Heart is aching

[Black_dog_summer456]

I'm in a lot of pain right now. My relationship with my girlfriend who I have known for 7 years, and been with her in person for 4 years, and also have 2 daughters with her is feeling pretty broken right now. I am not sure if the damage that has been done to our relationship is repairable. When we first met in person, we immediately went to living together, because we only knew each other long distance. She got tired of her family drama, and came to stay with me, and we wanted to try things out in person. When we met, I wasn't in a good head space, and was afraid of commitment. She wanted more than that, but stayed with me anyways, and that pain built up inside of her a lot over the years. After some time I felt alright with being committed to the relationship, and wanted to be with her and make things work. The pain that had built up over time from her suppressing what she wanted spilled out, and she started to basically hate me, called me whatever name she could think of. Now after us having 2 daughters together, and trying to make things work, It's like there is a switch that happened 2 years ago with her. Sometimes when getting in an argument or conflict, she says mean things, and her tone of voice changes to sarcastic or angry. I love her and care about her, but I don't know how to heal our relationship. We did couples counseling for a year, which seemed to help some, but we still get in the same arguments. There seems to be a lot of pain in our relationship. I'm not sure where to go from here, and what the best situation would be for our daughters also. I want her to be happy, but I don't know if that would be with me.

[Roxylox]

It looks like she won't make you bappy if she's so mean to you, you deserve happiness.

[bethelbee]

Maybe you two need to be apart and reevaluate the relationship. It doesn't sound healthy at all, in fact sounds toxic so is not good for the kids. They shouldn't have to grow up in that kind of environment and you don't deserve how she is treating you. Sounds like your girlfriend has anger issues.

[Black_dog_summer456 in reply to bethelbee]

She does have some anger issues. I told her that I want a healthy relationship without toxic patterns. A lot of it has been stuff carried from both of our upbringings. Ultimately, I am going to draw some really strong boundaries, and focus on healing myself. If she doesn't change the toxic behaviors and anger that is built up inside her, we will end up separating in the end. I don't want our daughters to grow up around a bunch of arguing and name calling at all. I want them to have a happy and healthy upbringing

[bethelbee in reply to Black_dog_summer456]

Sounds like a plan. Hope things work out for you, whichever way you want them to...you and your daughters deserve to be happy free from all the arguing. Is your gf getting counseling??

[Black_dog_summer456]

Yes she is getting personal counseling herself. She knows she has anger issues, and doesn't want to be like that, because it is just like her father. I'm going to a counselor next month myself to get some help. All I can do is work on myself, and set boundaries. Ultimately I can't control anyone else's choices or actions