Anyone Else Struggling with Immense Depression and Anxiety When Trying to Conceive?

[MountainLover22]

It's been quite some time since I've been active on this website, since for a while there, I was doing really, really well. I felt so proud of myself, like this time I was really over the hump. But at the end of last year, my husband and I started trying for our first child, and it's been a lot of intense emotions since then. Firstly, I am off all medication (anti-anxiety, anti-depressants) since my doctors recommended it was best to really try and conceive without those meds, to prevent me from being considered "high-risk". That, along with being off birth control and now having all those natural hormones, have caused an absolute bomb of emotions and a loss of control. Which, honestly, I did expect this. I really did. What I didn't expect was my body was not going to cooperate, was not going to get pregnant within 5 months of being off birth control. The constant tracking you have to do, the unknown of what you are seeing on these ovulation and pregancy apps with your basal body temp and OPK strips, the confusion at your own body and what it's doing, the confirmation you are not ovulating from your doctor after months of being off birth control...it has weighed on me so much and has caused me to plunge off the emotional cliff, per say. And I have no one to talk to about this. A majority of my girlfriends had no issues getting pregnant, and the ones that did are only just now pregnant, so I dont want to bring up bad memories for them. My husband is trying to be there, but he doesn't understand the stress, the confusion, the frustration. I dont know what to do, since all I do is cry EVERY single day about this. How do you stop obsessing over it? How do you just accept that it's going to be tougher? How can you NOT feel anxiety and sadness when every month, it is again confirmed you are not pregnant? Please tell me someone else has at least felt this way at some point...because I've never felt more alone in my life than with this. I resent everyone now who is pregnant or have children (which is so wrong and I know that, as they are perfectly allowed to be happy and have children) and all I want to do is just hide in my room and talk to no one.

[PurpleSynesthesia]

Hi lovely,

So sorry to hear what you're going through.I'm not in your situation but just wanted to say a few things if that's OK? 🤗

First off, depending on what birth control you were on & for how long, it can take anywhere from 9 - 12 months for your body to regain control of your hormones & regulate your natural cycle, so that might be where you're at & you just need more time - perhaps set yourself a 12-months-to-conceive goal before you start to panic, to remind yourself that this can actually be a normal occurance. Give yourself permission to breathe & relax. 🧖🏽‍♀️

Secondly, this is only the start of your ttc journey, and I know a month can feels like a year but if you can, try to remember to also enjoy your marriage, enjoy each other & do lots of fun stuff together that doesn't revolve around baby plans. Make sure to talk lots with your hubby and keep each other close. 💃🏾🕺🏼🎶🏕️🛶🎮

Thirdly, get all your physical options checked out before you exhaust yourself mentally.

If you're sure that your birth control hasn't caused this (ie you've confirmed by speaking to a specialist) then it might be worth looking into medical tests - hubby's sperm count, polycystic ovaries, endometriosis (all of these or just one of these can be a signs: painful periods/ heavy periods/ irregular cycles/ pain during intercourse/ severe ovulation pains/ unexplained abdominal, lower back, thigh cramps/ fatigue/ nausea... Check out endometriosis-uk for more accurate & detailed info). 🐦🐝

Also assess your and your hubby's eating & general habits - there are lots of factors that can affect conception. Alcohol & smoking, for example, can detrimentally affect sperm count & quality; body weight - too high or too low.

Be realistic with yourselves & also be kind to yourself & remember that you're on a journey & there's always a way to go before you reach the destination. 🛫🗺️🏞️

I don't know if there's a 'trying to conceive' forum on HU but might be worth a look, for moral support & maybe even some practical advice.

I hope there's at least been a shred of help here. Although I'm not in your boat, I know you're definitely not alone in your struggle.

All the best, keep us updated,

Take care 🌻