For a while now I have been faking almost all of my emotions... even with people like my best friend and my family I feel cold and indifferent, particularly when we're having conversations about things that have nothing to do with me or seem pointless to talk about. At this point I don't really care about others feelings/how I make them feel if it won't come back on me in any way. I know this sounds really bad and insanely selfish (because it is...) but I just can't bring myself to care about anything outside of myself and my own life. Honestly, I can barely care about my own problems. I haven't always been like this-in fact, prior to 2020 I would have considered myself a major empath. I'm going cold and it's affecting my ability to maintain interpersonal relationships and I'm nervous that I can't get my old personality back.
Anyone else experiencing or have experienced this? Tips?
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florapeace
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When depression hits I get like this, usually when mentally ok like you I feel stuff deeply too. Sometimes I think my mind numbs itself about other people and their problems as a way of coping. Having had 2 bereavements & illness in hospital where I caught Covid on top of kidney disease the depression came on it sort of shut me down for few weeks Pleased to say it's lifting now
I am depressed but that is nothing new. Outside of that I have had a few major events (family dying from C-19, long term partner cheated on me, losing friends because they no longer want to deal with my depression) in the past couple years that I know probably contributed to this feeling. I just don't really know what to do about it that I'm not already doing... it's becoming a major detriment in my life and it's exhausting having to pretend to care about people/things/situations all of the time.
Hi florapeace- actually i have been going thru this same thing the last few months. I told me therapist a few days ago, when i had my panic attacks, its like they stripped me of every feeling and emotion inside me and all thats left is a shell of me. Its been frightening and deeply concerning because people and events and things I used to care about and have empathy for and "feel" things for--- gone. Like, flat, cold, nothing.
I can say though, the Lord has been helping me with this. I have a relationship with Jesus, so I have been praying and doing alot of reading and writing and listening to my christian music... all of that together has been helping rebuild my insides even a little. For me, this is what has been helping.
I do not have panic attacks very often at all but my anxiety gets really bad sometimes. I don't believe in God but that's nice that you have found something that helps you!
I mean I'm telling you in this post that I don't care so I'm not sure how it sounds like I do. The issue is that people are noticing that I am emotionally detached and can't be bothered to listen to them/react to what they say and it is affecting my relationships. It is more about having no one left around me than it is mourning the loss of my empathic tendencies.
You are clear that you don't care. I'm wondering if you want to care again. What I'm getting from your comments is that you want to maintain relationships, but are not feeling a connection with anyone. Assuming I am correct it seems like depression has temporarily numbed your emotions and your brain doesn't have the ability to care at the moment. I think if you want to maintain your relationships it might be good to be honest about it with those who are important to you. Are you in therapy?
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