I haven't written i a while. Unfortunately things are no better and I really don't see them ever improving. I go to bed every night praying that I don't wake up and I want to scream when the morning eventually comes and I have to somehow make it through another day. Sometimes I cannot get myself up until noon because the anxiety is so bad. I just don't see any purpose to my life or meaning for my existence. I see myself and something that just takes up space and wastes oxygen. I see my life as an experiment which went horribly wrong and that someone should just pull the plug. Here is something which I posted some time ago which really encapsulates how I feel. I thought that I would throw it our there again to see if any new people can relate.
“Why is light given to those in misery and life to the bitter of soul?
To those who long for death which does not come?
Who search for it more than hidden treasure?
Who are filled with gladness and rejoice when they reach the grave?
For sighing comes to me instead of food.
My groans pour out like water.
What I feared has come upon me.
I have no peace. No quietness.
I have no rest, but only turmoil.”
Written by
Southbound
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Southbound, I'm sorry your life has been so unhappy for such a long time. But it can change for the better no matter how much you have suffered, as many here have found.
You do not say what caused and continues to cause your melancholia. Is it a problem that if fixed would release you from a life without hope? Or has anxiety and depletion just become a habit that perpetuates itself constantly?
Southbound, I have to ask: have you talked to your doctor about this? If you ever think of self harming go straight to your doctor or A&E/ER and tell them how you feel. Promise all your friends here that you would do that.
No, you are not a waste of space. You are here for a purpose but I will not go into that. Somewhere your life took a wrong turn but you are stronger than you think and you have the ability to reorient your life. But you will not do it from beneath the quilt on your bed.
I too had the tendency to morning anxiety. You wake up dreading the day ahead. Sometimes I had a good day but those were rare. Two things brought me to recovery and I will briefly tell you what they were.
First were the teachings of Claire Weekes: the woman who cracked the anxiety code. Second was taking a 200mg Magnesium Citrate tablet twice a day. Not that I am suggesting or 'prescribing' things for you to do: I merely relate to you my own experiences of our common complaint.
Within 3 days of commencing the Magnesium Citrate I started waking with a feeling of calm and more than a hint of optimism.
Hello. I’ve been there twice. Have hope. Deep down find a small piece of you to build upon. Dream of something you’ll do when this is over. Check out video:
Hi. I am sorry that your struggling so much. Making small changes can make a difference. Habits thoughts and emotions can be changed. (A physician can help rule out medical conditions underlying or exacerbating m.h.) Are you on medication ? The poem was interesting yet I'm a little unclear on a few things. Please bear with me here goes ... There is so much turmoil inside and is it that death is really desired or that the turmoil would be less and to wake up with gladness instead of dread. To pray to be released from a life that seems meaningless rather that within there is a struggle to find happiness and meaning. Depression can cloud or distort thinking and it can lead to a downward spiral. Please talk to your healthcare provider about treatment options that are available.
I want the turmoil to go away to be replaced by peace of mind and the ability to enjoy my life. I'm 53 and I really feel that I am quickly running out of time to straighten out both my life and myself to find happiness, friendship, and love before the timer on my life hits zero. To be perfectly honest, death scares me. I like to think that Heaven exists and that everyone is reunited with everyone they loved who passed over before them. Then there was my father who said that there was no such thing as an afterlife. His completely depressing point of view was that when you die, it is just like shutting off a switch and then there is nothing. I pray that, as in many cases when he was alive, he completely wrong.
This body is a shell and when the physical body dies what of the love the spirit the soul? There are accounts of individuals who have been in a coma & or died and came back. You must search and explore for yourself and decide what you believe. Its a personal journey.
Depression can be debilitating and I don't want to see you get hurt. I understand how complex defense mechanisms can be and can get. Try to think of a time when you were content. Or better yet just start doing some things you like or explore . You can go to sleep when your not feeling well . I want you to be happy.
I am so sorry for your despair and loss of hope. You are in my prayers. 🙏🙏🙏🙏I believe that God doesn’t give us another day to live because we need it, He gives it to us because someone else needs us. So, you are not just taking up space, you are here for a purpose. 😇
I've run out of patience waiting for God to show me my purpose and I cannot name one person on this planet who needs me. One more day of misery is exactly what I do not need.
One of my sisters was diagnosed with anxiety. It broke my heart when I saw her teary-eyed and sometimes crying by herself. She was at the point of quitting her job because waking up early to go to work was a struggle for her. Her face looked so sad.
I sent her messages almost everyday to let her know that she’s not alone. I also encouraged her to join a life group. She was hesitant at first, but after a few meetings she’s enjoying it. Now, her mood has improved. She has pets, loves gardening and she volunteers. Volunteering helps her to know that she’s making a difference in people’s lives and that makes her happy.
I know it’s hard to keep going when going through tough times, I saw my sister when she was going through deep sadness but I want to encourage you to stay strong. You are not alone, we are here for you. Keep sharing. I hope you will find comfort here. Praying for you, God bless.
Things are going from bad to worse. I spend every waking moment it seems wishing that I was dead and to be filled with a constantly feeling of anger. I hate myself and I hate all of the people out in the world that seem to be able to find the happiness which has alluded me my entire life. Summer is the worst because of how people are out and about in the nice weather. I make it a point to avoid the outside in general and beaches in particular. Seeing all the attractive women on the beaches and all the lucky men they are with causes me to feel like such a loser knowing that finding love is something which I am never going to find. I resent the hell out of of them and I have to avoid seeing them to prevent the depression and pain from reaching unbearable levels. In a nutshell, I am a socially-retarded loser and mental case going off the rails on a crazy train. I will be going to bed tonight again praying for death which will not come and wake up tomorrow screaming as the cursed sun burns a hold in my temple like a laser.
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Fuming give up hope now
Having an empty nest has given me anxiety
Given responses, I am careful to write
Hopeful
