Today, two years ago I had surgery to remove cancer.
Two years ago I had cancer.
I was terrified.
June 2020:
My step dad (my dad) was diagnosed with prostate cancer that spread to his liver.
A month later I found out I had thyroid Cancer.
My cat just died after a long battle with kidney disease. My little soul mate, my son.
I was getting married in 3 months.
All this made my health anxiety extremely bad. I was planning a wedding, worried about if I was going to lose my dad, just lost my furry baby and feeling like this was the end before it could even begin.
All I could think was I'm going to die and I'm never going to get married.
I'm going to die and not see my nieces grow up.
I'm going to die and never have children.
I have cancer and I'm going to die.
The list went on and on.
I didn't die.
I had a total thyroidectomy they removed my cancer and I am ok. We have made it past our worst days. So if your struggling know that it will get better and if it sucks for a bit more know that it will pass. We will handle what comes our way and we will have people here to help us get thru.
You are not alone. Keep pushing.
Xo,
Merlin
Written by
stellina04
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Thank you for this post I’m glad you were able to make it through and have good success I was just told I most likely have Chiari Malformation according to my MRI. I had bad health anxiety before this just made it 10x worse. Now I don’t know if it’s the stress and anxiety that spiraled I experienced a couple months ago causing my weird symptoms or if it’s the Chiari. Still waiting to go to a neurosurgeon. Just very scared and nervous trying to stay strong and keep pushing
Adam, you got this friend! Things will continue to happen so we need to just try and ride the waves.
It's going to be okay A friend of mine had a sibling with Chiari it's actually quite common I believe. It's usually found at a younger age. Try to keep yourself calm until you see your neurosurgeon. You are strong! ❤️
I'm so sorry for all you have endured. Talk about an overflowing plate of fear and sadness.
I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. I know how painful this can be. Your dad? This may be a source of pain and I don't want to upset you. Please don't answer if it's too hard for you.
So happy you got through your cancer treatment. Who wouldn't be afraid when you hear that diagnosis. Such inner strength is needed to push through this. The will to live is so strong and our " fight" comes out despite all the fear.
If it helps I just want you to know my best friend went through this 8 years ago and she is doing fabulous.
Merlin, my heart is with you for all that you have been through. There is always a lesson at the end of these battles. One is we realize what the important things in life are.
Thank you! You know when you get that diagnosis it seems quite surreal. Like you watching from the outside. Once ypu hear cancer you hear nothing else.
I was lucky enough to find it early enough that It was easy to remove but it was still terrifying.
A spark for my anxiety Is that I had off thyroid levels for 3 years and my doctor said it was nothing. I found an endocrinologist on my own who discovered it was cancer. So I have a problem trusting doctors now.
My (step dad) who I call dad is definitely a stressor. He is doing well tho and Treatment has been working. He's still as active as ever. He's a referee and he refuses to slowdown. Idk what I'd do without him.
My real dad passed away in 2010 he was in the service. We weren't close he didn't come around until I was 12 so I didn't know him very well. When your a kid it's hard to want to get to know someone who didn't want to get to know you. When he did finally I didn't really care. I regret that now but, I know he loved me and I did love him too. He passed away of ALS which is a huge spark for my anxiety and my constant worry. His they say was genetic which is why I worry so much. He was 49 when he passed.
I'm so happy for your friend! That's fantastic! ❤️
I have a hard time seeing the positive but overcoming this is definitely one of them. I'm trying to view things differently. I am extremely grateful to be here!
If anyone was wondering here is the actual Merlin. My boy. He passed away September 2019.
What a beautiful boy. You and Merlin were def soul mates. It's so hard to lose this type of bond. I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts.
So happy your dad is doing well.
As far as your biological dad goes. He made his choices. I'm sorry he died from such a horrible disease. But I am very happy you have had a wonderful male role model in your life. That saying ....: " any man can be a father, but not every man can be a dad" comes to mind.
Scary when a Dr fails to pick up on a red flag. I'm glad you took it into your own hands and got checked.
Life is good. You have had some very challenging times.
I am so glad you are here. Thank you for sharing your story
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A friend of mine had a sibling with Chiari it's actually quite common I believe. It's usually found at a younger age. Try to keep yourself calm until you see your neurosurgeon. You are strong! ❤️
Long Ago
This is why I never had children, and I sadly guess I never will.
Sad today. 
20 YEARS AGO AND 20 YEARS LATER
