**** up, repeat

[casual_nihilist]

I keep living the same terrible life over and over. I am unable to deal with the smallest of inconveniences and I’m a jealous, cynical, vengeful, vindictive, manipulative, smart, hopeless person. My biggest fault is none of the above, it is the mental capacity to recognize that I am all of these things

I’m medicated. I self medicate. I ruin relationships. I self sabotage, and I’m undecided whether or not it’s intentional.

When I look ahead, I see a dark hole. Even though I know what it is, and can see it coming, I fear it. I am riddled with some mental health disease and it is suffocating me.

I’m sinking - Indefinitely.

What can save me?

[Hidden]

In the end no one saves you, you save yourself with the courage to get some help from other people. (unless you look at it from a religious standpoint) You describe how you are feeling as "sinking" as if you can't breathe, then "dark hole ahead" as if you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel, there is light. You aren't fully aware of the things you have to look forward to. No, self-sabatoging isn't good, it's an unhealthy cycle, however, you can always start again with the new people you have yet to meet. I know you may feel alone.... or if you scared people away maybe? but i promise you, you are so much more than these things you've convinced yourself that you are from some actions you have chosen. I highly encourage you to change these words to more positive things and feed that to your mind. Continue to ask yourself the "why" questions.. why you do certain things, find out about you and learn from it. You are special, unique. Theres something you can start off with that I KNOW you are.

[Shnookie]

Hi it’s Shnookie. I’m so sorry 😐 U R going thru this. Do U see a therapist and R U prescribed meds. Please don’t self-medicate this can be very dangerous

Contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline and NAMI a mental health peer mentor group. I have talked with them many times and they R helpful. I’m here 4 U hugs 🤗 S

[greenmann]

Hello. I am sad to hear your words. I wish I can help you but I keep deleting what I wrote as I know my words wouldn’t help.

I wish you would see a thread of hope which is all it takes to come out of the dark hole.

I am worried about your medication. I knew someone who self medicated and it was harmful for him. Please seek professional help on your medicine?