Controlling anger with depression

[RubyCat18]

Hello, I am new to Health Unlocked and any online chats really. For the last 5/6 months I have been really struggling mentally. I have dealt with Anxiety for years but recently got so bad I was unable to go to college or work without having major panic attacks and having to turn my car around and phone in sick. I have slowly been able to over come that with a mixture of talking therapy (which has ended now) and anxiety medication.

However, instead of feeling anxious all the time I now feel so depressed. I find it so difficult to control my emotions and get really irritated over the smallest things, which end up upsetting me because i got so annoyed. I also get overly emotional over anything and find the smallest tasks difficult and overwhelming.

Over the last 3 weeks my boyfriend has been staying with us for christmas. I love him so much and he is so kind to me. But he doesn’t understand mental health at all. So when i’m having a bad day we end up arguing over the tiniest things and instead of it getting sorted i end up crying my eyes out and then apologising because i realise whatever we were fighting over wasn’t even a big deal. I want to find a way to teach myself when i feel this anger / upset taking over, how to calm myself down and not allow the situation to escalate into a big argument. I hate feeling this guilt that I am the reason we argue, and am terrified of losing him because i am so difficult

if anyone has any tips in how to keep yourself from taking things too far i would really appreciate it any advice i can get!

[Agora1]

Hi RubyCat18...Welcome to a safe and caring forum.I know how difficult it can be when stressed. You can't

help but feel angry or annoyed at the least possible thing.

My best suggestion which I have used for myself is Meditation.

Walk away for 10 min or so finding a quiet place to relax and breathe.

Listen to some calming meditation on YouTube Anything from 3-5-10

minutes long while you breathe in deeply and exhale slowly.

Doing this 3 x a day will keep your emotions more even.

I also do this before bed and upon awakening. It's a positive loving thing

you can do for yourself. Breathe xx

[RubyCat18 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for your reply. I will give this a go! I have heard many positive things about meditation before so i’ll definitely start. thank you for your message x

[Blueruth]

Luckily these are skills not traits! Look up emotional regulation or emotional intelligence or shame resilience. They are all different ways to teach skills. CBT is a good way to learn. There is an app called Sanvello that focuses on this. Meditation is indeed a technique and practice that can help.You owe it to yourself to help your boyfriend understand depression. There are lots of videos and talks for explaining depression to a loved one.

[RubyCat18 in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you for your reply. I will look into these now!

[lovetodance2018]

Welcome to HU. This is a wonderful forum that has others who understands your struggles and cares. I also struggle with anxiety and depression. Part of mine is chemical and the other part is the amount of expectations I put on myself. The two together cause me to spiral. It happens more often around my time of the month when my hormones are off.

You mentioned you were doing talk therapy and it was helping. Why did you stop? A combination of therapy and medication is usually what helps stabilize me. I also feel doing a gratitude journal helps. Making notes of what went well for the day, not what did not go well.

As for your boyfriend maybe you can help educate him what you are struggling with. When I realized mental health issues like depression and anxiety are real diseases, it made going through the struggles a little easier. Here is an article I found helpful for my spouse and I to read. The ones at the bottom of the page with anxiety and depression disorders I found most helpful. bit.ly/3JCJdOI

I will be praying for you and reach out anytime. Also feel free to pm me if you need to chat with someone. Hugs and God Bless

[RubyCat18 in reply to lovetodance2018]

Thank you for your lovely words. I had to stop the talking therapy as it was too much money per session which with the amount i earn i simply can’t afford. Thank you for the article. My boyfriend and I will read this today. For christmas he did actually buy me a gratitude journal which i agree has been useful!

[lovetodance2018 in reply to RubyCat18]

You might want to look into online therapy. There are some that work with your financial situation. There is also some ministries that help at churches for life style changes.

I am glad you are starting the gratitude journal. I think you will find it helpful. The more we focus on gratitude the better. Hugs