Random Vent

I keep forgetting to come to this site. I don’t know what to write here but feel like I have so much to say. I don’t want my post to be so long but I’m not sure how to categorize my thoughts. Or where to start. I have so much anxiety and depression all the time. I just stopped seeing a therapist I was seeing for a year that I didn’t think was helping. I’m on medication that’s supposed to be helping with bipolar disorder I guess.

I’m not sure why I avoid going to my doctor to try and figure out what to do next. I mean, I feel like I’ve just gone down the same road so many times. Tell him I have anxiety/depression. He puts me on waiting list for a therapist or psychiatrist for meds. Not much changed happen. Or nothing works. I guess I’m just happy that I haven’t had another manic episode.

However I feel like I’m constantly fixated on my mental illness/ depression/ and why I am so fucked up. Like I’m always sad. And I’m always comparing my problems to people I care about. And curious as to why others might be fucked uo too. Mental health has always interested me and when I see someone who has similar symptoms to me I kind of obsess over their lives or compare them to me. Idk I have a lot of random things I could say. And I’m still just always trying to figure out my illness. But sometimes I think I’m focusing too much on it and it causes me to lose touch with reality and honestly with just being happy.

I’m not sure what I expect from this post but I guess I’m just rambling /venting. Thanks to anyone who listens

[Hidden]

I can relate with most of what you’ve said, pretty strongly most recently. Seeing ourselves or defining ourselves by our symptoms can feel terrible. My negative self-talk feels overwhelming most days. I’m not sure of giving advice, I’m new to getting help myself, I will say keep trying, be well.

[Mumma_h]

Hey DepressedLibra, I’m listening , I think overanalysing it just often comes with territory of having depression. We want to feel good again, we want to be free from anxiety so we think about it and think about it ,trying to figure out what we can do to beat it , I’d say it’s a normal reaction. I’ve had ver serious depression before , I’m ok at the moment, had to come back, because I got a taste of it again due to to very traumatic family event. I know EXACTLY what it’s like , and for me the most debilitating, painful thing I’ve been through. Just know that no matter how bad or long it’s been you can definitely feel good again,trust me on this one ! I found doing something I really enjoyed , not what I should , not what anyone else said to do , started a small spark in me that over time it perpetuated itself, didn’t happen over night but it gave me hope , which got those good endorphins going which made me want to enjoy myself more .... and so on and so on . A walk round the block ??? A cuppa tea ??? That just didn’t cut it for me !! Like putting a bandaid on an amputation. Also all I wanted was for someone to just listen and listen and listen and to just get ALL out , til I couldn’t talk anymore, even if it took hours that would’ve been awesome!!! I would’ve paid someone to do that !! Do you have someone you can blurt everything out to ?? Just a suggestion, I can only say what would’ve helped me . Also finding the right meds while you’re trying these other things can be extremely helpful, it helps change our brain to how it’s supposed to run . For me it felt like part of my brain had died , and so the meds help a lot . ❤️

[Roxylox]

Think l focus too much on it too. Must try other things. I spend more time than is healthy on this site.