can hardly bear it right now

[brokentoo]

hello and thanks for any support anyone can offer…

going through a very challenging period of anxiety/depression; first experienced this in my 20’s and managed to ‘bounce back’ and had things to look forward to to move me ahead, but this time feels different; wvwn as I tey to get help Inask myself “what do I have to look forward to?”. I am 52 now and when my kids leave the ‘nest’ all I can think about is the fact that I am only getting older.

The thought of death terrifies me (I think a big aspect of these bouts of depression and anxiety for me is that of existential angst ~ hard to explain), but it wasn’t so ‘in my face’ 30’ years ago when I first went through this…

Anyways, I wish you all as little suffering as possible in this sometimes seemingly impossible battle, it does suck!!

[Roukaya]

Good morning I hope you are well.

I am of a very similar age to you but I had to face personal responsibilities which was at times overwhelming and soul destroying.

When presented with a milestone age as it will be my Birthday this month , it is a time to reflect and introspect on the past and view the next chapter as an open book and live the best life you choose to live .I have continual problems of depression and anxiety which in hindsight were embedded in a volatile childhood and subliminally I have decided to attempt to try a path which is difficult to follow but a very full fulfilling path .

Is there anything in life that gives you joy and fulfilment that can ignite your passion to overcome the dreaded beasts of depression and anxiety ?

[brokentoo in reply to Roukaya]

Thank you Roukaya for taking the time to respond, so kind of you.I cannot think of anything right now which gives me hope or ignites my passion. I am so in the depths of this illness currently that I am finding it hard to even ‘want’ to look for any hope…

I am in the process of speaking with the therapist and trying to figure out medication, etc, but I can feel my outlook is more bleak than it was when I first went through this decades ago. Of course, age has to do with it; having spent so many years dedicated to raising my kids on my own; now seeing my parents old and myself so much older…

I am scared of getting even older and as much as it is a natural part of life, it feels a hundred times more overwhelming right now.

I just want to be in a state of mind where I simply don’t think about it continuously and just let myself live, but right now, it’s trying to get through hour to hour without breaking down, or being filled with angst, or having such discouraging thoughts.

I am glad you have manged to find a path that is helpful for you and I wish you every success along it. Thanks again for taking the time to write back

[Roukaya in reply to brokentoo]

I hope you can find a way that frees you from the mental anguish you are facing

[Smgp1209]

Wishing you the very best. I am struggling with anxiety and depression right now and it is such a hard road. I hope you find healing.

[brokentoo in reply to Smgp1209]

I feel for you, and I know the suffering…I wish you too, healing and peace of mind.

One day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time…