I'm just not sure.

[Catscatsy]

I really, really felt like I was recovered. Now I feel confident, but I feel like a jerk, I feel like a shell. i feel like I have to go back, back to my feelings, back to anxiety, maybe I just feel disconnected right now, but seriously. There was a lot of really good potential relationships I could have had, and i just ran, I just didn't do anything. Am I really still afraid? Why am I still held back.

[Stippler]

I am sorry you are down. I hope this is not rambling, and I really hope it is helpful to you. For me, recovery is like a pendulum, swinging back and forth. Some days I feel good like I have made lots of progress. Then I feel bad and it is easy to believe I never accomplished anything. Often I feel like I've learned so much, while other times I feel like I am just being arrogant. A friend recently told me I am not as good as I think I am. But he said I am not as bad as I think I am either. What I am coming to believe is I will never be "fully recovered." But no efforts are wasted, and one of the most important things for me is to accept myself, faults and all. There are times I feel like I have no friends, but I do. But, either way, I need to be a good friend to myself. This is often easier sometimes than other times. Nobody is perfect, and we all here to learn. It is not always easy, but I try to be patient with myself and forgive myself. For me, it is often unclear whether I even "messed up" or not. I try to forgive my uncertainty, and remember I can only do my best. You have a lot of people here who care about you. I would like to just say, keep on trying and don't give up. I hope this helps.

[Catscatsy in reply to Stippler]

Wow, your whole description about feeling arrogant and feeling like a pendulum was right on. I feel a little better now, so I'd like to say you helped me a lot. Thank you so much.

[Stippler in reply to Catscatsy]

You are welcome, always. Glad I could help, and most important, I am glad you are feeling better. 😊

[Hidden]

We all may have some hard feelings or regrets about certain situations. No matter. You still have the rest of your life to live. You learn from your mistakes and you move forward.

[designguy]

Setbacks are a common part of growth and recovery. They can be unsettling but the good thing is you've already learned some skills and gained insight so the setback isn't as long or severe. One of the things you might investigate is attachment disorder and how that can effect your relationships with others and yourself. It's helped me gain some insight and understand why relationships have been hard for me.

[Catscatsy]

Thank you for the advice. I'll do some research on attachment disorder. You're right about being ahead of where I was before even though I have problems now, I don't feel completely destroyed like I would have been before.