My Duality

[Lefty_Epee]

I'm immature: I have meltdowns and tantrums when I'm confused or tired

I'm mature: I can think analytically and remove emotions from a discussion

I'm a coward: I can't say no and am scared of being around people

I'm brave: I defended friends from an attacker and subdued them until help arrived

I'm weak: I'm scared of centipedes and needles

I'm strong: I sutured myself back together after my ex cut me to the bone

I'm naïve: I don't see red flags until it's too late

I'm intuitive: I can read other people's emotions and intentions

I'm dumb: I can't do math

I'm smart: I wrote a research paper in Spanish about the socio-economic and political relations between Palestine and Israel

I'm selfish: I beg for chances that I don't deserve

I'm selfless: I give everything that I have to make others happy

I'm sick: My mind is poisoned and it's consuming me

I'm healthy: I can do anything I want physically

The only thing I'm sure of, is that I am a mess. I am broken. I am flawed. I lack the necessary vision and control to right my wrongs and fix my future. I need others to fix me because I cannot. Is it selfish? Is it not? Does that mean they love me? Or do they hate what I am that they're trying to change it? Is God alive? Does he continue to answer my prayers? Is God dead? Have I killed him with my sin? I am lost in a sea of questions and possibilities. I'm Odysseus. But I fear I'll never return home.

[b1b1b1]

Well, you are a terrific writer. Welcome to this site where you will find kind and caring people. You have a lot of good points and some emotional difficulties. I think most people are a bit scared of bugs, so don't worry about that. Keep posting, especially with examples of problems and I think you will get a lot of help.

[Midori]

We are All dualities in this way, I can equate with all of what you have written, yet I am not incapacitated by it.

Overthinking, and we all do it at times, can lead to us being afraid of even our own thoughts. We all have this; there is the self critical part of our brain that constantly says 'I can't' when faced with any problem, yet, in an emergency the capable, practical part takes over and does what is necessary. Yet as soon as the adrenaline stops, we are back into the self critical state.

Sometimes we need to tell the self critical part to take a hike, and do the thing we fear, regardless. We know we can do it, and we have done it before, and the more we tell the little critic to bug off and do the thing anyway, the less we will fear it. The capable part will become stronger the more you challenge the little critic, and your confidence will build.

It won't happen all at once, and you may have setbacks, but keep on and you will find things will improve.

I'm coming from the other end of life, (I'm 73), and I have had many setbacks in my life, You can look up my old posts and read them if you like.

Life is nothing to be scared of and as you carry on these things will become easier.

Life can be good, and not at all scary, although scary things can happen.

Cheers, Midori

[Daveacr1959]

45-60 minutes of daily cardio exercise to produce endorphins that battle your anxiety and depression. Then a 5 minute pure cold shower to reset the vagus nerve. First 2 weeks rough after that you are addicted!