Life long Suffering

I've suffered from depression as far back as a child as I can remember. My family dynamics was a physical, mental and emotional abuse by a parent. I've gone thru numerous medications, counselling, group therapies, etc. Although some of these examples have been helpful, I still find myself going down that spiral fall where I'm back to feeling sad, depressed, feeling of unworthy, stupid, useless. the list goes on. I'm exhausted to continue to fight this condition. Although I do recognize when I'm in a bad rut of depression, it never gets easier.

It's a terrible way to go thru life. Not only for myself, but for my friends and family who know what I deal with. I feel tremendous guilt that my loved ones also have to deal with my depression, they never signed up for this.

What are some ways you have dealt with this same situation?

[Roxylox]

The root of my depression is more emotional neglect ( unintentional) by the remaining parent after my mother died - she had been affectionate.I find having gratitude for those close to you helps. Journalling in general helps me release feelings.

I am currently trying not to be my own worst critic.

I find some coping Apps helpful. Somebody on this site posted a link to the app Intellect. I have found that very useful.

[designguy]

Sounds like you have been through a lot and tried a lot of different things but incase you haven't you might consider working with a therapist that specializes in treating c-ptsd/trauma, mine used emdr therapy which I found very helpful. Also, I went through numerous meds without finding one that helped and then did a psychopharmacological test which used my dna to determine which meds were best for me genetically. I started on one it recommended and it has worked well. I live in the States and my test was from Genesight and paid for by my insurance, i'm not sure what other countries it's available in but there are probably similar brands available.

[cbgrace1980]

I grew up in a similar situation to yours. I didn't know what depression was until after I had a baby. I had Post Partum Depression and that started my journey to try to figure out why I was depressed. Sometimes it can be a chemical imbalance, sometimes it can be an inability to process childhood trauma, or a combination of both. Life's circumstances do not get easier so it's important to keep trying to find a way to cope. I have worked with a counselor and a doctor to find the right balance of what works for me. I am praying you find relief soon.