I’m pathetic but l have no friends near me and sister over 100 miles away. I can’t think to do anything. I get up and don’t know what to do. The fear grips me inside and l just want to go back to my room. I need to sell my house and start organising things but l am overwhelmed not just by that by everything! I had to literally beg for some Lorazipine and reluctantly I got given 7 tablets. I took 0.5mg yesterday that calmed my stomach down but am terrified of using them up too quickly. I have no purpose in life and the future looks pretty grim. I have a smile for outside shopping but my insides are a tsunami of emotions. I read everything but everyone has at least one person. I am a senior so I’m invisible now. I have lost so much through this illness and l get upset about everything that’s unjust and cruel. I am glad that nearly everyone gets some help from this site. That’s good to read. I am paralysed by fear when l have to do something. Is there anybody else that feels like this. Head is like thinking through thick fog and floating . I can write it down but find it hard to speak about. I desperately want to scream and scream but l have tried and tried and cannot. I want to release something! Please forgive my ramblings. I am incredibly lonely so reading on here is something. I’m sorry but l wish everyone has if not a good day then a better day! Bless you all.x
Not doing anything : I’m pathetic but l... - Anxiety and Depre...
Not doing anything
Murielle,Severe depression and/or anxiety is the recipe for total loneliness. Of course those of us with these conditions know how it is. I have felt alone my whole life, but lonely like I never experienced until these past years with depression. I've screamed and cried over and over with no relief. I'm in a new therapy, but couldn't do the work until this new med I'm on started working. Its only been 2 weeks so I pray it continues upward. I don't know how exactly to be out "there" in the world again. However I am starting to get my interests back so slowly I will proceed. I hope purpose will find me rather than the other way around. Oh, and I'm 62. So maybe a change of meds would help. You are not alone when you're on this site.
Thank you!x
Hi Murielle, I’m sorry you feel everything is such a mess for you. I hope it gets better soon.
How come you’re selling your house? I know when I sold my house, I had the worst anxiety. I had a lot of memories. I was scared of losing those memories after my son died. I fear so many things, but they turn out fine.
I have been on meds most of my 54 years. After my son passed I needed to get off of the meds to grieve. It allowed me to clear the fog that the medication caused. I did have the help and monitoring of my sister and Dr. I also had to ween my self over a 2 month period. I took everything in me to realize I did not actually need the meds. I do, however, still have anxiety but I have the control now. Instead of the meds controlling me. When I get stuck in my own brain, i can usually work my self out of it with good thoughts of how I got off the med! That I’m the person that did not let meds take over my life. I’m not perfect, but I’m better then I was!xo best of luck
I am on Pregabalin but no antidepressants. I don’t know what is best. I can’t think straight. I have to sell as l can’t maintain a house anymore and I want to leave. I shall have to rent but don’t even know where to go or what to do. I am like a lost child and I am absolutely terrified. Life has been meaningless to me for a very long time. I don’t live l just exist. My nearest relative is over 100 miles away. Everyone else has their family and busy lives and l can’t even expect help. I only see more years of grief and anguish and l am helpless. Another day, l’m struggling how will l get through this one. Pathetic me.
You are not invisible, I see you. I’m sorry you are struggling with so much. And sometimes words seem so empty and not helpful. I can relate to feeling alone. I don’t have any close friends either. What I’ve found somewhat helpful is to “accomplish” one small task, like cleaning out your handbag (if you use one). It’s something you can comfortably do at home and you never know what you might find! I’m not trying to minimize your situation, but you might find a sense of accomplishments that can help you move forward with other small tasks. Depending on the day, these tasks can seem overwhelming, at least for me. I get “paralyzed “ some days by anxiety and depression, so if I finish these it helps me to step it up a notch. It is good you are finding an online outlet to connect with others. Be proud in the fact you made that move for yourself. I hope you can find some peace soon. I recently sustained a disabling injury and it has affected every aspect of my life. So, when you speak of loss due to illness, I can relate on some level. There’s certainly a grieving process that goes along with it. You might try journaling about it because it feels like you are talking to someone and you can scream and write everything you need to without having to “filter” it. And, it might be fun for you to shop for a new journal and fancy pen!
I'm Glad you can let it out by writing it down here . I would love to be of help to you but don't know how. All I can say is keep venting.
Thank you! It’s true, no one can help me really but getting it out is better than keeping it inside. Sometimes though l read it back and l want to slap myself. In fact l have on the rare occasion slapped my face hard to stop me doing something. It hurt too!x
I tend to do that if I forget something l need to do or find! You are very animated in your writing, a pleasure to read
Hi Murielle, Thank you for your generous post. 👍From one 60+ to another, I am so much better informed about strength of mental illnesses and life outcomes from reading posts here. I am on my road to personal recovery now.
My circuit breaker to the morning anxiety/depression apathy was something so simple it was almost laughable when my doctor recommended it. Doctor said to put your feet out of bed onto the floor and to leave them there for a count of 60 seconds. The purpose is grounding, to tell yourself that time in bed is over and it's time to do one thing today. This thing is good for you no matter what you decide e.g. having a shower or doing a task such as washing dishes. If this is all you can manage OK but do not go back to bed. After this task, stop again for 60 seconds to ponder the smallest thing I can do to make a difference now. As you get more confident with the theory, you can add more thought points into the day until bedtime comes around. Always remind yourself, "I am doing the best I can and this enough."
Your local council has info about lots of support for seniors and local community groups to join. Activities & outings for seniors are also available.
In all of this, keep in touch with your doctor, even as frequently as every 4 weeks. I have learned that mental health check ups are just as important as having your blood pressure checked. I am still waiting for a therapist appointment to discuss my own procrastination problem. Sending you giant hugs and best wishes from me 🐨
Thank you for your message. I live in uk and have been under a mental health team for seniors for a number of years however, things are stretched to breaking point these days so l don’t see my community nurse very often.She has been very good and would like me to go to hospital and also try ECT. I’m absolutely terrified of that. I weaned myself off antidepressants and only take Pregabalin now. For 43 years l have been on them loads of different ones and none worked for long so l have given them up. I’m not sure if l should have done the right thing. I’m a mess today my anxiety has been through the roof but calming down now. It’s 23.29 here and l usually feel a bit better from evening onwards. Best wishes to you and take care.x
I am so sorry to hear of your suffering. What you are feeling is unfortunately all too common for those of us who suffer from mental illness. Keep seeking out help through your GP or therapist. There are many tools that I think you can put in your 'tool box' to help with your symptoms: each day set out to do atleast one thing that challenges you; practice mindfullness based CBT; get a copy of the book 'The Happiness trap' and read a chapter each day; get some form of excersise in each day; have a good breakfast; join a social club or place of worship; volunteer and finnaly turn your concerns over to God. God is more than able and willing to meet us wherever we are to give us rest. May God bless you and I will say a prayer for you.
Hi Murille you are not pathetic it takes courage to share what you did, i halve suffered from depression since divorce 40 years ago, i am now 67.
What i try to think is there are always people with similar conditions as we are human (not weak or pathetic) so YOU ARE NOT ALONE ......its actually part of the illness
telling you "nobody cares" but that is not reality its the illness feeding on itself.
Thankfully we do not live in a Dickensian era of ignorance around mental health as opposed to physical health.
i started using alcohol in my mid twenties to alleviate the
emotional pain of divorce and it just led to addiction then
i found out there are millions of people RECOVERING from mental illness associated with addiction and also people who have never touched a drink or drug in their lives .......the human mind is part of the human body .....soit helps me to treat it that way .......but its a daily journey for me Murielle and sometimes its too much for me to dal with alone ......,thats when i need to know i am not alone with my sufferings
All the very best
Aengus2710
Thank you. It’s 5.02 in the morning. I’m dreading another day. I wish l could just die!
Congratulations for staying sober. That in itself is a massive achievement and thanks for reaching out to me. You are a good person and I hope you’re in a better place. I guess everyone on here is struggling.x
Your struggles are all too real. I have just lost a beloved member of my family. He was in rehab for alcoholism and had health issues. He actually died of a heart attack. He was 37 years old and such a lovely chap. I’m still reeling and l wasn’t well enough to go to his funeral over 100 miles away.His poor Mum. I know what she’s going through as l lost a child tragically at 24 many years ago. It’s unbearable knowing the pain his mum’s going through and how l wish l could do something to help her but nothing is going to ease her pain except time. Life is very cruel and I hate it. I want to go now so badly. I can’t face it alone anymore. I hope you have some support.x
Thinking of you.
How do we make it through days that are so bleak? Somehow all of us on here have. I cant figure out how, a survival mechanism takes over. It's silently present as an ally. Maybe we should name this presence, give it a religious or spiritual identity or just plain Jane. Know it doesn't want you to give up, no matter how much you do. And keep writing.
Hello! If you are looking for a penpal, let me know. I would be able to write you once or twice a month.
I would love to connect with you anytime. I will check in periodically. I am elderly and alone as well but it is peaceful that way if there is only negativity in those I meet. I love the people on here and as the winter is pending it can only get more lonely and cold here. It is darker than usual but I keep lamps blazing for comfort and pray not weather will shut down the power or water which can do when we have snow. Take good care and keep posting your wonders of life the happy things that have kept you going over the years. Reading and movies or silly television works for me. I love to learn and grow. Having a passion helps take the mind of exiting. We need seniors to pass on the human spirit and wisdom. That is your purpose perhaps. Here is my recent pix that brings me the dark mornings will have the sunlight coming through. Hope springs eternal and I am seeking hope everyday. I will speak to the moon as well as fall has such fun moon opportunities.
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