I got through the night by drugging myself enough not to feel what I feel. It's not a life I ever imagined.
Imaginary dinners all week that go away at the last minute, as soon as I'm screamed at. Was gonna write "screamed at for...", but there ain't a "for" 'cept I'm me. Carrying a mark I can't see.
I cant' breathe, the jealousy and hate -- ain't that a nice word -- hurt so. Seeing the wonderful creature that's there for everyone else.
I'm in a fairy tale where the creature transforms only in front of my eyes. No one believes it's not me.
Tormenters..... we've talked about them. How can we respect and give our hearts to them. No way. They have their own issues but they also make choices. They are accountable for their choices.
We do what we need to do to survive. No one sees them for what they really are except those of us they choose to hurt.
I love the idea of this but for me, when I’m deep in my depression, the things listed here feel like step 10 when I’m still on step 1.
For me it’s about the pre-list before the list that’s like… surround yourself with people and situations that make you feel good, seek opportunities to smile & laugh, be gentle with yourself… any others like this?
You are doing great! Keep it up, lovely. I know you don’t feel great but you are a great one and deserve for your feelings to match- great. I hope you have some peace tonight. Let me know if you do?
I have the exact same problem with my benzos. I never know if I really need a dose. I would rather not take them at all! But sometimes it makes all the difference. I would love to be without them and confident without them. I take very little my meds dr says, but I’ve taken them for fours years or so and that’s way too long!
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