Not sure

Im just going to start typing because I have a difficult time gathering my thoughts. I have felt depressed for 6 years now. 4 years ago I attempted to kill myself but it didnt work. Have never had the guts to try again which only makes me feel more pathetic. The root of it is hard to explain. Growing up my father was mentally abusive to my mom. Untill I hit highschool and he became physically abusive to me. It got to the point where I was on my own at 17. fast forward a few years and I dont know what to do. I have a decent job and good friends but I feel like im empty. Just a husk on a shelf. Im out of that abusive hole and all I want is someone to beat the shit outta me so the only thing I can think about is the physical pain. Last week I tried cutting myself but I couldnt which just feeds into my own self hatred. What am I supposed to do. It seems as if I was supposed to die but didnt and im in a place I dont belong. Ive only been to a doctor for physical illnesses so I dont even know who to talk to. Ive never been diagnosed with any mental illnesses because my fam was very anti tharapy/ mental illness isnt real type people so I dont know how to even get in contact with someone so if anyone has that answer it qould be appreciated. I think it would also help to be able to talk to someone who has experienced anything related to my predicament. If you made it to the bottom of this thank you.

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Hi Rockpile, you deserve better than to feel empty or like you don’t belong. You’re here for a reason, I’m sure of it! Please don’t try to harm yourself. If you are tempted to do that, you probably need to see a psychiatrist. (There was a suggestion on here, if you’re really tempted to cut, hold an ice cube instead.) I hope you can get diagnosed and get treatment.

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Well, would you be open to seeing a counselor or therapist??? I think that could really help you try to sort out your life. I wouldn't see a psychiatrist unless you really think you need medications. And it can be helpful to go to your local library and look up some books about dealing with depression and family issues.

[FearIsALiar]

Pyschologytoday.com

There are therapist you can find in your area on there! That’s how I found mine.

Please know that you’re definitely not alone in the way you are feeling and I hope you find that comforting. I have been very depressed for years as well. It really isn’t a good feeling. You definitely aren’t pathetic. You are so brave for sharing your story. You know that makes me feel less alone. I am so happy you are still here. You’re a wonderful human being and you did not deserve the abuse you went through.

I’m happy you’re wanting to get help. That’s definitely a step in the right direction! Once you find that healing you will see things a lot differently in a good way.

Sending you a virtual hug 🤗💕

You will be okay and you have us as your support group who love you.

[FearIsALiar]

Also welcome to the group if you are new!! 😊