Social Anxiety in College

[grimesq]

Hi everyone,

I have dealt with social anxiety since elementary school, and it got a little better before COVID hit. To explain, I get shaky, extreme stomach pain, headaches, dizziness, become mute(even if I want to speak), stutter, lose my thoughts, the whole package in large social situations. However, I became more confident to become a better version of myself my first year and pushed through the discomfort. After all, no one knew who I was and I could become anyone I wanted to be. Therefore, I forced myself to raise my hand, took leadership roles in small groups, and even tried making new friends independently. However, COVID hit, and aspects of my depression and general anxiety worsened. I became a mess, life became meaningless, and nothing I did made it better. Something about staying with the worst of my thoughts without distractions erased my progress. Currently, my social anxiety is back to what it was, if not worse. I can't even eat the day of a presentation, or else I get sick.

Now, I am a month into my second semester as a Junior and have run into a predicament. One of my professors constantly reminds the class that she values discussion and often forces the quiet students to speak in class- one of them being me. Today, she sent out an email stating that she is concerned about my participation grade. We only get four participation grades in total, so they count more than in other classes. Furthermore, my first participation grade in this class is a 70! It is not that I don't try to speak; I force myself to talk when there's an awkward silence in small groups, but what matters to the professor is that I speak in front of the whole class more often. I have thought about emailing her back about my dilemma. Still, I know that she values large class discussions, and I will not get a free pass(not that I am looking for a pass, but I want to be left alone because her constant reminders make me feel like a failure when I'm struggling).

I don't know what to do, and I feel so pathetic. Everyone else in this class can speak so intelligently and I know the moment I open my mouth, an unintelligible mess will come out.

Edit: I have tried going to therapy, but it didn't really help my symptoms.

[designguy]

Hello, I had social anxiety for years and didn't know what it was until a few years ago. Once I realized what I actually had and that it was not general anxiety disorder as I had been told, I was able to get the help and understanding I needed to recover. Your SA is maladaptive thinking and behavior that you adopted to protect yourself at some point in your early life. It's an error in thinking and perception that you have about yourself and how others perceive you. You may also be suffering from low-self-esteem and low-self-worth, which is common with SA.

My suggestion is to find a therapist who specifically treats SA and work with them. This may include group and exposure therapy as well as medication at least short term. If there isn't a therapist near you there are some programs online available. I used a program from the socialanxietyinstitute.org although I would have preferred an in-person program.

learning what SA actually is, why you developed it and the appropriate skills and knowledge to change your thinking and responses will help you recover from it. Mine developed from growing up in a very emotionally repressive home environment and being bullied in school and having no emotional support. Plus at the time there wasn't the knowledge about social anxiety like there is today.

[jackiesj in reply to designguy]

Thank you for thism very kind and informative.

[AuntBee]

Grimesq, your dilemma reminds me when I had to take a required speech class for college. The first speech had to be video taped by the teacher. We were then supposed to watch our own video to help with future class speeches. It was bad enough I had to do a 10 min presentation but to be video taped, no, I just couldn’t. I really couldn’t explain why. I decided to skip the speech and took the F. After that, the rest of the speeches were A’s so I ended up with a B in the class. I guess my point is try to do the the best you can in the areas that you are good in and dont worry too much about areas your not comfortable in. A “c” is still passing

[jackiesj in reply to AuntBee]

Like this....c is good...who can keep up others wanting perfection when none of us are.Im thinking that this is not the only student that feels this way.Covid has also made teacher more forceful and frustrated.

[jackiesj]

Your physical symptoms scare me for so young.I was under SA for it did trigger major illness and a quad bypass(1 weigh 115 and was on a great nutrition plan but the stress got me)...now ive learned...short walk every day or at least outside...i sing with you tube, i meditate, i use ar therapy for emotional abuse(very cool...) and i practice speaking infront of a mirror.I slur words due to MS....Covid made us worse in some ways but better in others.Finally i didnt have to tell people why i stayed home.See...MS like mental health...if you cant see it people usually try to push because they dont believe it.If you talk with your doctor to stop physical issues even one of them....a good eating schedule...person to person talk with teacher might help.school counselor may be better. Be YOU.