Therapy doesn’t work

[RickyShakaZulu]

I quit cigarettes over 3 years ago. Every year goes by and I don’t get better. I’m more miserable then ever. I’ve tried all types of therapy. I just started drinking coffee again. That tastes like shit. I liked it when smoking, now it tastes terrible. Maybe we are put on this earth to be miserable. Coffee only works with cigarettes. Tastes like shit without a cigarette. Can’t wait to talk some shit to my therapist. Worthless people who don’t know anything, tell us to stop being our selves.

[Megapanda]

I am sorry you didn't have any luck with therapy . Sometimes it doesn't work for some people or maybe you was unlucky and didn't find one that is suitable for you. However if you go into therapy with a mindset that it not going to work then it wouldn't work no matter how amazing the therapist might be . You have to want to make changes and move forward . Yes it is hard and yes it can totally suck . but it will be worth it in the end . Have you tried anything else to help , medication ?. Self help . Maybe don't drink coffee have something else instead . Sometimes our mind associates one thing with another and it's never the same without it . Take care 🐼

[Hidden]

Hi Ricky,

Congrats on lasting 3 years!!! I'm so jealous of you!

Megapanda is spot on - Look elsewhere for further help, whether that's medication, therapy or whatever. YOU are on control and you've proved that by going 3 years without a cigarette.

Keep going!

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Hidden]

I’ve done and am doing everything. I go to doctors and therapists. I try pills and exercise. It’s not working. Over 3 years smoke free and I’m still a mess. How can we be making people quit and not have anything available to help them. Pills are worthless. I’ve tried a bunch. I feel nothing. Food tastes like shit. I don’t understand how we can push people to quit but have no plan for after the quit.

[Blueruth]

Did we chat before? If I recall we talked about making the effort. Iow, you seemed to be expecting to have the work done for you. Doesn’t matter which therapy you choose. You need to come at least half way. You did that with cig. Bravo! You seem to be dwelling on that loss instead of finding something you like instead. Cigarettes are such a nasty scam too. They load them up with nicotine just to hook you. No better than the sacklers. Why do you want to be a sucker?

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Blueruth]

We only need food , water , shelter. Everything else is a waist of money. I did what everyone wanted. I quit, I stopped. I’m free of that cigarette hold on me. I’m not any happier or healthier. I’m miserable, I’m angry. I was a fun person. Now I’m smoke free and terrible to be around. Doctors and therapist have no answers.

[Blueruth in reply to RickyShakaZulu]

You aren’t free though. Your lungs are freer but you haven’t let go…like a jilted lover. I asked on the other post too…What do you do to move? Without “movement” food will kill you. Sleep will depress you and water will drown you. No they aren’t the only thing we need.

[Jeff1943]

Why so angry with the world? Therapists are shit. Coffee is shit. Life is shit.

Truth is it's not the world, it's you. There are good therapists about who have transformed lives for the better. You haven't found one yet.

Coffee doesn't need cigarettes to taste good, people have been enjoying it since before cigarettes were invented and others who have given up smoking love coffee. So try a different type of coffee: it doesn't get any better than Columbian Libano Supreme or Columbian Medellion Excelsior. Even just Columbian will do.

You don't get any better? Many have escaped the misery of seemingly pointless lives by reading the wise words of others. Remember reading? It's hard work is reading but nowhere near as hard work as putting up with endless misery.

One such whose teachings have dramatically changed a million lives is Claire Weekes. Who's Claire Weekes? The woman who cracked the anxiety code.

Look her up.

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Jeff1943]

My issue. If you boil it down. I’m over 3 years smoke free, and it’s the worst decision of my life. I’ve never had such a terrible time in my life. Nothing to do with Covid. If quitting smoking is such a great thing!!! Why am I still miserable? Why am I still unhappy? I did all the right things!!! I stopped everything bad and still got nothing good in return. I’ve waistedover 3 of my prime years for what? So I can live an extra 10 years when I’m old and worthless!!! I know cigarettes are bad, my issue is not one person can give me the answer to living smoke free!!!!

[Marysblue]

Congrats on quitting smoking, please dont ever smoke again.I haven't had the greatest luck with therapy either.

You're strong and you will get thru this.

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Marysblue]

Mental Therapy is like chiropractic therapy . You need to drink the cool aid to get the most out of it. I’ve tried all the pills. They do nothing for me. Doctors only tell you to do things they know you can’t do. Quit smoking, loose weight, stop drinking. I did all that and nothing good has come from it.

[AdamFCastillo31]

Ohh, that's really sad therapy didn't work for you. Actually, therapy/counseling is one of the best methods to get rid of depression & Anxiety. It might be because you haven't found the best therapist which is unable to understand or handle your situation. You can try different cope-up strategies ( some lifestyle changes, exercises, deep breathing). Share your thoughts with friends and family. These might be helpful for you. I had tried these methods to deal with anxiety and they worked well for me.Best of luck.

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to AdamFCastillo31]

It’s always try more, do this again. Get a different opinion or medication. I don’t like fish. You can dress it up and change it. But it all is the same. I’m spending all my sick time every year on doctors and therapists. By mid year I’m out of hours and have to do online visits. I try a different pill every 3-4 months. I ask for help from everyone. I’m over 3 years in!!!! I’m not happy, I’m not healthy. What benefits have I’ve gotten from quitting?!!!

[RickyShakaZulu]

You are right. If I move away and start a new life. I would think about it. Knowing people love failure, love to see relapse. I stay clean from cigarettes. I’m straight edge, now what? What’s the next thing I need to do? People only say to quit because most of us fail to. They don’t have the answers.

[Jeff1943 in reply to RickyShakaZulu]

Your happiness does not depend on cigarettes, your misery is not caused by the lack of smoking. Such a suggestion is ludicrous as you would soon find if you resumed smoking. Your unhappiness is caused by factors other than tobacco namely anxiety disorder which is not being addressed and your depletion (depression) which is a consequence of facing untreated anxiety every day.

So I repeat, seek recovery in the teachings of the late Claire Weekes 'Hope and help for your nerves' who sums up her therapy in six words: Face. Accept. Float. Let time pass.

These six words, once explained and understood and practiced, have restored the quiet minds of so many who have passed this way.

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Jeff1943]

I understand your thinking if I spent the last 3+ years doing nothing. But. I’m all in. I can’t say “Fuck it” anymore and go outside for a smoke. Now I’m in on every argument, every issue. I’ve spent my time quit going to everyone. Lists of doctors and therapists. Tried dozens of pills and non medication based options. I’ve read into it, discussed it. My mission is finding a way to bring back the old Ricky without all that unhealthy bullshit I used to do. 3+ years brings me here. I will look into your recommendations. Thank you.

[Jeff1943 in reply to RickyShakaZulu]

Ricky, I am an old man, nearly 80, I must pass on the few things I have learnt.

In 1974 I discovered a book on a shelf titled 'Self help for your nerves' by Claire Weekes. I picked up the book. I opened the cover. I began to read. My recovery had begun.

Claire Weekes began experiencing anxiety disorder whilst studying to be a doctor. She developed a method that allowed her to recover. She spent the rest of her life advocating her method. In private consultations. Public meetings. On TV. In books.

Her first book was 'Self help for your nerves' also published in the U.S. as 'Hope and help for your nerves'. As you read it you feel she knew you. It's quite short and no techno-terms.

She claimed that anybody can recover by using her method no matter how long or how badly they have suffered. Nearly 50 years after first publication those books are in their 48th edition. She has cured more people since she died than in all the years she lived. The book is available new or used for a few dollars/pounds on Amazon and Ebay.

I will say no more. But if you only read one more book in your life, this is that book.

[Blueruth]

Pills are just a crutch for you. jamesclear.com/

[Hidden]

Hey Ricky,

It's an accepted fact there are no easy answers. The hardest part of all is to see past the "fog" and realise that there is hope but alas, everything everyone else is saying i true - This must start with you.

I was a military person when I had a serious breakdown some years ago. Being in the military made it worse as I felt I cannot be this weak. How can I command those underneath me when I couldn't even shower some days, or even have a shave! The list goes on....

For what it's worth, here's how I approached it

1 - Accept that I had a problem - Hardest part of all. Bit like alcoholics in a way.

2 - Tell all to my closest and most trusted friends, including 2 of my military commanders - That was hard!

3 - Started identifying signs that I was lower than usual, working out a coping strategy for those moments when I knew I could lose the fight

4 - Cry! I cried lots! It's oddly theraputic up to a point sitting down and just crying.

5 - Allowed myself to feel sorry for myself. No point denying that I did feel "Why me? What have I done?" but at the same time, "Why not me? Who am I not to be affected the same way as millions of others?" This was part of my acceptance of my situation and of life in general. Think of it this way, I sometimes wished I was taller, but I'm not and my height (Average for the UK) hasn't ever been an issue but i'd still like to be taller sometimes. Well, I can't be. I make the best of what I am and what I have.

6 - Read! Find other resources. I learned a lot. I learned how to seperate fact from fiction when reading about mental health issues. I was horrified to read some peoples stories who really were at thier very end. What was more horrifying was the amount of rubbish on the internet, things like "Miracle cure for depression" or "I'll change you're life forever" type claims.

Recovery is a journey, not an event. Like any journey, there are things you can't control, things that will delay your journey but if you're making the journey then every minute is a step towards the next part of the journey.

I could go on but ultimately, I feel you're self defeating. This is totally understandable so start fighting back. It's your life. No one elses. Many people out there can help (Professionals and laymen alike) but no one can help you as much as you help yourself but everyone can be with you at various stages along the way.

Stick with it! Find your way to fight back. Mental health seems to be something that unites the world more than anything these days so you really are not on your own.

Best of luck

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Hidden]

Think about what you just wrote. The collective feeling of that message. I’ve quit smoking, I don’t drink. I exercise. I’ve done all that’s asked of me. I now have zero bad habits. Now what? What do I need to do now? Most people work to change one thing. I’m checking off boxes. I should be the poster boy for change. Instead, people are writing the same way they would write if I wanted to quit smoking. Most responses recommend to keep trying everything I’ve been trying that hasn’t worked. This is my point. I understand it all starts with me, and I’m killing it. I’m changing. But I’ve seen zero improvement in life. I’m not happy, I’m miserable. I don’t recommend anyone to quit smoking. How can a person be quit for over 3 years and be upset with their actions? The whole quit smoking system is trash. They only want you quit. Don’t care why you have slowly been willing to kill your self and pay good money to do that!!!!

[Hidden]

Hi Ricky,

Sorry that my comments were not of any benefit to you, I merely thought that sharing my approach may have helped.

You clearly have a fight on your hands, I only hope you find the solution that works for you

Best Wishes

[RickyShakaZulu in reply to Hidden]

I love that you put in so much time to get back to me. I think my issue is hard to understand because for most people it’s quitting that they can’t do. For me, I hate life without cigarettes. I’m frustrated. Smoke free life is nothing special. That’s why I don’t promote it. I tell smokers that I love them, I feel for them. I don’t tell them to quit.