feeling isolated , new to online group support

[Forgetmenots1]

Today I got into another fight with my sister. We have always had a rocky relationship and I’ve always just wanted her love. I’ve also never held any feelings of hate towards her, and for the most part I let what she does go. Unfortunately today’s fight turned physical and I live with her as well. I was able to escape to my parents house this week, but I know I will have to go back again eventually. When I moved in with her and my brother I thought she had changed so much after a few years of distancing our relationship. We were only talking here and there which lead to hanging out again. Todays fight brought me back to all the emotional abuse and physical abuse I suffered with her since child hood. Something I don’t often think about. It didn’t help that she herself brought it up as one of the topics in our fight amongst many low blows and tried to say she has tried to apologize for it, which she never really has. It heated me and I started saying details of how she physically abused me as a kid. Long story short I was the one called “crazy” as she invalidated my experience saying none of it never happened. She stepped it up by telling me “that is all the stuff she experienced with our dad when we were small kids, how dare I turn it into my own stuff” , “ I just don’t remember because I was too little.” hate to brake it to her the apple apparently didn’t fall to far from the tree and she has literally repeated the cycle then. I have very little memories from before the 2nd grade I blocked most of it out. I remember my dad could be scary and a few memories of him yelling or hitting me but most of it’s gone. Though my body remember because of the automatic fear and anxiety that runs through my body when my dad yells or makes certain faces. What I do remember clearly thought is all the times from the 3rd grade all the way into middle school that my sister hit me, attempted to strangle me, drown me or twisted my arm along with the rest of the things she did when she was assigned to watch me as a sister who’s 4 years older. I clearly remember all the times I hid under the bed crying under my bed just to get away from her till my parents came home. Even in from high school up to now she has started plenty of physical altercations. That said I feel isolated because I feel as though I can’t talk to my parents about any of these feelings. I feel like I’m burden if I talk to the few friends I have about any of these feelings. But most of all I’m frustrated and hurt that I’m being accused of making up years of physical and emotional abuse that I’m well and capable of remembering. I wonder if anyone can relate to this feeling of invalidation or frustration of the just wanting a family member to take accountability and acknowledge what they did was wrong.

[Call_me_anything]

I'm sorry you had to go through all this. If you ever need a friend to talk to , I will be there for you.

[Forgetmenots1 in reply to Call_me_anything]

Thanks that tea means a lot! it’s nice have some where to get all of this out. And have people who will listen who can maybe relate.

[Forgetmenots1 in reply to Forgetmenots1]

Lol I meant means*

[Call_me_anything in reply to Forgetmenots1]

😁😁

[bowJim]

I read your story with such familiaralities to events in my life, the relationships, the feelings, and memories are familiar to me, yet the understanding of what I know now came late in my life.

It is sad because only recently after years of trying to balance my emotions, the difficulties when amongst my siblings, mother and late father left me feeling wrecked.

After a couple of indepth medical diagnosis due to my physical health, which included pain and fatigue, I eventually recieved help for my mental health, it was only at this time and now just under 60 yrs that the truth was uncovered.

The tests revealed severe depression and anxiety and trauma. (from my childhood)

It was a shock, really I thought I had processed this stuff, got over it, told myself it was not that bad really, yet in reality it has affected my relationships, my belief of others, what I thought of myself basically it has controlled my whole life.

The good news is I know now I am a normal person from an abused childhood a kind of revalation to most of the things that have happened in my life, the ways I behaved for years were all due to things stored in my subconscious mind.

It was a big step, I thought I was normal (so much to say, I was coping, in reality I was not)

I have received therapy, psychotherapy, truama therapy, hypnotherapy and my life has been better now than ever before, it has not all been plane sailing, more guilt, shame, processing the entire revelation and understanding why I am what I am, and how the thing like you describe affected me. - trauma treatment has some great results today, let me know if you want more info, best wishes.

[designguy]

Welcome to the group, sorry you are going through this. Your post brought up the memories of my childhood growing up with three brothers and all we did was fight and it has continued on into adulthood. I've finally had enough and no longer have anything to do with my two remaining brothers, fortunately we live at opposite ends of the country from each other. Our parents were emotionally and physically abusive and awful at modeling healthy emotional behavior. There is a lot of negative unrealistic stigma about disconnecting from your family of origin but taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries is the best thing you can do. You don't need your family to validate you, you need you to validate and love yourself and no it's not selfish at all.

[Forgetmenots1]

Thanks that means a lot. And was good to hear! I hope you are having a wonderful day 😊