Iâve been quite irritated since earlier today when a guy âwolf whistledâ at me and said some sexually derogatory things. It made be feel so uneasy for the rest of the day, feeling self conscious about what I was wearing (I was wearing jeans, hoodie and trainers). I understand I canât control what other do or say, I can only control myself on how I react but I have had high anxiety since then. How do I calm down? I think I might take a bath.
Iâm not sure why men do this to women, itâs not like any woman will ever go âwoooh youâve won me over by harassingâ! Iâve had men do this too often especially when I was younger (all of my teens, 20s and still now in my 30s)
I donât know if some men that do this think itâs ok or that they just donât think. Iâve been sexually assaulted and raped in the past so when men do this it just makes you feel degraded and humiliated.
I'm sorry you had to go through that! That's disgusting. I don't think men who do that actually want to win anyone over; I think they just want to feel powerful and enjoy making women uncomfortable. I don't know what will be best to help you calm down, as everyone is different, but I can say that there is one thing to remember: you did nothing to deserve that kind of degrading treatment. It had nothing to do with anything you did, what you were wearing, etc. What happened is a reflection of a perverted person who clearly has little respect for women and a reflection on a society that portrays and treats women like objects and does not reflect on you in any way. I hope you feel better soon, and I'm sorry you went through this experience.
Wolf whistling by a stranger is always irritating. Donât worry about what you were wearing as long as itâs normal clothesâŚwhich is what jeans and a hoodie are.
Obviously, his mother failed at raising a gentleman.
You are more than your appearance. Your mind and soul are the most attractive thing about you. Obviously, that rude male knows nothing of your inner beauty and only thinks in shallow terms.
Itâs a shame. He will probably never know true love. Only short-lived shallow encounters.
Heâs nowhere near good enough to take up space in your brain.
Well the myth is that women love attention and to be wolf whistled at is considered a compliment. The reality is that few women enjoy that and feel more like you do as it is men treating you as a sexual object and not a person.
I don't know why men do it either but it's sexual harassment and should be treated as such. We have a right to be out and about doing our business without being made to feel like this.
It takes a certain sort to do this, I'm sure most men today with half a brain understand it's generally not well received... I've never done it and I can't remember any of my friends ever doing it, yet all men will catch flak for the idiots out there.
I think this whistling comes from a place of ignorance
Just ignore them; When I was a teen you couldn't walk down any street without a chorus of wolf whistles, etc. we took it in our stride, especially around building sites.
Now it seems to be a deliberate attempt to harrass and intimidate, but it is best to ignore; If they don't get a response, they tend to give up. If it was a workman you could report them, but the cops are still mainly male, and unlikely to understand how it can demoralise you.
I can't help but feeling that all the negativity around wolf whistling doesn't help the situation.
Trust me, I'm a gentleman, I wouldn't dream of doing it... But I have in the past! Not because I was disgusting, or wanted to feel powerful, and definitely not because I wanted to make anyone feel bad... As hard as it must seem these days, it was just a done thing once. Many women liked it. I know one 20 something woman now who would cross the road to be nearer a building site and would openly be gutted if she wasn't whistled at! And let's not be sexist, many women did it themselves! I've been wolf whistled. I've had my bum grabbed by women in nightclubs. I've had a woman grab me and snog me in a nightclub as I walked past... It was a different time and people behaved differently.
Most of us understand that times have changed, and understand that not everyone is the same. If there's a chance that one person can be adversely affected by it, then even if there are some who like it, it shouldn't happen.
Some, however, may not be quite so educated.
You didnt specifically say what he said. Now, if what he said was actually so disgusting that you wouldn't say it to anyone, then he deserves all the hate he will ever receive and you need to know that you're worth a million of him, so hold your head up high and feel sorry for his sad pathetic life. And, as someone else said, if it's a possibility then report him!
But, if he was simply throwing a compliment, I really don't think adding more negativity to your train of thought will help. Consider the fact that he may be lacking self esteem himself. He may have been trying to be brave in front of work mates. He may have genuinely liked the look of you! I'm not at all saying that doing it is the right thing. But as with the other scenario, You should still hold your head up and know that you're better than that and worth so much more!
It wasnât really the wolf whistling, more the word that he said shocked me. I would not have minded and even been flattered if he said I looked lovely or beautiful but instead it was not something that Iâd say to someone especially on a busy street with children around. He said â Iâd destroy your f_ing a________â
Iâve had stuff like that said online but not someone shouting it at me. He was on his own, well he looked on his own.
Iâve had men in clubs grab my bum and bust in nightclubs in the past. I know it happens a lot to men too which is not right.
I do think I slightly overreacting the the whole situation but I did feel uncomfortable.
After reading that I would say you didn't overreact at all. If I heard a friend of mine say that to a woman I'd probably put him on the floor in front of her. It makes me angry to think that anyone can find that acceptable.
Unfortunately though, even though for most of us times have changed for the better, in some cases it has changed for the worse. Some people these days really are just scum bags. The positive though is that you can definitely walk away from this one with your head high knowing that you are by far worth a million of him.
Well she said sexually derogative which means it wasn't nice. I disagree that we women consider a man's motives in doing this. It's irrelevant if it makes us feel like sexual objects and the fact it was generally acceptable in the past certainly didn't mean it was enjoyed by most women. It just meant it was part of male culture which we had no choice in. Even now if women talk about this they are labelled 'feminists' or PC which are given as derogatory labels.
I agree times have changed - and for the better I think. Like any woman attractive or otherwise I received my share of harassment in the workplace and outside. From being groped by a man who called me a man hater, to several men hugging me very tightly and not letting me go and sexist remarks. We just had to accept it then as society didn't take it seriously.
I never reported any workplace sexual harassment as most women didn't as bosses (mainly men) we didn't think would take it seriously. I remember back in the 80's our manager was raging round the office one day (nothing to do with me) saying there was no such thing as sexual harassment at work. I exchanged glances with several of my female colleagues. None of us said a word........
I agree, if women complain about this then we are definitely labelled âtoo sensitiveâ thatâs what I was labelled by my own mother when I told her.
I do also believe times are changing for the better, forever women have always been treated as sexual objects, ogled at. So many men stare at my chest, I understand itâs large and I usually cover up because I donât like attention but it doesnât stop them.
Oh yes the too sensitive comments. I would get those too. I am sorry you get stared at so much and it must make you very uncomfortable. When I was much younger I was quite skinny and would get the 'flat as a pancake' remark. That's nasty as well.
As a male I can honestly say I have absolutely no idea why some guys do this. Itâs like they are trying to show confidence but just come across as an ass. Plus society as a whole has very sexualised views on women which honestly hasnât improved much over the last decade. I wish I could say thereâs ways to stop it but unfortunately not, these people will continue to act the way they do.
I know itâs irritating and upsetting, but just remember to never change yourself because of it. Continue to be strong and prove why society as a whole needs to improve. If it gets any worse make sure to let authorities know, harassment is a crime and these people need to realise the harm it does.
I am sorry you experienced this. The people that do this don't often think how their actions will impact others. It's sad and childish behavior because you are right no one has ever been won over by that. I don't understand why some people do this but it is not a good thing. I am sorry you have been anxious about this for a while now. I think it might help to ask yourself why you feel unsafe now. Was it the action and did that remind you of something, did the event trigger any anxiety about being out and about. Try and link it back to an emotion or feeling and then address that when you narrow it down. If you cannot do this then I would say take some time out of the day find a place that you find safe and just do some self care. Remind yourself that you are in a safe place and that you are allowed to feel whatever it is yo need to feel. Then work on treating yourself and just get away from all the stressors around you. If nothing else journaling might help. Write about the event and just let your thoughts go, it's a private activity so you don't have to share it with anyone and after you are finished you can destroy the paper. But sometime it helps just to get the thoughts out of our head.
Hi. It shouldnât matter what you were wearing. That remark was clearly just a shallow and pathetic attempt to distract your attention for a brief second. I commend you for moving onwards, but I know it must be very hard to just shrug it off. Unfortunately their are those kinds of people out their who are that ignorant and crass
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