my own worst enemy

[emha22]

does anyone else relate that they themselves are what’s standing between now and recovery?

In 2020 I was involved in a collision with a drunk driver that left me with 19 fractures and endless internal and mental health issues. I was disgnosed with ptsd very early on due to the 2 months I spent in hospital and the horrific flashbacks I would get from that time but earlier this year everything started to crash down again and I fell into a depressive pit like no other. To say I hate my life is an understatement. I am so so angry at what’s happened to me and spend so much time dreaming about how my life ‘should’ be. I am reluctant to accept that I am now disabled and the sheer thought of it makes me ball my eyes out. It’s a horrible feeling because I have no hatred for anyone else or the disabled community itself but I F-ing hate myself and how disabled I am to put it blankly.

My psychiatrist has prescribed me multiple antidepressants and anti anxiety medications and it does take the edge off but it doesn’t stop how I feel. I feel completely depressed when I think about who I am now and what that horrible person has done to me. My psychiatrist always says that I am the only person that can fix this and that it’s my mindset that needs correcting so I don’t feel so repulsed by myself. I just don’t physically think that is possible. That involves accepting what has happened and I feel that is never going to happen. Every single day without fail I wake up and just realised this nightmare is not over and that I am still physically disabled and it destroys me. How am I going to swallow the pill of what’s happened when I feel like it is too big to ever digest. I know I’m bringing myself down but I can’t help it and don’t ever see this changing. Any thoughts?

[just_keep_swimming]

have you tried see if there are any support groups in your area specifically to people who have been in a similar situation as yourself ? All I can say is even though it feels like a lot now and I’m not sure the injures you sustained but there is time for growth and improvement and it takes time it’s not going to happen overnight .