Awful Feeling - A Social Anxiety Rant

[calicocat1804]

I lie when I get anxious and in any situations. I start getting extremely nervous and will lie about almost anything, even when I know it's a lie and I should just tell the truth.

I recently started to see someone and today was my first real test and it did NOT go well. Our dogs have become friends and they sleep together in the other room. Unfortunately after MNF + drinks we fell asleep and I'm assuming my dog went to the bathroom on the floor. I left very early and immediately panicked quickly attempted to clean it up, don't think I cleaned it ALL up and ran out of there. I had to go back after I left my keys and he was up trying to find the source and I said that I didn't see or smell anything and I just said bye and left. About 5 min. later he called me and asked if my dog went to the bathroom and if I was embarrassed to say something and that it was okay. I KEPT LYING! I kept saying that we were asleep and maybe it happened the night before and that maybe he did and I couldn't remember cleaning it up.

He knows I lied because, one when I cleaned it up I had a bottled drink I left on the ground, two, clearly he didn't clean it up and my drink was right there, three, clearly I didn't clean it up well because he mentioned that there was still a little more that needed to be cleaned up.

I feel sick, this is bad and I can't believe I did this, I kept saying to myself why did you do that, but in the moment I was frozen with fear and I was afraid he was going to be angry with me.

:/

[Nothing_but_books]

Hi calicocat. Welcome to our group.

That's a pretty scary story. I'm so sorry it happened! I understand you feel upset and confused. But what you did makes sense -- if you look at what you learned when you were young. Sometime, you found out you were safer if you didn't tell what happened.

I've experienced trauma too. It changes my reactions to anything that scares me.

You didn't deserve to learn to be scared of normal mistakes. None of us do.

Please try to find a way to comfort and forgive yourself.

[mentalhealthandme]

i do the same thing I panic so I just say whatever comes to mind first which is usually not the truth and after I feel awful. And once you lie you feel like you can't go back so it escalates.