I have lost my ability to make decisions and I just started healing but now being forced to make a career decision

[FantasyLife]

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for more than 8 years now and my way of coping with it was binge watching just escape from life and I tried so many things to stop this but lost so many things in process like things I love to do singing, art, crafts and when I force myself to do them my parents just scold me thinking I'm just goofing around and in this pandemic because being in home I've became a stress buster to my parents and sibling they just come and say all these negative things to me just to clear their own frustration because of that I started getting panic attack and feeling suffocation coz I started feeling unsafe in this home and then I took therapy for 5 sessions and stopped it due to lack of pocket money then I started analysing my own thoughts being my own healer now I can proudly say I controlled my addiction not fully but balanced and I kind of deal with anxious and depression my own by writing therapy but now my parents are just pushing me to take a job for me it's like I just started living life I'm just born and u r pushing me to run 😭 then I graduated in computer science which I hate with life and I kind of want to have my own business in personal branding and now if I want to get out of this house I have to get a job but I still want to re live my lost moments 🥺 and hobbies I lost and making decisions is really hard for me whenever I'm making a decision I'm one step closer to my addiction (binge watching) I don't know where to start or what to decide. I'm always hiding from my family still but I'm fine with that I'll come out when I'm strong enough to throw their words to them. If I come to their manipulation and try for a job in coding then I'm ruining my own life , so I kind of thought of UX designer but only coz of my brother and I actually thought of interior design diploma but my family said no. So I don't know what to do I have a fear of commitment too.. everyday I'm fighting against these old habits I got from depression and anxiety but to decide and start a new phase in life feels like a big challenge when everything I want to do is rejected by my family.

[Madandmoooody]

A job and your own money/apartment might be just what you need to feel power and control over your life and your feelings. Don’t worry about your degree, just Be sure to find a place that will contribute to positive thoughts. Your Perception of your life is a huge part of the challenge of dealing with depression and anxiety. Unfortunately you can’t get the lost time back, but you can start over fresh now with new strength and insights. Best of luck to you!

[FantasyLife in reply to Madandmoooody]

I know I cannot get back what I lost but all those things I wanted to do , just to leave them and go for new start a job I feel totally bad and anxious 😰

[FantasyLife]

I said that to my dad but he said "Right so you can just blame me for all things that happened to u and it's just useless nothing will change"

I want to try new things and learn but daily my brother will come and ask me did you keep your resume and did you get interview all things

And I feel like if I get a job I'm gona change into a robot Just eat job sleep

..