catch 22

[gabrielle00]

i feel like treating depression is such a catch 22 because people are like, “eat well, exercise, meditate, go outside,socialize!!” but forget that a huge symptom of depression is lack of motivation/interest to do these things....

[Hidden]

People don't forget, well people who struggle with it anyway. The issue is that the only way to really treat depression is to work on yourself by doing all the things you just mentioned. Yes, medications do play an important role but fixing the things that leave one miserable is the only real cure. And trust me I get the whole lack of motivation thing. I am struggling through that myself but at the end of the day no one is going to get me out of bed but me. And that is why you have to force yourself. You have to remind yourself that it will be worth it in the end even if you don't feel like it today. Because staying stuck and not doing the things you need to will never get you better it will only make the situation worse. I know it sucks but much like anything else worth having, it takes work. Think about exercise, at first it sucks. It's painful it's exhausting but after a while it gets easy and becomes fun. It's the same thing with socializing. Sure it sucks because there is a fear of rejection but the reward for doing it is so much greater. Keep reminding yourself that you are worth investing in and it will eventually become second nature. It won't be easy but you can do it.

[gabrielle00 in reply to Hidden]

I feel like ive been in a major depressive episode for 4 months that staying in bed is all I know: it’s my only safe place. i feel like it’s been so long that I’m starting to accept this pain and get used to it. im saying this to say that changing my self destructive habits seems so scary to me because im nervous that I wont keep up with them, you know? anyways, it seems like you have the right mindset with this sort of thing...do you have a morning routine?

[Hidden in reply to gabrielle00]

I totally understand where you are coming from. But that safe space is what is actually hurting you. Just like it is for me. The longer you stay the harder it get's to get out too. You start telling yourself thing like you mentioned, I am going to fail anyway what's the point? It's all your brain just being rude. It takes discipline I won't lie but when you do it for a while you will see a marked improvement. Like I said it's not so much about mentality as it is actually putting the work it. That doesn't mean you have to start big. Most think that one needs to do everything right away, exercise, eat right, keep everything neat and tidy. That is just not true. Doing that will overwhelm you. So you do what you can. Pick one thing and focus on that for a while.

I don't really have a morning routine. I am not as good as I seem. I struggle to get out of bed most days and I end up laying in bed all day. I stop showering and doing other self care things. It's really hard. But what I have decided to do is to start small. So what I do is tell myself for now just getting out of bed is enough. So I get out of bed and I do some self care things. I brush my teeth at least once a day and floss. Then I shower every two days. This has helped my mood a good bit. I am hoping to start just walking outside for a few minutes. Not going for a walk yet but just going outside and building it all up. Again, it's a process and takes discipline but when done it does make you feel better.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Another good tip is instead of saying something like I'm lazy for staying in bed so long is to get into the habit of following this with well done for getting out of bed at all when I am feeling so lousy. Ie follow the negative with a positive. This in itself helps you feel a bit better.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

That is actually really good advice. That is a nice little way to retrain the brain, instead of looking at the supposed bad you look at the true good. Which is I have been in bed for a long time but I did make it out and that is progress. I will try to do this more.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I never actually set out to do this but realised that I do automatically now. I was gobsmacked when I realised it

Another trick I picked up was when I was trying to make myself move to get to work. I would sit there arguing with myself for ages. One day I got really sick of it so on impulse looked at my feet and said move now. To my surprise this worked.

I think it's because I interrupted the negative thoughts for a quick second - basically got out of my head. If you act in that second it really does work.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I get that. As I read your words it hit me how just that small phrase of "I'm lazy and not getting out of bed" is incredibly demoralizing. While saying something like "it was a rough day but I managed to get out of bed, even if only for a little bit" is encouraging and positive. It's small changes like that which tend to make the biggest difference. I also appreciate the use of the word gobsmacked.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

😊😊😁

[TriToKnuTaSnoDeBe in reply to gabrielle00]

I've been kinda in the same boat. I know what will help. And I WANT to do what I know will help. But I just can't. It's not a matter of willpower. It's a matter of feeling like getting out of bed requires climbing to the moon.

I will tell you, I did look up yoga positions that can be done in bed for myself. I will also tell you that the tab on my phone's browser is still open and buried under several other things that I looked up while searching for my self-determination. If you wanted to try bed exercises, though, you could get some resistance bands to help with stretches. I also know that there are some apps that will turn to-do lists into games to try to give you more of a dopamine reward when you've completed something.

Every time I've ever struggled with depression, I haven't actually managed to do those things until after I start improving a bit. I don't know if it's the medication hitting the right level or just my mood changing. It's like, I'll be down in a well unable to get out and then one day I'll just wake up feeling the tiniest bit better than I had been and all of a sudden I can do all those things again because the hole's not so deep.

The one thing I am able to make myself go do in bad depression is help others. If I have made a commitment to anyone else to assist them with something and I feel like they're counting on me, I will drag myself out of the Mariana Trench to get to them. I don't know if it helps me with my depression or not, but I do know that research suggests that doing things for other people can help with the release of neurotransmitters and also decrease negative thought patterns because you're focused outside yourself on someone else's needs and not looking inward fixating on your own situation. So, I don't know... have someone bring you a ball of yarn and a crochet hook and start making some hats for kids with cancer or something. Ha.

But know that not completing what you "should" do does not affect your worth as a person. You are special and deserve love from others and from yourself no matter how many days or weeks you stay in bed. If you decide to try to make one of the changes you mentioned. Start with small goals. Focus on one thing and celebrate when you do it right. Don't self-punish when you aren't consistent. Instead of saying, "I'm not going to eat anymore potato chips," say "I'm going to work on eating more salads." Then give yourself a sticker every time you eat a salad (and 15 stickers earns a candy bar. jk).

Sorry for the novel. I don't know how to write short stuff. Ha!

[Hidden in reply to TriToKnuTaSnoDeBe]

This sums it up perfectly though I would add that while helping other is good it can be just as much of a vice if not managed. I'll use myself as an example, I tend to try and help others but do so sometimes to the detriment of myself. Meaning I take on burdens and suffering I just shouldn't. I also have the bad habit of helping others to avoid helping myself. Not saying this is everyone but just pointing out there is a down side to it as well. But the advise on small steps is absolutely true. Do small steps and be proud when you do them. And practice kindness and self care when you don't. It's a process and everyone has there own pace.

[swordfishll in reply to TriToKnuTaSnoDeBe]

What a great reply!

[stranglers in reply to gabrielle00]

Hi I spend alot of my time in bed. I find when I'm lying down it slightly eases my anxiety. I'm panicky & nervous so the bedroom is my safe place. When I sit in the lounge I get more agitated even watching TV. I have to go out and get some food but I'm already nervous at the thought of it.

[gabrielle00 in reply to stranglers]

yea im also a similar way. how has it been so far?

[stranglers in reply to gabrielle00]

I have been on Prozac for 2 weeks but a side effect is insomnia which can go away after a couple of weeks. Still not good.

[Dolphin14]

Take baby steps. Definitely get out of that bed. Get up, showered and dressed as your goal for day one.

[gabrielle00 in reply to Dolphin14]

thank you! i will try this

[Dolphin14 in reply to gabrielle00]

You can do it

[socratesanne]

Got that right! Thanks for pointing this out.

[hypercat54]

Yes I totally agree. If it was that easy all us depressed folk would be already doing it. Depression thoughts get you thinking I don't care and complete lack of motivation.

[gabrielle00 in reply to hypercat54]

yup exactly. motivation & discipline play a HUGE role and both seem to disappear when depression creeps in