Maybe drifting back to normal driving?

[Serinus]

As I said in a previous post, I had a sort of setback and felt I wasn't improving in my driving phobia. But the last couple of days, I've felt like I've been driving more normally, not perfect, and not having mastered any specific responses or approaches, just as though the fearfulness is ebbing a bit. I'm also aware of increasing anger, not at myself, but at the situation. [Alas, I fear this might be the opposite of acceptance.] I was hurling some curses as I drove today: "I hate this *&%$ situation.] That's not normally me, a very low key and easy-going person.

So I don't know if this will last. But maybe, instead of a "lightbulb moment," I'll experience an ebbing fearfulness.

[Serinus]

Improvement in driving continued today. In fact, I felt almost back to normal. Although I have yet to drive much on freeways, my main challenge, the driving I have been doing has been much less stressful. And today, I noticed I wasn't hunched over the wheel with a death grip on the wheel. I wasn't constantly touching the brakes to make sure they worked. I could think about something completely unrelated to driving. I changed lanes. I forgot that I was on a scary stretch of road, so I forgot to be scared.

But how did this happen? Sure I've tried some deep breathing, but not as methodically as is necessary. I tried some visualization, but not conistently. I HAVE continued to push myself to drive every day.

And, importantly, this is only the second time I've felt this real improvement. It could be illusory, or I could have a setback. But I will try again tomorrow and see if improvement continues.

[Serinus]

Continuing to drive. Yesterday and today I pushed a little further (very little) on freeways without too much trouble. In fact, today, I drove to the exit I had set as a goal, turned around there, drove back a few miles none too smoothly, some panicky feelings, and stopped at a park for a hike. Then, instead of returning home, I repeated my drive back to the exit, turned around, and drove much more smoothly this time for home.

I have been extending myself, but only a little. Trying to find a balance between going farther, but not so far I bring on a panic attack.

[Serinus]

Drove the same route as yesterday, a few flashes of fear, but mostly nothing. Couple more times on that route, and I'll be ready to extend it further. But, question is, how can I possibly drive every route 6 times or more? What I need to be able to do is to translate my comfort level from one similar road condition to another. I really thought I'd be back to "where I was before the panic attack" (which was already not all that good) by now. I'm not, but I will get there, but will I get beyond?

[Serinus]

Drove that same route again today, and doubled back to do the difficult part twice. No problems. Now I need to extend it to the next exit, another 4 miles, which has proved tough for me in the past.

[Serinus]

I see my miles per gallon indicator is slowly creeping back up - it was really good before my driving panic hit, then I was hitting the brakes and taking routes with multiple lights, and it fell WAY down. Now it's SLOWLY going up again. I'm taking this as an indirect measure of progress.

But, it's SO slow. This morning I drove a few miles on a freeway to a place to get my car serviced. Felt good and felt like I could have driven further. Then on the drive home, while I didn't feel exactly shaky or panicky, I felt less good and was relieved to reach my exit and had NO inclination to drive further. I want to just be over it! I'm environmentally conscious and I know I'm wasting gas (and gas money) driving around.

I seem to do best not thinking about it and just forcing myself to drive, but that's a slow process.

[Serinus]

I extended the route I've been driving by 4 miles today. I had attempted this in late June, and it dealt me a setback. I had to start over, not all the way, but had to work to extend my driving slowly again. Finally got back to this point, the farthest point I've attempted on a freeway, again today. I wasn't smooth, but didn't have a panic attack either, and I don't feel like dropping back as I did before, either.

And a few days ago I drove an hour and 15 minutes, but all on highways with stoplights. Longest I've driven, but, again, that wasn't freeway driving.

And, well, my MPG indicator crept up another tenth of a mile! I guess I indeed should take that as an analogy for my driving.

[Serinus]

Yesterday I duplicated the route described in the previous post, maybe a smidgeon better this time. But today! Today I drove a different freeway about 10 miles to a nature preserve that I haven't visited since spring. This was a BIG milestone for me, as the destination got me to another road, not a freeway, that opens up a whole section of the state to me. I wasn't smooth, and was tapping brakes and feeling some fear, but I got it done, and feel I will try it again tomorrow.

Reaching this road was one of my 3 legs to "getting back to where I was before the panic attack," so, as I said, a big milestone for me. My ultimate goal is to get better than I was before, but I won't look that far ahead.