How do you let emotions out without making your kids worry?

[JAFOman]

One of the most difficult parts for me is when everything hits and I need to cry but my daughter is beside me. I don't want her to worry about me. But keeping it in isn't helping me. Need some ideas

[Hb2003]

Get it out it is bad to hold your emotions in it can lead to emotional dysregulation

[JAFOman in reply to Hb2003]

I want to but what's going to come out will take time and I don't want to put any of this on my kids. Just wondering what others do in this situation.

[Hb2003 in reply to JAFOman]

I understand maybe do it in another room excuse yourself?

[JAFOman in reply to Hb2003]

Have thought about that, last time it was about 30 minutes. Might be another issue lol

[Hb2003 in reply to JAFOman]

I cry in the bathroom works everytime 🤣🤣 it’s a weird spot though

[LittleDucky]

If anything you’re setting an example that family is safe to express emotions with, and that expressing emotions is healthy. It could be a major bonding moment for you both

[JAFOman in reply to LittleDucky]

I have cried before, just right now is a very difficult time. They don't know how bad it is for me and I'm afraid for them to find out

[LittleDucky in reply to JAFOman]

I genuinely believe that it will have a positive impact on them! Children feel so good when they can be a source of support. Little girls need their fathers to show them that they are allowed to have emotions with future romantic relationships and in general. You don’t have to say “ hey kids, I’m totally losing my shit here and I am not stable at all!” You can just express that being a grownup gets stressful sometimes. Processing your emotions with your kids will enhance the bond and it will really add to their development

If you’re not ready or comfortable with that right now, totally valid! Come to a support zoom meeting and process with us

[ElephantsHear]

Im so sorry you’re in that situation. A parent’s difficult time can sometimes add to a kid’s state of fear and insecurity. It’s important to shelter your child as much as you can against adult situations because their coping mechanism is different/ not developed as an adult. I agree with the comment To make an excuse when needing to cry and go in another room/ turn up the TV so crying isn’t obvious. Can you get help for yourself to cope with whatever is going on/ do you have trusted friends/ counselor? Also, could family or close trusted friends take your child for a few hours while you get yourself together if you need a few hours. I can imagine it must be hard dealing with your situation and protecting her, but your concern tells me your doing your best. you sound like a good mom who really loves her kid. Hang in there- even when we try to hide emotions to protect our kid they still can slip through we’re human. wishing you easier times soon! God Bless!

[JAFOman in reply to ElephantsHear]

The situation is I have no friends. I spent 3 years just working and sitting at home talking to no one but my kids. Finally made 2 new friends only to have them leave because of me. I can't be alone again, I am not going to make it. After a chat with suicide prevention they suggested this site to ease the feeling of loneliness while I find a therapist. And I am their father, honest mistake

[VDC1]

I would say express it because if you don’t talk or say anything, your kids will likely know you’re upset anyway, but you’re teaching them to do the same. Just my 2 cents

[JAFOman in reply to VDC1]

I do talk to them so they know I'm not feeling well. This time it really is difficult to care about coming out of it. I'm tired of this back and forth for no gain, nothing gets better even when I'm not depressed

[ElephantsHear in reply to VDC1]

First of all, you are courageous for calling suicide prevention; you’re a fighter. You must make it. When I’ve felt like ending my life I say to myself how would I feel if my child died- I wouldn’t want to breath. No child is better off when a parent takes his or her life because no matter their age it f$&ks them up (speaking from personal experience). So talk to us. Most of us are here if you want to do personal message(PM), post whenever you need to. A lot of peo. will offer to PM or if they are supportive you can ask to pm them. It’s tough as a caring parent when depressed/ dealing with heavy stuff, we don’t want to unintentionally turn a child into a confidante or make them feel fearful bec. dad is hurting inside. That’s why you need help to get through this- for them and for you. Please get the help you need- find a counselor. You will make new friends once you start feeling better (hell you’ve made a lot of virtual friends just by posting here). I’m really cheering for you JAFO and said a prayer for you!

[ongaku666]

Hi,

Just something I'm reading reminded me of this, "suppression" (just under what I underlined).

Though everybody here is right to say that you should teach your child she can feel safe to express her emotions; it is also important imo that you have space and time to do this with the right support, because it is good to let those raw feelings out... ALL of them.

You seem to understand this very well, which is why I felt you should know that suppression of you feelings in certain circumstances is right and that you can find support for this. In fact it is your duty of care to yourself to find the right support for this (I am a big advocate of therapy like psychotherapy/counselling/talking therapy, etc..).

PS: don't be too tempted by this book btw, it has good advice but more oriented towards people who have suffered at the hands of abusive parents.

extract from book Tao of fully feeling

[JAFOman in reply to ongaku666]

Thank you. Looking for a therapist, but think I need more than just emotional support. Was on medication long ago that didn't work, think I need the help for a while

[ongaku666 in reply to JAFOman]

That's understandable and finding the right medication will help a lot so don't give up if one type isn't good, just keep trying them.

For negative thinking patters, deconstructing them with a therapist is the best thing. e

Especially if there's things of your past that you need to deal with (and if you can afford it, private counselling is typically the best as you choose who you want to work with and they often will follow your progress more closely - at least here in UK that's often the case..-).

Good luck!