…I didn’t think about that but I have traveled to places where noise is just part of the environment. If you have an ikea around they sell some sound absorbing stuff. A heavy fabric wall hanging might do the same thing. Or look into sound proofing materials like cork. You said headphones are uncomfortable but you might just need to find the right kind. If nobody is going to step in I think you are stuck with listening to it, moving , or making adjustments.

[designguy]

My granddaughter had this to some degree and my daughter found her a therapist who treated sensory disorders and it really helped. You might give that a try.

[alat in reply to designguy]

I am afraid because what if it doesn't help? It is currently the only hope that is getting me going, if I go through it and it proves futile, I would lose my only hope and it would completely wreck me. I know it sounds like I am creating my own problems, but I can't help the way I am thinking. The funny thing is: I know how unreasonable and petulant it all is, and I know how nonsensical my anxieties are, but I just can't control them, no matter how hard I try. I pressure myself a lot but I reach a point where I can't anymore. Sometimes I force myself to stick my ears against the window and hear the sounds by force so that I might be able to get used to it, but it just reaches a point where I can't breathe, one time I ever threw up.

[designguy in reply to alat]

I'm assuming you know that misophonia is related to OCD and that it is most likely what you are really dealing with? Have you had therapy and treatment for OCD? The problem is that you could move out into the country with very few people around but there are no guarantees that the noises from birds, animals, etc... wouldn't be an issue for you. To solve it you need to be able change how you react to the noises that rigger you. It takes courage and commitment but working with a therapist could make it easier.

[alat in reply to designguy]

I've had treatment for anxiety. I was never bothered by the sounds until exactly a year ago, I remember the date specifically: November 12th 2021. I don't know why. They always played and they were always loud and it never seemed to bother me and I never cared, but on that day, at exactly 2:12 PM (I remember the time too because I was baking cheesecake and I had to keep an eye on the time) they were playing outside and I just started being unable to handle it after a friend I had commented about how they are loud. It started striking fear and anger and disturbance in me when I hear it. No other sounds bother me, or other neighbors have been having constructions done to their house since January, and they'd start early, even on weekends, but those sounds don't bother me. The sounds of birds in the garden don't bother me either. It's specifically the loud, inconsiderate sound of the kids playing and screaming and laughing.

[designguy in reply to alat]

Hope you find what works for you.

[alat in reply to designguy]

Thank you.