It's my first day back in the office today, I'm only in because I'm supposed to be meeting a couple of guys for lunch, so it's not a necessity as of yet.
But I'm so self-conscious that everyone around me seems to be functioning so normally and yet I'm having a horrible day of increased anxiety. All these people in the office seem so content and I cannot stop thinking about my ex and our relationship - it's really eating away at me today. I think it's a harsh reality check, like we've been living in a bubble for so long and now real life is finally catching back up and I need to face up to this new existence without her. I am so terrified of being alone forever am not strong enough for this s*** right now.
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Saki-Amamiya
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Hi. You're not alone at having anxiety about returning to normal life. We've been in a state of fear for a year and now everything is supposed to be normal again? Nothing will ever be "normal " ever again with what we have been through.
People mat look like they're functioning just fine but they may share the same feelings that you do about returning to the office. I still feel naked without my mask in the office. No one is wearing one in my office anymore.
At least you're going back and I think that's very brave of you...because some people will never return to an office again. Many people will be working from home for the rest of their careers and what will that do to our society?
It may feel like you'll be alone right now but you won't. You will meet and fall in love with someone new because you have the capacity to know what it's like to love someone. Just give yourself some time. Enjoy your lunch with your friends.
Hey Saki, hang in there brother. From this and your other recent posts, it really seems like you're simply grieving your ex. That's a process. And when it's over a long relationship, the grieving can often take longer from an ended relationship than after the death of someone. Did she work in the same office? Or is it because all the coworkers bringing her up, asking about her or even reminding you of her? Perhaps a little of both?
Prayers bro. I'm not sure when the relationship ended, but reuniting with coworkers was always going to suck. Now that day 1 is over, the worst is most likely behind you. Each day will be easier than this. At least that's my prayer for you. Godspeed.
Thank you Sir. Yeah this loss has impacted my life in ways I never anticipated. I was in such a good place mentally before all of this and I thought I was stronger than I am. This came so suddenly out of the blue and completely flipped my small world, where I was happy. She didn't work in the same office, I think it was because my anxiety was already heightened yesterday it was all just getting to me. Was a rough, terrible day, but I had my counselling in the evening and that seemed to help for a little while.
Hang in there friend. You don't have to be so hard on yourself. Cliched as it is, it's still true--it's not what knocks us down that defines us, is whether or not we pick ourselves up. You're in the process of precisely that, so there's nothing to be disappointed in yourself about.
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