Going through a tough time and need advice

[Rose23456]

hi everyone I would really appreciate any advice or support you can give. I have a brother who is 23 and very depressed and has suicidal ideations. He is depressed because he feels he cant date and get married which he feels is the main point of life. His stomache makes noise and he is very embarressed of it. Therefore he avoids social situations. (It doesnt constantly make loud noises non stop and i think its normal i heard a lot of ppls stomache make noise but he is extremely intolorant of it) Also, he got a jaw surgery and he says that it is uncomfortable and he is embarrassed to eat in public. (On the outside his jaw looks fine to me and others and you cant tell he got a jaw surgery)

I told him its social anxiety and he can get better by going to therapy and learning to be ok with his jaw and stomache noise but he gets very upset and fustrated when I tell him this because he says I dont understand him. Whenever I try to speak about options that can help him he refuses to hear it and says his problem isnt psychological it is only physical and he can only get better and continue to live if his stomache stops making noise And his jaw becomes comfortable again.

This has been going on for many years. I dont know what to do. I tried making lots of logical debates how it is possible to become ok with stomache noise and lots of people have it and are not embarrassed of it but he refuses to listen and see a therapist or doctor. He feels that it would be impossible for him to be ok with his stomache noise and he would rather not live than to be ok with it. He believes it is really unacceptable and he doesnt even want to become ok with it.

I asked him what he would rather me tell him instead of telling him to try meditation and therapy and he said I can only tell him his situation is hard and he is screwed and there is nothing that can be done. He says when I give him advice i am implying that something can be done and he feels im not understanding his problem because he believes his problem is only physical and not psychological and he can only get better physically.

He said he will only listen to my arguments if i find someone that has the same situation as him (embarressed of stomache noise to the point where he refuses to eat in a quiet room) and has gotten better and then he will consider therapy.

Does anyone know of someone with the same situation that is now living a normal life that he can talk too? Also how do i comfort him when he gets suicidal thoughts? Giving advice and hope that he can change himself seems to make him worse.

[Driftr]

I cant offer advice on the stomach issue but can offer some support and advice with the suicide topic. For me when i get suicidal thoughts i find it most helpful when people remind me that the dsrkness wont last it never does. Id trybto stay away from saying things like change yourself because if it were that easy he would have already done it. Mental health is so tricky sometimes. I hope you and your brother find comfort soon

[Rose23456 in reply to Driftr]

thank you

[101315]

i keep cycling back to this post hoping i will have encouraging words for your brother. I am at a loss.

Suicidal thoughts can take over. Nothing that others say will resonate and all attempts are seen as pity. While it is an unenjoyable situation to be like this, the comfort of consistency is oddly what keeps some people so depressed for so long. Fear of getting better and embarking on a new path can force more of the same comfort in misery feelings.

Obviously it is hard for those around them to understand it. I do not think even the person feeling so down has a full understanding.

Patience, compassion and and perseverence.. all you can offer.

[designguy]

As you know it's a difficult situation when someone refuses to accept the reality that they need to change their thinking and behavior and there is only so much you can do about it.

I suggest contacting your local NAMI organization for help and see what kind of assistance they can provide you and him with.