seems everyone has a man to love them, what’s wrong with me?

[BrokenHope]

tonight is just another night of asking myself what is wrong with me ? Am I ugly looking? Am I so scarred from previous marriage that no man COULD love me? I try to smile and hope a good honest loving man would smile back. Say hello maybe? Anything? But there’s nothing. I can’t lose myself again trying to make a man love me. Already did that and it was pointless. I’m not looking to marry again. I am not into the one night stand thing though it has crossed my mind very briefly at low days because I tired of sleeping alone. I call myself (in my mind only) “man repellent”. It all has nothing to do with “I will just die if i don’t have someone”, it’s I want to. To do things together or just to watch tv with….anything! I’m 56 and I ask myself is this how I will live the rest of my life???? I don’t know what if anything to do. What is wrong with me? I’m so sad and lonely inside. Can’t talk to friends cause they don’t get it…..am I broken? 😰

[Hidden]

are .....we ........lost cousins???? guys feel same way.......expeirenced same and why we stay busy with work and art and just to keep fro screaming.....and because what counselor wont dump on u....bad choices and anand none of which are true..

ya....people dont get.......that both men and women are like charlie browns christmas tree.............unwanted little tree he loved...and part of the point and part of the walk up call..........honey....nothing wron with u.........need a pen pal and like any plant or gods creatures we die inside without some tlc..........but u have a huge kind heart........and dont push people away like my ex..........so a guy can slowly say hello and u wont tear his eyes out....

i had a love just like u ....soo over looked.....she made everyday special....she never push my soft affection away....she knew i was trying........she appreciated any attempt to try to do sometinng nice or tell her.....v what.......only a mercedes? not blue? ......ultra entitled ...........

soooooooooo mega sorry ur going through this....sure u have tons of qualities and so kind which real men......real .....real men....see hear and cherish........v the crows............love to hear anyting aout anying about anthing ur interested in .....and just dont stop talking........................unfortuantley us guys.......after divorce are on the rocks and which good hearts............whod want us.......same......knock on my door anytme.....take care.. ....big bird sends his best......sooooooo sorry ur going through this.....

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

met her in a group and she was soo sad and so crushed ....going on about how her faults and ..............what?????? the sweetest kindest woman in the world (labeled as personality disorder if u can blieve that noise).........after awhile i couldnt take it and told her....u got it all wrong...........thankfully she ==s happily married .........she was esp compared to my refrig ex...........she was soo kind....u sound ...just...like her..........i couldnt take care of her post divorce...nothing wrong with her at all.........the kindest sweetest most generous heart (not saying i asked anyting of her...saying she apprecaited anying i tried v my ex.....) .............i wish u noting but he best and hope mr wonderful finds u and hears u heart....i truly truly do.....;ike i told her.....thres absoutluy nothing......wrong with u.......most women in my world rip ur eyes out if u try to be nice....u never be that way...

[bowJim]

Well I am a man, (happily married man) and you pushed some buttons for me, very emotional reading your post, I can feel your pain. I kind of think back to a single life, the time when you are younger as if for the first time in your life you are looking for someone to partner.

As I went though my life I started to find me, I had no idea who I was really, I mean I could see myself in the mirror for sure, but who am I, I think this takes a bit of working out.

If I was you right now, I would look at myself, I do teach online groups, one of the first things we do is getting to know you!

We use online tools, different tasks, a quiz something like the Buzz quiz - icould.com this is a profile quiz and can look a bit of fun, but it is real, if you don't like this site use another, in fact try a few, the picture will build over time.

What this does for my groups is it helps individuals learn who they are, what they like and dislike - I kind of think (please excuse me for any assumptions) 'We think who we are', what we like' but can be very wrong.

,

With my group we get great results, as we learn who we are, our self esteem, confidence, etc all build, - give it a try, I guess you just need to look at yourself and give yourself some direction. Good luck😊

[Painny]

I’m touched by your conversation. This is a question I often ask myself!

I have not been in a relationship for 10 years. I’m of two mind whether or not I want a man in my life; a lot of time I do but those I see are not my cup of tea and I want someone who is almost complete, in reality it does not exit and I know I don’t live in a real life with depression.

My life was doomed from the start and my poor health is a contributing factor in making bad choices

You are not alone in your thoughts 💭 I’m constantly questioning even my whole being in this planet.

I hope you find a deserving partner, you are young x

[FindingTheAnswers]

I understand. I’m on the flip side of the same situation. Covid (wearing a mask) hasn’t made this any easier. I probably have more baggage then most on this website, from the family I grew up in. And then I got married. I thought she had herself together better than I did. Wrong. Be both came from families with plenty of problems (Dysfunctional). I’ve been divorced for 25 years, and yeah, there’s a couple of memories that come back out if no where to haunt me (even after many years of Therapy). And I am far, far from perfect. We both know that you thinking about a 1 night stand has to do with a lot more than sex. You’re a human being. We all want to be with people we like to be around (as I say ‘My kind of people’). People who makes us feel loved, wanted, cared about, heard, understood, and much more. If we could find (more) people that we….. ‘clicked’ with, who would want to be alone? I’ve tried several ways to meet new people, but nothing has worked out yet (last group I tried, the next the oldest person was 32. Nice people, but… I felt out of place). To me, I think this gets tougher as we get older - we don’t meet people the same way-not as many parties, etc, that were more common when we were younger. Also, my friends are all married with kids and some with Grand kids, so obviously there life is quite different than mine. Being married before, you’ve probably heard the saying ‘It’s better to be alone, than being with someone and feeling alone.’ But then there’s as you said about not wanting to sleep alone. And again, much more. Don’t give up on giving someone a smile or saying hello, as you may get a positive result. Something that often comes to mind when I’m with married people is ‘how does he stand her? (and vice versa). There’s only a few married couples who have the relationship I would like to emulate. Hang in there.

[Blueruth]

I often feel this way and my mother doesn’t help. Actually in the past I would have said “how can you say unlovable when you actually were loved? You experienced love even if it wasn’t forever, etc “. Brenè brown directly addresses this by saying we all have our shame. You can learn to be a friend to yourself. That will make you more attractive to yourself and others. Don’t be like me. I took so long to learn that I now deal with inertia and being too independent to live with someone. (I need a Hepburn - Tracy relationship less the infidelity. )

[Midori]

First start going out on your own, maybe a coffee shop. Take a book as they are often an icebreaker, sit and just unobtrusively people watch, and read a bit. it may not happen immediately, but after a few times folk will start to recognise you and say hi.

Take it slow and try not to appear clingy or needy. Even other women often have male friends or relatives they could maybe introduce you to.

Being alone is not such a bad thing. I've been solo for 31 years, bringing up my children. My daugher is married with a teenage boy, and my son is my carer as, due to my late husband I am now disabled.

I'm fine with men at a purely social level, but no closer.

Cheers, Midori