Trying to return to "normal"

[BluePeppermint]

After an extended leave from work to deal with my recent onset of panic attacks and diagnosis of moderate to severe depression, I am scheduled to return to the office tomorrow. I keep telling everyone around me I'm ready to do this. I AM ready to do this. BUT, I'm honestly scared shitless. I know I'm going to wake up tomorrow in a state of panic (I was half way there this morning). I have my meds that I know will calm me down, but I'm worried about everything. What do I tell people that ask why I was out for so long? How do I jump back into a job I was already worried I wasn't capable of doing? How do I handle myself if I do have a panic attack while at the office? What if I can't do this?

[Stellabella7]

I'm going through the exact same thing... I've been off for the last 2 weeks. My panic attacks were becoming a daily thing and even when I was not scheduled I was having severe anxiety and panic. My panic and anxiety were very apparent at work and effecting my ability to perform. I had spoken with my boss a few months ago about the situation and also about one persons behavior that was triggering those initial attacks - more than once I talked to her about this. I'm not the only one who was being effected by her behavior either. Others have talked to the boss as well. Regardless, I took responsibility for myself and went to my dr about 4 times, my psychiatrist about 6 times and my therapist more than I can count. My meds have been adjusted and was then changed to something else last week. The new ones hopefully will help. Now, I have to go back tomorrow..... and I don't know what that'll be like! I've actually asked now to transfer and even step down from my current role - it's just that bad.

I wish I had a great idea to share for tomorrow but like you, I too have my meds for panic and I will def use them if it comes to that.

We'll have to check in with each other... we will get thru it...!

[BluePeppermint in reply to Stellabella7]

It helps knowing I am not alone! Sadly, in my cases it's mostly the bosses' treatment of me that got me to this point. I have spoken to HR about my concerns, and it seems like my work has done some restructuring of our duties, so hopefully, that will help. I will definitely let you know how it goes, and please let me know how you fair.

[Sprinkle1]

Hello, to both of you. Been down that road. Try not to work yourself up, rest, meditate, eat healthy. And By ALL means take the med's to calm you down. Ignore the trouble maker as much as you can, avoid them if you can. If people ask why you were gone, say I had some health problems, offer no more details, if they push you say "It is private". Keep going on down your road, live day by day, if you can "Live in the Moment", I do it makes my life easier and fun. Remember this will pass, Jesus said "And this to shall pass". It does. Praise yourself for a job well done, praise yourself for getting thru your day, take long deep breaths, natures way of calming ourselves, go for a walk somewhere nice if possible.Know we are here to offer you support and love, write to us, we have a lot of helpful people in this forum. I send you peace, strength, courage, love n big hugs.

[Help_Me_Please in reply to Sprinkle1]

I like what you suggested as far as when people ask why you were away. I honestly have been thinking that I might respond with something like I cracked like an egg ... I think that what you have suggested is a much better approach.

[BluePeppermint in reply to Help_Me_Please]

That's funny. Nervous break down was going to be my response.

[BluePeppermint in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you so very much.

[Whiskers16]

I feel for you I e now been off 4 months and fearing I will never get back as can’t get this anxiety under control from the minute I wake up.Good luck

[BluePeppermint in reply to Whiskers16]

Thank you so much!

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Whiskers16]

Hello, sorry you have such bad anxiety I had periods with that, last year my Dr. put me on Lorazapam it is a benzo, but I needed it So bad, it settled my anxiety so quickly, I took it 3/4 times a day. Later we changed my antidepressant to Cymbalta 20 mg, not enough upped it to 50 mg. My depression/anxiety died away I have not taken Loraz, for a year now. I was also directed to a wonderful therapist who has helped me So much, I am still with her. Xanax is a benzo, I have taken that in the past, it is quick acting. Talk to your Dr. you need help, love and understanding, plus good support. Write to us we will do our best to help you.Sending peace, love and big hugs......

[Help_Me_Please]

Wow this is similar to what I am going through. Although, I have been off for nearly two months and go back next week. I think the triggering event for me was covid related. We were sent to work remotely from home and that isolation was devastating to me (although we had online meetings etc). One of my greatest fears is what if I can’t do this, because of how important it is to have this job. My therapist tells me to think hopeful (vs pessimistic thoughts), focus on doing the best I can and thinking about the process not the outcome. The process might be a baseball player focusing on swinging at the ball not necessarily thinking of the out come (what if it is a fly ball right into someone’s glove) - again do the best you can. Still I’m scared beyond belief. Good luck to you tomorrow, please let me know how things work out.

[BluePeppermint in reply to Help_Me_Please]

Thank you so much for sharing. I know it's going to be hard the first day, but I will let you know how it goes.

[Hidden]

Honestly, your mental health is not their business if you don’t want it to be. They don’t need a long explanation. It is ok with say you’ve been out for so long for personal reasons or family matters. You jump back by focusing on one thing at a times... one step at a time. If you have panic attacks at work, try going for a walk on your lunch breaks or go in your car for a break and write to us, or maybe even call someone who can help to calm you down. @bluepeppermint what makes you feel that you cannot handle this position after keep the job for this long? And last question, do your co workers support you and hear you out if you’re in need of something?

[BluePeppermint in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your input. I think I can handle my job, but when I was hired they did not provide me the training I needed to do my job properly. Over the last few months my "mistakes" were being pointed out, but they were things I didn't even now I was supposed to be doing. My co-workers are all great and very, very helpful when I need them.

[LoveBear]

Hi wishing you all the best. My standard answer when people asked why I was out “I have some health issues” it shuts them down and if someone does pursue “I would prefer to focus on the future rather than go backwards. Cut yourself some slack - would try to do some meditation a few times a day. I’m not sure if you manage your calendar or not? I was able to put blocks on my calendar a few times a day - just to take a breath and get some work done. You can do this! Keep us posted

[BluePeppermint in reply to LoveBear]

Thank you so much! I think most of my co-workers already know I was dealing with panic attacks, so I'm not sure anyone will actually ask about my absence. I do manage my calendar and I think meditation is a great idea! Again, thank you so much.