why?

[amtt]

ive been through shits man that i dont deserve...i keep on climbing but i keep on falling back again and again...now i dont have the urge to climb again because no matter what i do i keep on coming back to the things that ive been trying to avoid

[FriendlyDude]

I feel you, and whether you deserve it or not, what matters is that you get back up every time. If you stop climbing, you’re going to keep falling until you hit rock bottom. Telling yourself you don’t deserve it as you fall won’t change anything, just like how telling an apple it doesn’t deserve to fall when you let go seems kinda silly, right? There are consequences to our actions, Earth’s gravity is always going to pull that apple towards the ground, no matter what you tell it. The only thing keeping the apple from falling is the fact that you’re holding it, resisting gravity’s pull. The instant you let go, it falls as a consequence. So when you’re climbing your challenges and you let go, do you deserve to fall?

“You reap what you sow” as they say. When you face hard things, it doesn’t matter if you ‘deserve’ those circumstances. If you put in no effort, your circumstances will decide your trajectory, just like if you were to tread water in a river. That would only happen because of your lack of effort. If you do put in effort, that’s what enables growth. In this situation, you’re not allowing your circumstances to have total control. The river may move you in a direction, but you can swim in the direction you want, and reach the shore where the river can’t influence you anymore. It doesn’t happen all at once, “seeds don’t become trees overnight” and change takes time. Your efforts to keep on trying are what nourish that change. Even with some effort you may slip a little and fall, but gravity is an acceleration, it starts slow and speeds up, so the sooner you stop your descent the better.

Trees don’t choose their circumstances, some grow by lakes, with a beautiful climate just begging them to grow. Others grow on the edge of a cliff, in a not so friendly climate that appears to be trying to kill them. But in both cases, they can grow to become a beautiful, strong tree. You don’t always choose your circumstances either, you could see yourself as the tree at the cliff. But remember, that tree still grew. You can too. Difficult circumstances can be the basis for the greatest growth.