Feel like a bad husband

[Skjones]

Never a a complement always a criticism, I know sometimes I forget to do things around the house and that's on me but when I do do things it's never a thank you always you did it wrong I don't k ow what to do. She never looks at the good I do always the bad and uses my mistakes against me and never gives me a chance to show I've changed the behavior. I am always trying to do better and do what I can I even picked up a second job to bring in more income so we can get a house and so she doesn't feel alone because she picked up a second job as well I am just lost she never wants to talk and says it's just the same stuff over and over again but that because she never tells me until she blows up and never wants to work on fixing things. I love her with all my heart and soul and will do anything for her but it feels like she doesn't want to put effort into us. I kn9w she had it rough and was on her own for along time but it's been 5 years and still acts like she's alone and won't let me fully be apart of her life.

[Blueruth]

What is she saying over and over again? When people repeat the same thing it is because they don’t feel heard. It could be that whatever she is saying is something you should listen to. Ask more questions about what she means. It might be weird at first so try again.

In my experience men often expect acknowledgement for things women think are just part of the job. This is especially true if your mom did a lot for your dad. I’m not saying she doesn’t appreciate your help. Just that she may see it differently. For example doing the bed is just something you do. It doesn’t warrant praise. Look carefully at the things she does daily. I’d wager there are a few things you don’t notice.

[Midori]

I replied to your previous message and made a few suggestions, but it is going to take time, you have both seemingly gotten into the habit of resenting each other and sniping at each other.

Somehow you both need to call a truce, and realise that this is something you both have to work at, Together.

It's not a one-sided thing, with one doing all the giving and the other all the taking. It's not one of you winning and the other surrendering.

You are supposed to have a partnership in this marriage, not a one-sided arrangement, and it would currently seem you wife is still resenting you, and letting you know it.

I really do hope you can manage to work things out. Neither one of you deserves to be unhappy.

Cheers, Midori