Don’t know how to handle this

[theatreblue97]

working in mental health has ruined me. i have witnessed so much trauma and experienced second hand trauma on top of what i’ve already been through. i feel like i’m about to fall apart. work is burning me out but i can’t talk about it because my coworkers said something to my supervisor last time as if im the only one frustrated. i just feel trapped and alone and like no one likes me. i feel like i try and try and it’s never good enough. i’m so depressed and constantly anxious, especially after a recent traumatic event at work. i need a new job but i can’t just quit because i’m my families primary breadwinner. i have to take care of them. sometimes, i think going to an inpatient mental health unit would be amazing, because then i could be away from everything. i would miss my husband terribly. i feel so inadequate to work in mental health when i’m passively suicidal almost daily. i want to quit so bad and just lay in bed all day and not talk to anyone or do anything.

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome! Thanks for sharing. We are here to listen and offer support.Have you told someone you trust about all this?

[theatreblue97 in reply to Hidden]

I have. my husband is super understanding and i have great friends but i just don’t know what to do. and they don’t always know how to help

[Hidden in reply to theatreblue97]

It's great that you have good support! I do understand, though. Our minds can play awful tricks on us and lead us to feeling very isolated despite having support. Just keep doing your best. That is all you can do. My psychiatrist likes to remind me that I've gotten through hard times before. That doesn't really help to hear when in such a bad place, but I can think back to it once in a better place and think, hey! He's right!

[theatreblue97 in reply to Hidden]

that’s a good thing to remember. i’ve gotten out of dark spots before and this one will pass too. thanks for your support

[Hidden in reply to theatreblue97]

You're welcome!👍

[JP26]

Hi I understand where you are coming from, it’s awful that feeling of feeling trapped and having no way out. Work/anxiety eventually has burnt me out and caused me to take a hiatus from work but now I just worry about the future and think about the past which just adds fuel to the fire. You need to speak up and take some time out before it happens to you too.

[theatreblue97 in reply to JP26]

i really want to take time off, but i don’t think it’s possible at this point. i feel so trapped.

[jackiesj]

TheatreBlue97 I get it...and how to step away from the thought process to even rejuvenate. your body mind and spirit.All is not lost.Do you have a Bishop or church that you can go into and talk or just sit at.I think also physically laying on a blanket just stretching....its a start.I was in a place...where i had given almost up.I have here and i am so thankful to all. Can you seek medical help without being known at work?Pls chat with me when ever you need. I have to sign in to get message but there is email.

[theatreblue97 in reply to jackiesj]

I do, but I haven’t talked to my pastor about it. i ain’t know if he works even know what to say. i have sought out medical care and am on antidepressants but i’m just not doing well over all. i think i should contact my dr. and ask for a referral for therapy, but money is so tight right now andi don’t want to take away from my family.

[Mrspjsmom]

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine working in mental health while suffering myself. I hope you can find someone you trust to talk to. If not post anytime. The people here are kind and understand the challenges of living with anxiety and depression. We do our best to help each other.

[theatreblue97 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Thank you so much. I’m working on finding a therapist, but I worry about my family’s financial situation. I keep thinking if I just tough it out for 2-3 more years, then we’ll move and I’ll be okay, but I don’t think that’s right or fair of me to myself. I truly appreciate your kind words.

[theatreblue97]

I had a situation where my life and others were put at risk about 2 weeks ago, and i’m still shaken up from it. i can’t believe i’m struggling so hard. having depression and anxiety myself and then helping others with it, i feel like such an imposter sometimes.

[designguy]

I can't even imagine how difficult it must be and i assume that dealing with covid in the last few years has made it even more difficult. I know a number of the therapists I have worked with over the years also go to therapy. You might consider that you are suffering from c-ptsd and might find it beneficial working with a therapist who specializes in treating trauma/cptsd. Taking care of yourself is your first priority.

[theatreblue97 in reply to designguy]

I hadn’t even considered that, but that’s very possible. Today I met a young girl on my caseload that reminded me why I do what I do. I easily spent 2 hours with her and her family.…this is the first time I’ve felt like I was doing something meaningful in such a long time. I see such a bright future for her.