I’m not suicidal. I’m just so tired all the time. Physically for sure, and I feel like the physical symptoms of depression are not talked about enough. But mostly mentally. I’ve been depressed for the past three years or longer. I haven’t felt happy since 2016. I feel envious of the people who have depressive episodes that last a few weeks or months and then they feel happy again, and maybe the depression will come back, but they get the happiness in between. I don’t feel positive emotions. I try. I have a positive mindset. I can tell exactly when I should be feeling happy or excited or whatever, but the feeling never comes.
I’m not looking for advice. I’m still trying a lot of things to try to get better. I just felt like venting to some people who might understand how I feel.
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EspressoBeans
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Does coffee give you a lift ? Real coffee ? What about wine ? Looking at your last post you said a holiday in Cuba made you happy and I was wondering if that was due to the sun ?
Caffeine actually makes me feel gross. I don’t notice any boost in energy, just shakiness and upset bowels. I love the smell of it though and frequently drink it anyway. I only make decaf at home but I still feel the caffeine.
Cuba allowed me to feel 5/10. Not happy unfortunately. More just... nothing. No bad, no good. No motivation, but less resistant to doing things. I don’t know if it was due to the sun. I have a pretty sunny condo here so I’m more inclined to think it was the overall climate.
Oh and for wine, I don’t particularly like. I’ll drink sangria sometimes, or other alcohol. It’s a distraction. It doesn’t actually take away the depression.
I just started it tonight. I guess I’ll find out if I get any side effects within a day or two (hopefully not this time) but I don’t think you’re supposed to be able to feel a difference for at least a few weeks after. So I won’t know for a while yet
I get this. I would get this feeling of emptiness surrounded by friends years ago before I lost most of the people around me. I never really felt happy about anything sure I would laugh or find tings amusing but nothing made me feel good. The only real thing to say is one day at a time, and one foot in front of the other. Sometimes just surviving the day is enough and is enough to be proud of.
@EspressoBeans have you tried breathing exercise? if not i would recommend you to do it every day early in the morning for 30 mins but Meds must be taken in the night for some time. Try Massage therapy's too.
Do you have any specific breathing exercises I should try? I’ve started meditating for 10-15 mins every morning. I am back on meds now too, but they don’t help everybody. I’ve been pretty medication-resistant in the past. I’ve tried a ton but felt no different. Massage therapy is nice and may help my physical pain, but it doesn’t change anything mentally for me.
We in India call it as Pranayama.. try inhale and exhale thru left nostrils for 5 mins followed by right for another 5 mins and naadi shoda pranayama for 10 mins
No.. Pranayam's are not guided meditations, i know in the west most of them say guided meditation work but it never did to me.. Pranayama is a simple breathing technique. if you did every single day you feel better each day and this not some intense breathing exercise which will make you feel that your lungs are tearing. 👍
I can share you the links tomorrow.. u Need to do it as slowly as possible and in a quite place
I understand how you feel because I am also always tired, and after years of living with untreated depression/PTSD/anxiety I'm sort of just done. I mostly just try to get through the day now. Someone suggested to me that if I exercise I will feel "so much better", and I got really angry with them because it's not that simple for some of us. The effect of depression on our bodies cannot be understated, as it is profound. I used to be one of those people who can rally following a depressive episode, but that's not the case anymore. This seems to be my steady state now. I do hope we can somehow come through it though, I know there is more to life than this.
LOL my grandmother said the same thing. She was talking about how cardio is supposed to help depression. I was like, I used to do cardio every day and I was still depressed so I’m not sure why it would make a difference now. I’ve never gotten endorphins from exercising though so maybe it does help others.
I do believe that things will change eventually. And science is constantly creating new depression treatments. I just have to wait until I finally try one that works.
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xx
Tired
Tired
tired 
I’m doing everything I’m supposed to 
Tired
