Hi, I just discovered this site and I really like this concept. My depression basically runs my life at this point and I have absolutely no one to talk to about it. Just tonight I got home from a really crazy day at work with crappy management and I am also in constant physical pain due to a disease in my spinal cord... and then my brother (who I rent a house with, and whom also has some mental issues of his own) randomly came outside where I was sitting to yell and cuss at me about something that in no way involves me (or even HIM!) and then as I was trying to talk calmly back to him so that HE would calm down, he screamed "I'm not even going to talk to you, you're a load of shit" and slammed the door and I heard him cussing me out while he was inside the house. This is supposed to be my home. I am supposed to feel comfortable here.
On top of that, my parents happen to live only a few houses down the street, and even though they themselves are toxic and the main reason my brother and I are screwed up.... I had nowhere else to go and I felt a massive mental breakdown coming on so I walked over to their house.
As I gave them a brief description of what happened, I already started breaking down so I started crying. I was still trying to hold my composure, and I was apologizing to them and telling them I am not trying to cry I am just dealing with SO MUCH.
My father got angry with me. He started using his nasty, angry voice and he wouldn't even look at me and he kept interrupting me and telling me "getting emotional isn't going to solve anything" and "just hold it in, crying doesn't fix anything" and when I then started crying more because of how cruel he was being, I apologized AGAIN and tried talking to him as calmly as I could and explain that I always hold things in and that's why I am breaking down but he wouldn't let me finish a sentence. He just interrupted me and said "I'm just not even going to talk to you" and then he huffed and laughed at me and walked away.
... 3 months ago they caught me and barely stopped me from killing myself. 2 days after it happened they already lost interest in checking on me or pretending to care. Now, they're fully back to forgetting I have depression at all.
I am so sorry if this is like, way too much to post. I don't know. It made it look like I had to write some sort of question but instead I just vented, but I just really needed to tell SOMEONE about what happened tonight. Not like this is new, because I deal with this kind of behavior from them always, my whole life, but I don't have anyone to vent to about it and I don't want to share my "emotional" moments on social media so, I figured this site is a good way to just... get it out of my system haha..
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Sammmrae
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Hi and welcome! Thank you for sharing! I hope it felt good to get it out. We are here to listen and offer support.
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No worries, it is all right to share with us your experience and feelings, you're welcome here. I hope you find it relaxing while sharing. Now let's talk about your depression, I can totally understand your pain and what are you going through but the major concerning point is this, it can only be best treated with counseling ( Cognitive behavioral therapy/counseling) along with cping techniques which are mandatory to live a better life. But first, you should decide are you going to a therapist or not then you will choose your pathway of recovery accordingly. Yes, emotional support is a key factor to deal with depression but don't worry if you found nobody for you out there, we all her e for you. we can guide you motivate you, but you are the only one who can defeat your depression. You have to think about yourself, don't care about people's reactions.I hope you can understand.
I would say you have to see a dr and counselor because of the self harm. Here are some things that help me. I start every morning with the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube before breakfast. Best done lying down on empty stomach. This makes me feel calm and powerful. Then after my shower I rinse 5 minutes in pure cold water. This releases chemicals in the brain. After this I am confident and happy and brave. And the feelings last for 8-12 hours. You can start in cool water and work down to fully cold over a month. Just play songs on your phone and rinse in cool then cold to a couple songs. Get 40 minutes of cardio exercise daily to produce endorphins that helps you feel better. Do things that make you happy. Lose yourself in a movie or book .know your loved . People are wrapped up in thier own lives and get busy.
Not sure a fully cold shower would work for me. A luke warm one would though. I may experiment with this.
I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Have you talked with a doctor or a counselor about how you are feeling? It sounds like you have a few stressors in your life that aren't helpful to you. I hope that we can help you anytime you need to vent. You are very important!
You have a really difficult situation. My depression exits despite me having no reason to be down. No debt, money troubles, physical pain, toxic relationships- a loving supportive family. Go figure! That there is no reason for it, results in extra guilt. I was dangerously close to violence, felt dead, only interested in sleeping or watching shows about the holocaust or serial killers. I binged on ice cream and chocolate candy all day. I ran out and didn't want to leave my motor home. So I went without for two days. That gave me a chance to change. I started a high protein no carb diet and the change is astounding. Got a dog from the shelter and that has led to me getting out more.Search for a positive relationship. Sometimes we have to select our "family." Even if it's online, that's a start. Check the fuel you're putting in your body. Let us know how you're doing.
Hello Sammmrae. Sounds like a lot is going on in your life. I’m so sorry. Please do vent and lean on those of us who are here and wish to listen and help.
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