Life beyond your control

[puppyplaytime]

Anyone feel like your life is pre-determined and beyond your control?

I try to learn things from YouTube videos and other sources. They all say you have to power to change your life, but I'd say mine has been a matter of luck.

I have the best wife in the world, a decent job that pays well, my health, and a nice house that we got for cheap, but I have stumbled into all of those good fortunes by dumb luck, not by trying.

As for a social life, I've tried all the cliches: getting yourself out there, being proactive, being a good listener, volunteering, etc., but none of it has been fruitful. We are by ourselves on weekends, with the exception of a handful of engagements that we had to initiate, but were never reciprocated. I've been sending greeting cards for holidays and birthdays to my crazy mother for 10+ years, but haven't heard a thing back all that time. It would be nice to have a community and support system, but it's exhausting to be the one taking all the initiative.

I'm starting to think you have control over the small things, like where you go for dinner, or whether you go to therapy, take proper meds for anxiety/depression, etc., but the longer I live, the more I think the big picture items like social support, career, etc. are beyond our control, even as the world of self-help tells us we have the power to change all of that.

Can anyone relate?

[AnxiousSilver]

F&F - Welcome.

Second - This is a good and supportive community.

Feel free to check out the other threads, share, and hopefully relate.

[AnxiousSilver]

"Anyone feel like your life is pre-determined and beyond your control?"

I struggle with that one.

FWIW: (For what it's worth)

I believe in God.

I believe in putting things into God's hands.

I also believe that we have the free-will to do what we want. (but still trying to do God's will)

BUT..

I'm also open to the thought of, "We chose this life" before we were born. If you know what I'm saying.

IDK.. I've done a lot of deep thought on that one.

[puppyplaytime in reply to AnxiousSilver]

I'm not religious, but come from a strong catholic background. One thing that stuck with me is the idea of growth and meaning through helping others.

As acknowledged, I am pretty fortunate in a number of ways, apart from lacking a bit of roots and community. My hope is to do more to build community for others while trying to find it myself, as opposed to being simply a taker and/or a psychological drain on others.

[Louie35]

Focus on all those great things that you do have, your great wife, your home and career!!! Outside of that maybe try reading some philosophy, the taoists, Confucius, the greeks, the romans, anything really that might help put some things into perspective.

[Blueruth]

There is truth in this. If you were lucky to be raised with the right socioeconomic environment then you are truly lucky. I just took a moment to examine the trajectory of my career took. It is strange how my gender held me back but I did it much slower but I did it. I should have been given the same opportunities my brother was. However being raised in the right socioeconomic environment played a large role having a good career.

You do have the options to socialize and be part of the community. My take is you are using these opportunities to gain friends (be fruitful) when actually you could be enjoying the activity all by itself. Am I right? I get exhausted with people too. I have found enjoyment spending a few hours with casual friends and strangers doing something I really enjoy. It doesn't matter what comes next.

My selfish side wants to say that you have a lot. You do have support that I would give anything for. Sounds like you might enjoy the company too. I would love to share meals with someone. I make delish food. I would love to share the bills too. I already fear retirement in this country and I am only a couple years older than you. Those are really simple, basic things. Too much to ask?

Brene Brown talks a lot about how whatever we have or don't have is something someone else would want or not want. You may want to feel satisfied with what I have and I would cherish sharing a meal with someone I love.

[b1b1b1]

You may have more than you realize. There are many many lonely people, including those who live alone and lack family or friends. Try to enjoy what you have. You might also consider joining a church, even if you are not religious, as this would provide quite a few activities. Someone else mentioned that you should just try to enjoy the activity and if friends come fine, and if not, at least you are enjoying the activity. this is good advice.

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One valuable lesson I have learned from recent events is that very little in life is in your control.