Shitty parents

[thezenvirgo]

My father is bipolar. He refuses to medicate and is an alcoholic and uses drugs. I have seen him on drugs and it was and has been the most traumatic experience for me. My mother is a narcissistic insecure lady. Both my parents take full on advantage of my kindness. I believe all my mental health struggles come from them. My dad insults me and disrespects me so bad every time he drinks or has episodes (bc of the drugs) I try to be there for him as much as I can. My excuse is that he’s not okay. I don’t want to give up on him. My parents divorced when I was 7 and my mom then remarried. My mom fears me and my sisters will steal her husband... she hates the way we dress leading her to accuse us as being hoes, prostitutes, vulgar etc.. my stepdad is 10yrs younger than her and although I respect him and care for him since he has been around for 10+ yrs I feel as if my mom has put it in his head that we dress to tease him and he feels the need to stare at me and my sisters bodies excessively. I communicated with my mother about how uncomfortable she has made it for us and she got so defensive. Always tries to manipulate me as she has done her whole life. I’m tired of it. She always tries to bring me down bc I am the only one in the family who has her shit together and actually stands up to my mother. I once heard her on the phone with my stepdad saying she chooses him over our dog and her kids. I confronted her about it and she said he will always come first. She tries to manipulate me into telling me I am two faced, fake, evil, not a good person and brings in my mother in law and bf. Tells me he’s too much of a man for me. She tells me it sucks he will end up with a lazy stuck up girl like me and I just find it so embarrassing and disrespectful as she has been the shittiest parent to me and my siblings. I am the older sister who has taken on that mother role for my siblings. They respect me more than they respect her. I know my worth and she HATES it. She also blames me for my sisters mental health. She tells me it gives me pleasure that she’s mentally ill so that I can feel better about myself. I just think how low of a mother you have to be to have a mentality like hers. I went off on her a few days ago and let so much out. The only thing I regret is not telling her more than I wanted. Not all things are better left unsaid anymore. I told her I don’t feel anything when she cries and I really don’t see a way to mend our broken relationship and all my siblings feel the same way about her. (I apologize for venting it has been a hard slowwwwww week)

[hypercat54]

I presume you live at home? I think you need to leave asap if you can. You need to get out of that toxic environment to start your healing.

[thezenvirgo in reply to hypercat54]

I do. Been saving up but I am going back to school in the fall and due to my sisters mental health I quit my job to take care of her... I have money in my savings but California is expensive I don’t know what to do

[hypercat54 in reply to thezenvirgo]

I think you have to protect yourself, and your sister if you can. The fact your mother's husband stares excessively at both of you leads me to think your home isn't a safe place for either of you. You need to think about yourself and what is best for you instead of worrying overmuch about your father or your stepfather. They are adults and will do what's best for them and no one else. You can't allow anyone, family or not, to take you down with them.

You can't fix life for everyone but you do need to do it for yourself. It isn't selfish but self preservation. That's what I think anyway based on what you have said. You have enough to do with your own life and future to think about.

[thezenvirgo in reply to hypercat54]

I agree... if it were up to me I would help every person struggling out in the street. I know things will work out in my favor bc I know I’m a good person. I am on the waiting list for an affordable apartment so I have been making moves for the past few months. These have been ongoing issues. Thank you for all your advice

[hypercat54 in reply to thezenvirgo]

Well hopefully you will be out of there soon, so just hunker down and keep yourself safe while you wait. Maybe go for a flat (apartment) share as this is probably more affordable.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

hyper cat- not sure who u are-

standing

ovation

30 min.....sooooooo imopressed sound advice

u

should be the counselors

bravo bravo bravo

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[crowningglory19]

Wow, sounds to me like you need to walk away! You have your life and don't owe them anymore than you have given. They are adults and will do what they will do. How sad to you and your siblings to have grown up in that environment! It does amaze me that you are well, takes a strong individual to keep sane thru that. Don't let them take advantage of you, I'm glad you spoke the truth, it needed to be said. You can't fix them, enabling doesn't help. There is no reason to remain around the insults and hatefulness. Are your siblings still underage and living with them? If so, see how you can be there for them without being around your parents. If you feel more needs to be said, write in in an email, sit on it, and rewrite it to be clear and sure you want to say those things, then send it. God bless you, dear. I can't imagine. You did well, and now you are free to live your life.

[Hidden]

your parents are the same as mine- my father was drunk and disowened me at 19 and my mother total domineeering narcsist

u sound young

get a support group and stay away from their toxic ness

its your life not theirs

find some kind of support and activities in your area with place ur safe from them and start makng plans for u life......i agree a thousand percent with hyper cat............listen to her.......listen to her listen to her