can’t cope

[Katie9009]

Finding it hard to “cope” because coping mechanisms don’t don’t work with me especially mindfulness just makes me more aware of how messed up my brain is and how messed up the world is. Suicidal ideation all day every day for past 16 years, 8 different antidepressants don’t work, 4 different hospitalizations. I don’t know what to do anymore. The thought of having to suffer for another 60 years probably makes me sick and beyond hopeless. What do I do? I’ve tried everything.

[Nothing_but_books]

Mindfulness isn't my friend either. I just relive trauma.

Suicidal ideation? Been there, done that.

I may hold the world's record for antidepressants that only made me sick.

All of which is to say -- you are not alone. I understand.

What to do? Keep trying to find what does work for you. Somebody else may not have the exact right answer, but this forum is a good place to reach out. It's not theoretical knowledge here, but people living it in the real world.

[Hidden]

Katie, you got a long haul ahead of you. All your stuff, minus the suicidal ideas , I’ve experienced 3 fold, but, I’m 72+. I think you need to be around people like us. This is all virtual, but, it is real. These people here are what you need right now! Slow & Steady, relax & appreciate this site. Use it for what you need. In the meantime start getting around like people in person . You’ll be doing fine soon. Stay with us,we need you too

[Hidden]

Don’t give up hope that your life can get better. I hope you are getting some kind of therapy.