Trying to breath **Message from the ADAA Admin team. This post contains information that could be upsetting.**

[Broken_one]

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I feel like I cant breath with everything going on the lost of my second baby was unable to work for a whole week. to me this isnt my body every night I lay my head down and pray that I wont wake up. Im so tired of all the pain. I have been just having sex so much lately to be able to not feel a thing . I thought about being a dancer. I thought about getting high again. I thought about getting drunk again. To me I no longer matter to me I shouldnt even be here to me I been drowning for so long that if I make it up to breath Ill die just by the breath. I want to just end my life but I feel so bad thinking about ending me myself since I now have my family back in my life. I drive to work pry someone will hit me. I walk the streets of bad towns that are known for shottings and pry someone will shot me so they say in the wrong place at the wrong time. Im no longer scared to die but I know ill never be lucky enough someone enjoys torturing me and watching me suffer and slowly fade away

[Earlgirl]

I like to breathe in like smelling a flower breathing out like you're blowing out a birthday candle and repeat

[Broken_one in reply to Earlgirl]

thanks Im trying to breathe but its so hard

[Fearoffear]

Unfortunately we have this saying, "You have to hit rock bottom before you can look up". Sweetheart this is your time to look up!! I know this is hard (impossible) feeling. Please tell me they offered you counciling services. Anything for you to help recover? You are strong, you are still here and you have to find a way to go forward. Self destruction is definitely how most of us would handle this situation you are in, so you are human. I think it's time you let someone care for you. You said your family is back in your life? Lean on them let them know, "I need help to overcome this tragedy." Asking for help is not weak it's strong, it's making yourself a priority. After everything you went through and are still going through you need a rest. I'm not a religious person so don't think I'm preaching but in impossible times I always remember the "Footprints" 👣 story and I say ok I'm ready for one set because I need to rest. Self destruction never works, there's no good outcomes. Please seek help, in-patient would probably offer the best rest and intense therapy. I hope you can see how important you are to people and response you're worth it!! Here to talk. Gentle hugs 😔

[b1b1b1 in reply to Fearoffear]

I agree with Fearoffear. This is a time for you to ask for help. Inpatient would likely be best, as it would help with a number of problems at one time, including any medical issues since it is in a hospital. x

[Broken_one in reply to Fearoffear]

its hard to reach out for help when everyone turns there back on you im scared if i lean on my family they will leave me again

[Jeff1943]

I'm so sorry you lost your second baby, losing one is bad enough.

It's perhaps one of the greatest traumas a woman can go through. So no wonder your mind is full of painful thoughts and your emotions in turmoil. What you are going through now is to be expected after such loss.

Please remember you have almost three-quarters of a life left. Gradually your present pain will lessen, little by little, time enough for feelings to return more to normal. New interests will come your way and sunshine will enter your life once again.

So please endure your present distress for the sake of a better future to come, hard though that may be to believe right now.

[Pugglesworth]

My condolences on your loss.

Fearoffear is correct: you should not be going it alone through such a loss. If you're having suicide ideations please call the suicide helpline in your area. There is information on this site on how to do that.

Things change. They always do.

[fauxartist]

I am so sorry for your loss...and grief comes at us like a freight train...no one should suffer the loss of a child let alone two. There are no words I could say that would comfort you, or take any of your pain away, as much as I wish I could. All I can say is...your internalizing this loss and thinking you need to punish yourself. Some things are just out of our control, and I don't know the circumstances around your loss...but please...if you can....get some grief and loss counseling...please find some group or therapist who you can work through some of this immediate pain...and you know...no amount of drugs, booze, or sex is gonna make it better, it makes it worse...they are only quick endorphin fixes for a long term process. No one wants to go through it...and it's just not fair...I have another friend who recently had a loss too, and the first thing you want to do is blame yourself...but it's not your fault...

[Broken_one in reply to fauxartist]

I blame myself for the lost of my daughter and thats been 7 years and im trying not to blame myself for my second

[Broken_one]

thats good advice