Hi, HU fam, ive become an aunt yesterday💐. Also noticed a lot of us are struggling rn💐

[Against_the_current]

I wasn't going to talk about it but i feel like i want to. You're like fam to me, i wanna share. My coisin became a dad yesterday. I'm not much happy tho, and i feel bad about it, i'm fighting myself so much, i'm so numb and i feel bad about it that i can't feel feeling besides fear and desperation. It looks like a lil monkey.( Like my coisin did when he was little. Yeah, he's younger than me.) Ahh my last post about the animals 😭. And i'm fighting my paedophobia that came from my father's baby. But good that i'm managing my paedophobia to be a good aunt. I don't know how to aunt. Any aunties? Or uncle's? Weird that i know the name of my nephew before of my sister. Granma was mad about the name but i love it. It's really a beautiful name Daniel. I love this name. And the name doesn't matter so much, what matters is that they're okay. Also i used to have some gay feeling for my coisin in law, even mom saw it and joked about it (good she joked instead of kicking me out, ik some ppl don't have this luck). But i'm over it since long ago. My brain is a mess. Ahhhh i said brain. Got images of the monkeys in my head. Just woke up and im panicing. Also dad came over. He stayed for like 9 mins. And i have classes. And homeworks. I can't even write my homeworks and i think about how i should work. What if dad stops funding me - mom won't fund me, she would start "see he's a jerk, it's because of the baby, he doesn't care about you, you're old, take care of yourself on your own, you're like a princesses living life" and so and with this trauma i won't be able to work. Okay back to my thought - had dad today, having classes, will have therapy, writing homeworks i missed, writing an article due 1st may, writing a story due 1st may, will volunteer next week, got into other volunteering as well (what's wrong with me?! I feel like i NEED to help all Cases. I need to help. People and animals are in pain. Like i am. We need help. If i can't get help, i should give it). And it's the byzantine orthodox Easter here on sunday and saturday mom will pick me up to go to Grandma's and i'm scared. The Holy week i always feel really anxious. Espessially at Friday. As If i'm hurting with Him or what. It's odd. My messiah complex. And Grandma there, mom and sis. Oh okay back to my first thought, this was supposed to be a positive post. Okay, i might to to Grandma's and be worried about it but at least i will see my nephew there and try to fight my paedophobia and everyone will be busy with him instead of me. The spotlight effects plays a role in social anxiety. Auntie for the first time. I hope i am good. And i noticed a lot of us are struggling rn. Wanted to tell you, you're not alone.