Need help for hoarding

[LiveForTomorrow]

I have been hoarding things for as long as I can remember. It used to be funny that if anyone ever needed anything, just confe to my house. Then it got so bad, I couldn't allow anyone in. There was no place to prepare food or eat, no place to sit except on the bed. I've always made excuses about why I needed to buy something or why I couldn't throw it away. Clothes, paper, trash, anything and everything has taken over. Now, there is so much water damage in all parts of the house that didn't get taken care of right away.. but things keep piling up and you can't get tp the damage to have it fixed. I'm so done. I think it would be best just to light the place on fire with me in it. I've lost everything in my life.. my children have moved out and my husband and I have no relationship at all. We sleep in separate bedrooms, use separate bathrooms, except the shower, and don't really see each other even though there is a pandemic going on and I'm working from home. I really need suggestions of who I can call to get help with cleaning out the house. I can't live like this anymore. But, I'm so scared that I can't pay for help or that I'll be alone. Please help me..PLEASE!!

[Crochet1957]

You are lonely and you feel like those possessions will ease the lonliness when our children grow up we miss them and it’s especially hard during the pandemic you are married so talk to your husband share your feelings with him I’m not married anymore and it’s lonely maybe you and your husband can work on the house together

[Agora1]

If you go to Psychology Today and type in your zip code, it will

come up with names of therapists and psychologists who deal

with hoarding issues.

This is something that needs specialized therapy because of a past

issue that attaches to this disorder. I wish you well xx

[JP8810]

First off, please don't burn your house down. I know you were kidding. My heart goes out to you and your situation. My Nephew suffers from hoarding disorder. I believe that hoarding is a subset of OCD and is very treatable. Often times medications such as Luvox or another SSRI is prescribed. One key component to the treatment is through cognitive behavioral therapy. In particular exposure and response prevention is very helpful. As far as your situation for cleaning, I would try a place like the United Way. They may have a list of affordable cleaning services in your area. Good luck and I will say a prayer for you. God bless!

[hypercat54 in reply to JP8810]

Cleaning services won't tackle hoarding. It would take a specialised company.

[PurpleSynesthesia]

Good morning (from the UK),

Well done for making this brave first step in public acknowledgement of hoarding. I'm going to waffle on a bit (sorry in advance) but pick out whatever is helpful.

Firstly, it's not part of your identity, it's an unwanted house guest, an invader, that refuses to leave unless you tackle it head on. It's a terrifying battle to think about beginning but one that you can win nevertheless.

I do feel that there are most likely past & present factors contributing to this "invader" - There's probably way too much for us lowly people on here to unpack & we're friends not professionals (although I guess some on here might be 🤔 though?) but moral support wise, we got you!

I don't know what your desires or intentions are with hubby but I'm assuming he lives in his own bubble & doesn't do anything around the house or he would have been helping you to keep the invader out all these years.

So I'll not include him in the picture.

I also don't know if you're in a position to reach out to your kids and ask for practical help or not

(praying for you guys though).

If there is anyone at all that you can let your guard down a little with and ask for practical help then that would help immensely - coupled with a lot of the above suggestions about practical removal of your accumulated stuff. (sorry I can't add any more suggestions there because I'm in UK & don't know what's available to you).

Like you said, the water damage is super important to fix but the invader is preventing you from claiming back your home to repair everything. This unfortunately adds another dimension but I think you're strong enough to do it - you gave birth to & raised kids, you've come out & admitted that you need help - there's strength right there.

If you focus on the "whole house" then it will feel like too much. And that's because it is. You cannot physically tackle the whole thing, in one go, by yourself.

But you can tackle the whole thing, over time, in sections. Even better if a good friend steps in, then a problem shared is a problem halved.

Which part of your home do you want to claim back first? How would you like the walls & floor to look in that part of your home? Maybe you want to imagine a new paint colour or wallpaper for once the invader has been kicked out. (very long-term goal - I just finished painting our home after planning to for over 8 years. Various illnesses & also subsidence from trees caused mess & damage to build up in our house).

The kitchen might be a good start - imagine being able to walk straight to the refrigerator to grab the milk, then go straight across the room to make a coffee, before walking a few steps to take a seat & then drinking your coffee at your nice, clean table, with a good book or magazine. It's all possible, one area at a time.

Break your kitchen into practically manageable sections - individual counter-tops, sink & draining area, 4 corners of the floor, windowsill, tabletops, chair tops, access to the doorways. Then divide up your inside areas - grocery storage cupboards, dinnerware/ crockery cupboards, various different drawers, refrigerator.

Don't set yourself a time limit on each section or you'll burn out & start getting trapped in the "I can't defeat this whole house in one go" mentality.

Maybe aim to clear the water damaged areas first? I'm sure you're able to figure out the priority areas.

Get up early one morning - a bright, sunny day usually helps - put on a motivating playlist (whatever floats your boat - Jazz? Dance? RnB...), crack open the window & pick just one area in the room you chose to start with. Clear it, give it a very quick & basic clean & then make it a 'restricted zone.' In other words, that area is no longer allowed to have anything placed in it unless it's supposed to be there.

Move on to the next area if you're still motivated that day but remember to take a couple of breaks & stop when you lose inspiration.

Keep your mental image of the final kitchen (or whichever room) in your head the whole time.

Look back at the one or two sections you managed to clear & see what you've achieved - how much your hard work has improved that part of your home.

As for deciding what to keep & what to throw out, it might be helpful to ask yourself "have I used this item within the last 12 months?" If the answer is no then it should probably go. Obviously, if it's something essential that hasn't been used purely because it was inaccessible, then you'd keep it. Use your judgement, you're smart enough. You've got this 👍🏼!

Golden rules -

1) don't over-analyse anything because that's one of the invader's favourite tricks; to steal not only your space but also your time; to distract you from the goal you're aiming for & to draw your attention back to the "whole house" mentality.

2) keep looking back at what you've done & be happy about the progress. Small steps are still forward steps.

3) set and stick to your 'restricted' zones. These should stay permanent once everything is in order. There's an old saying, "a place for everything and everything in its place." makes it easier to identify what is really not needed or necessary.

4) stay strictly focused on one area at a time - don't start noticing little bits here and there that you can pick up because you won't be able to see your progress. Clearing areas is key for motivation.

5) take a day off - all work and no play is not helpful - you'll slow down & lose your steam. Take a day to rest, get some fresh air, take a walk (don't go shopping).

6) no purchasing anything new for your home.

7) don't fear asking for help and more help. It's a brave thing to do and might actually encourage someone else.

8) keep checking back on here, sharing your progress journey. We're all super excited to walk with you through this.

You'll get there. You'll get through this & kick that invader & its baggage out.

My prayers are with you 😊

[Pel3749]

Hello. Hope you are ok. The advice from Purple is right on. Talking to a therapist that specializes in hoarding is a great step. Also maybe contact your nearest church and they may be able to suggest how to sort out your house. Maybe confide in your children for some help. God bless and keep us posted.

[PurpleSynesthesia]

Hiya,

Just checking in to see how you're doing 💐

[PurpleSynesthesia]

Morning from 🇬🇧

How are you doing today today? Just wanted to check in & say I hope you have a great day. (wow... I'm rhyming all the way 😉).

It's really cold in England right now (last year it was so much warmer)! But the birds are singing & at least the sun is shining.

Always here if you want to message 🌻

[jackiesj]

Did you find assistance? you asking for help is amazing....how did it turn out for you..ty