Not sure if i can post this here but; Confession. I broke my own heart. Advice please.

[Heyyouthere33]

Hey yall. I have not slept a wink last night. Night anxiety has been plaguing me as of late. But in the early hours of today, I was browsing my Instagram when I saw that a guy I has a huge crush on for a little while is going to be become a father.

Now, I figured I was over him . Its been well over a year since our brief involvement. ( backstory:we worked together, we had a small fling a few weeks before lock down and nothing came from it. Cut to me being let go and not seeing each except for the few days I was asked to come back to the job and the one time we hung out early lockdown). But when I saw the news of the pregnancy, I was actually taken back. My heart hurt.

I knew he had a gf. It hurt when I found that out too (from another co worker btw) and I was able to " move on from it". But I think maybe in the back on my mind I felt like "hey, they aren't married, we could still happen" but logical i knew it wouldn't but I guess my heart still held on to that fantasy.

I think part of me alway though the pandemic was what kept us from pursuing anything further, well, it was for me at least.

No closer. No talk. No formal reject. No anything. Just less and less text and less and less memes. ( yes, we sent each other memes).

Now, as I write this post to both vent and to let go I ask yall this; How do you get over someone who didn't actually hurt you. How to you get over a heart ache you yourself caused. It's a different kind of anxiety. ( more backstory: I think I associate some anxiety with heart ache because of a toxic on and off relationship I had 2 years before).

How do I move on from this if it's my heart who won't let go? I'm not going to lie, it feels very silly have held to that fantasy. I just not the kind of person to crush on someone. Most men I've dates like me more.. I feel like first season Leslie Knope from Parks and Recreation but with more anxiety because now I really can't relax . All I'm thinking about is that feeling of loss. Ugh I wish this heart ache away, I wish to not feel this dull pain. I know the truth, he was probably not that into me (I keep telling myself this) and he was a coward for not letting me know but wow it still hard to swallow.

Im not sure if i can post this here but I trust this group so any advice is appreciated. Thanks

(Sorry for typos)

[ChanadlerBong]

Hi. I'm not sure I have any good advice for you because if I did, I'd apply it myself. I can't seem to forget about this girl I used to date because dating her was the one period I can remember where I was actually happy. Then when she broke up with me in a really nasty manner, I can't decide whether I have positive or negative feelings toward her and it kills me. Know you're not alone in this predicament. I bet you're a really nice person and he would have been lucky to have you. He may not have been able to see that in full bloom because you weren't together long. Someone else will see it and value you for who you are. In the mean time, distraction helps. When you start to think about it, get into something that requires a lot of attention (for me, a difficult video game). Hope that helps.

[Heyyouthere33 in reply to ChanadlerBong]

Yeah, you are right. I deserve better. I deserve a love story with someone who see me. Distraction.. hummm time to invest into my time consuming hobbies. Thank you!

[san_ray70]

All I can say is think of the innocent girl, she is having his baby, I was many years ago in more or less the opposite of you. I was the wife who had a cheating husband for 18 years. I found out my daughter knew. When she was 12 he took her to the other persons house. She was told not to tell me. Six years later I walked out, I could stand no more. My children, then 14 and 18 would not come with me.

[Heyyouthere33 in reply to san_ray70]

Sorry to hear that. You also deserve better. I hope your doing good now

[san_ray70 in reply to Heyyouthere33]

I re married in my 50's to a lovely, kind, generous man, I love him so much. The only thing is we are both older and I want to get to our 25th anniversary. That means I will be 81 so far so good, 16 years this year.

[Agora1 in reply to san_ray70]

san_ray70 I like a true love story. May you both be blessed to celebrate 25 years together. xx

[Greygal]

Hey I’m in the same situation as you. One sided love fantasy. It really hurts to know that you can’t have the other party and the other party doesn’t want you as much as you want him. It took a troll on my confidence as well but I keep telling myself I deserve someone who love me wholeheartedly and WANTS to be with me. And during the pandemic, I feel so lonely and I think of him even more. Don’t avoid the heartache, go through it and you will feel better as time goes by. It is going to be hard but it is going to be ok in the end. Our life is ok before we know this person and now we are going to grief for this loss before our life become ok again. You can PM me if you need someone to talk to ! Bless your heart.

[Heyyouthere33 in reply to Greygal]

Wow, I needed to hear that. I'm going through this alone. I dont want to vent to my friends because honestly it's pathetic. But yes you're right, I have to just go thru it. Admit that this is how I feel and it sucks right now but I will be ok with out this fantasy.

[Roia]

He was in a relationship when you guys met. He cheated on his girlfriend and now they are having a baby. Let that sink in. Do you still want this guy as your boyfriend?

[Heyyouthere33 in reply to Roia]

Oh no, we were both single. Maybe I wrote it kinda weird there but he liked me and I liked him but nothing came from it. And he moved on and I tired but couldn't I guess. So it's of those " ughh i what if" things.